Holding His Forever(10)
The note makes butterflies take flight in my stomach. He’s so nice, and I don’t want to take advantage of that. He’s obviously just doing his job. He’s a fireman. He saves people for a living. I’ve already overstayed my welcome. I debate taking his number, but I worry that in a moment of weakness I might take advantage of him. I could tell that Derek has a few of his own demons. I know the look of pain and loss. I could see it in Derek’s eyes. I’d seen it in my mother’s, and even mine. He doesn’t need any of my demons to add to the pile.
Derek,
Thank you for everything you did for me last night. It means more to me than you’ll ever know. Your small act of kindness reminds me that there are decent men still out there in the world.
Fia
I stare down at the note, wondering if this will be the last contact I’ll ever have with him. The knot in my stomach grows more at the idea, and I feel a little nauseated. I shake my head and let the note fall to the counter before making my way to the front door to exit the townhouse. The door locks behind me, and it’s then I realize I have no idea where I am and that I have no money. Or anything, for that matter. All that safety I was feeling in that house slips away, leaving a cold anxiety behind.
Luckily a taxi passes, and I flag it down. I’m just going to have to ask one of the girls at the women’s shelter to cover my fare until I get a chance to go to the bank at some point. When I get to the shelter, Nora is standing outside and covers the tab for me while I give her the Cliff Notes of last night.
“You alright?” she asks, looking me over. I look a mess, and I know it.
“I will be,” I tell her as she follows me into the shelter after entering the code to get into the building. Things might be a mess, but I know I can pick myself up. I’ve been in worse situations in my life, and my mom and I picked ourselves up and pulled through. I’ll do the same. I head to one of the storage rooms in search of clothes. I hate to take from the bin, but I really don’t have an option right now.
“I’m just glad you’re okay.” I look over at her and see the worry in her face.
“I’m fine, promise. I’m just a little lost on what to do next. I lost everything. I don’t even have an ID.” Without an ID, how am I even going to get money from my own bank account? I let out a long breath as I dig through the bin, finally finding a pair of jeans in my size and a shirt.
“Your old ID is still in your desk.”
“Oh, my God, you’re right!” A splash of relief hits me at that. I’d gotten a new ID when I’d moved into my apartment.
“C-cup?” Nora asks, motioning to my boobs. I just nod as she goes to the closet that houses all the new bras and underwear. She finds me some and tosses them to me.
I’m going to have to make a donation after this. Guilt from taking from here weighs heavily on me. Women and kids here have it way worse than I do. They need these things and don’t even have a penny to their names. I work here because I want to give back, not take. I quickly dress, wanting to get to my desk and see what needs to be done. I hate being behind, and I know work will take my mind off of everything, including this empty feeling that has settled in since I left the townhouse.
“Where are you staying?” Nora asks, following me into the office.
“I’m not sure,” I admit. I haven’t gotten that far yet. Hell, I haven’t gotten anywhere it seems.
“You know you can stay here,” Nora offers. She is always on call and has a little cot in our shared office. She loves this place just as much as I do. Nora left her abusive husband a few years back but still doesn’t like to be alone, so being on call and staying here works for her and makes her feel safe. I am not taking her cot. She needs this place. I can make do. I will make do.
“How many beds you got open right now?” I ask her, and I know from the look on her face the answer is zero. I’m not taking a bed from a woman who is here hiding from her husband or lover. Not going to happen.
“I got it covered. Don’t worry about it.” I try to reassure her because she has enough to worry about as it is. I can either get a hotel for the night or go over to one of the normal shelters in the city. Either way, I know I’ll figure it out. I always do.
This fire might have set me back, but I’ll pick myself up and get it together. It might drain the meager savings I have to buy new clothes and a deposit on a new place. I’d planned to use that money on finishing my last semester of college this fall, but I’ll be able to do that once I get back on my feet.
Oddly, the thought of missing out on enrolling this fall doesn’t seem to bother me as much as never seeing Derek again. His face comes to my mind once again. It never fully leaves me. There was just something about him.
“New family just got here. She has three kids,” Nora says, breaking into my thoughts. Grabbing my clipboard off my desk, I go to meet the new family. I hope I can stop thinking about how I miss a man I barely even know.
“Seems like you’re kind of in a bind,” Sam says, running his eyes over me with that look a cat gets when it’s finally caught a mouse. Tracy just stands there and stares at both of us, looking just as pissed as she did the other night when she walked into the office and found out Sam had offered me the managing position. I’m thankful she’s pissed, because now she’s like a freaking hawk, watching everything that’s going on, and Sam can’t get me alone to ask me questions or press me about taking the job, or anything else he might have in mind.