Hot Sauce (Suncoast Society #26)(20)

She opted for a loose gypsy skirt and a blouse. They’d been a combo that Tony always said looked magnificent on her, so it felt right to wear the outfit. She wouldn’t be partaking in the class itself, although she thought she might stay to observe and be there with Jenny, if nothing else.

She’d spent the afternoon avoiding Tony’s laptop. She used his phone to get Facebook updates about the plans for the service, which it looked like would be the following Saturday, not tomorrow. That meant plenty of time for people to find out about it and for the organizers to secure a venue.

That would give her time to get word to his coworkers.

Former coworkers.

It also meant time for her to pull herself together so she hopefully wouldn’t fall apart during the event.

She’d gone back on her own computer and looked up the club again, sending the address to herself so she could pull it up on her phone for the GPS directions. She’d created herself an account on FetLife that morning, picking NessieR_FL as her handle.

Nessie had been his nickname for her. In big-brother-teasing-speak, sometimes she’d been the “Loch Ness Monster.” But never in a mean way.

Tony had never been mean to her. Ever. Even his teasing of her had borne love, affection. She’d never felt belittled or demeaned by him.

She’d listed herself as Tony’s sister on her FetLife profile, and she’d logged into his and listed her as his sister on his.

It had hurt, but in the good way. It felt like big brother was still looking out for her, in some small way. And, as he had done, she fudged her location as Antarctica, and posted the same profile pic Tony had: a bottle of hot sauce.

Again, it felt like the right thing to do.

She’d also listed herself as not applicable where it asked for her D/s role and sexual orientation. In the looking for section, she listed friends. For the information section, she went for simplicity.

Grieving sister looking for peace and solace and to connect with my brother’s friends. Nothing more.

It was the truth.

She hadn’t had the heart yet to change his profile to indicate his passing, but she would tomorrow. At least, that was her plan. Hopefully the people she met tonight would be as kind and welcoming to her as Tony had thought they were, and as friendly as Jenny had assured her they would be. If not, she’d delete her account and his and not look back.

After walking Carlo one last time, she headed out, her stomach a tight knot of nervous tension making it impossible for her to eat anything.

Jenny had suggested she go see her doctor and ask for a prescription to get her through the next few weeks, at least something to help her sleep, if nothing else.

Sleep wasn’t her problem, though. It was the lonely waking hours without Tony. Returning to work on Monday would be the next big hurdle, getting through the rounds of condolences, any cards, all of that.

Then coming home to an empty house that first night.

Tony had almost always been home before her, unless he had to work a rare late shift for some reason. He usually started his morning a couple hours earlier than her and returned home shortly after five. All the stores in the area that he supervised were less than an hour from their house in any direction.

Depending on her schedule, and where she had to drive on any given day, she might be home shortly after him, if she worked locally for the day, or return home late that evening, if she had to drive down south to one of those stores.

He almost always cooked for her, or made sure there were leftovers for her.

Another thing she’d miss, that he’d always had something healthy ready for her. When he’d moved in with her, he’d been appalled by her mostly TV-dinner diet. Yes, she had lost a few pounds since he’d lived with her, and her time working out had helped convert some of her fat to muscle, but she’d never be skinny.

Then again, she had hardly any appetite now. If she looked at the scale, she’d probably be shocked to see she’d lost a few pounds.

Not the healthiest way to lose them, sure, but she’d take the win.

It was the only one she had so far.





There were already a few cars in the parking lot when she arrived at the club. Steeling herself, Vanessa walked in and was shocked to realize the office looked nothing like she’d imagined it would based on the books she read. Except for the BDSM implements for sale, it would have looked…

Boring.

A woman sitting behind the desk gave her a friendly smile. “Hi. Are you here for the class?”

She nodded. “I’ve never been here before.”

“No problem. First thing, I need to see a photo ID.”

Five minutes later, after filling out a liability waiver, Vanessa was ready to enter the club as a guest. Before she walked inside, she admitted something else. “My brother is…was a member here.”

“Was?”

She nodded. “That’s actually why I’m here tonight.”

“Oh. Will he be coming?”

“Um…no.” She finally broke the news to the girl, who looked sad. “Oh, I’m so sorry. I didn’t know him personally.” She seemed at a loss. “Would you like me to note that on his membership…” She trailed off, obviously unsure what to say next.

Vanessa saved her. “Yes, please. Thanks. I wasn’t sure what the protocol was.”

The girl turned to her computer. “We really don’t have one. We just highlight their name in the spreadsheet and add it to the notes section. Fortunately, we don’t have this problem very often. I’m really sorry.”