How We Deal With Gravity(72)

“Let me get it,” I say, grabbing the end of the broom. She lets it go from her hands instantly, and her body just goes still. I don’t know what to say, so I just start sweeping.

Ray’s telescope is lying on its side, and I can tell from the crystals I’m piling up that his lens is what broke. That’s the first thing I’m buying with any money I make from the tour, a new one of these. I’ll just get the best one I can.

Avery walks over to the small patio table to get the dustpan, and then comes over to my pile to start scooping it into the trash. I bend down with her and grab her wrist when she does, hoping like hell she doesn’t jerk away. Instead, she starts crying.

“I totally blew it. I’m so sorry. I was out with the guys, we signed a deal, and…f*ck, there’s no excuse. I’m so sorry Avery,” I say, the words coming out sloppily, though seeing all of this has me sobering up some.

“I know,” she whispers, standing back to her feet and sliding away from me a little. Her movement rips right through me, and I hate that she’s running away from me.

“Honest to God, Avery. I had no idea how late it was, and I completely forgot,” I keep saying words, like somehow one of these times I’m going to say something that’s going to make it better.

“He was pretty good at first. We were just going to watch the meteor shower without you. I told him you were stuck in traffic. But then he found this,” she says, holding out a folded piece of yellow notebook paper. I unravel it, and walk closer to the porch light so I can read what it says.



Dear Max,

I am sorry that I was not a better father to you. What you have isn’t something I can fix or make better, so I left. I know it wasn’t the right thing to do, but I just don’t know how to be your dad.

When you are older, please let me know if there is anything I can do for you. I owe you that.

Sincerely,

Your father,

Adam



That f*cking douchebag! I threaten him, and I swear I plan on following through with that threat, regardless if it lands my ass in prison, and this is the letter he writes? I’m pacing now I’m so mad, and I’m about to unleash one hell of a rant when Avery’s soft voice absolutely wrecks me.

“I’d let you read the one he wrote to me, but I burned it. He said you made him send the letters, and that’s the only reason he did. What the hell were you thinking, Mason?” she says through the downpour of tears that are streaming from her eyes.

“Avery, this is not what I meant,” I say, reaching for her. She shirks away from me though, and it feels worse than being slapped.

“God, don’t even, Mason! You smell like a f*cking casino!” she yells, pulling her sweater across her body tightly. “Max can read. Not well, but he can read. I didn’t see his letter tucked inside mine, and when it fell out from the envelope, he found it. Here’s the thing though—Max doesn’t know how to understand that letter. He’s black and white. And that letter? It’s gray. It’s all kinds of gray! He asked me who Adam was, and then he argued with me, saying over and over that his dad is dead. I didn’t know what to say, so I just tried to get him to come back outside. But then it was getting late, and he didn’t see any shooting stars, so he threw the telescope to the ground, screaming that I made him miss the meteor shower.”

She sits down and holds her face in her hands, her body shaking with each sob. I stand there and look at her—at this mess I made. “Avery, I was only trying to help,” I say, pleading.

“He screamed for an hour and fifteen minutes, Mason. The neighbors called the cops. I know the guy who showed up, and that’s the only reason it didn’t get worse. He walked to the backyard and saw me, holding him…f*cking rocking back and forth and waiting for it to stop. You can’t just do things like that, Mason. You have to live up to Max’s expectations. Forget about mine,” she says, standing to her feet and brushing by me. “Can you just finish cleaning this up? I’m tired. I’m going to bed.”

She doesn’t turn back around to look at me again, and I’m glad, because I think if I saw the disappointment on her face it would kill me. I spend the next hour cleaning every last piece of glass from the patio and fixing what I can on the telescope. By the time Ray gets home, I’ve completely survived being drunk, and have gone straight to hungover.

I fill him in over an entire pot of coffee, and he does his best to console me, but I can tell I’ve let him down, too. By the time I shower and lay in my bed, it’s four in the morning. My eyes are fighting to stay awake, but I’m losing the battle, and quickly. The only thing left running in my mind is my biggest fear—that I might not be the kind of man who can do this either. That maybe I’m just as weak as Adam Price.

And maybe Avery deserves something better.





Chapter 20: Paperweight


Avery



I don’t want to go downstairs. Max is already at the table with my dad. I can hear them going about business as usual. For Max, last night isn’t even a memory. He’s already on his checklist of what today brings. It’s Sunday, and usually we do something fun. I don’t even remember what we had planned now. Maybe it was the zoo.

Mason’s door is open, so I know he’s left his room. I can’t hear his voice downstairs though. And I don’t think I can handle seeing him.