Hold My Breath(13)

“Oh, no, it’s okay. I was just making sure breakfast went all right is all. I know Maddy’s been…” he begins, but stops, pressing his lips in a tight line, his brow furrowed in thought while he tries to define his daughter’s feelings and behavior for me. He doesn’t need to. Of everything, that’s the one thing I understand.

“She’s working through things. Me being here, it reminding her of Evan…I get it,” I say.

Curtis begins to nod.

“She’s trying,” he says.

Our eyes meet, and my drumming pulse stops for just that second.

“Breakfast was good,” I say.

Curtis smiles, and I know that I have to say what I need to now, while he’s relieved.

“Listen…I uh…I’ve got something I need to deal with, and I hate to ask, especially now, and I know it looks bad on the second day of training camp and everything, but…” I make the mistake of looking him in the eyes again, and I see the mix of suspicion and concern. I hate it, and my mouth starts to taste the acid from my stomach.

“Are you…slipping…Will?” He asks me with his head cocked to the side, and it reminds me of the way every doctor and therapist has looked at me over the last four years. It’s such a rehearsed gesture when they do it, feigning genuine concern, and even though I know Curtis is looking at me with nothing but the best intentions right now, it still kicks at my nerves.

“I’m fine. Really, I promise. I just need to take care of an estate thing with my uncle in Indianapolis. It’s just easier if we drive to the city rather than me waiting for the lawyer to come down here. I’m just afraid I won’t make tomorrow’s sessions, but I swear I’ll put in the work. My uncle can’t drive alone, not all that way. I’d really like to put it off, but I just…it has to be done now.”

I breathe out a long sigh through my nose, resting my weight against the door I’m dying to disappear behind, while Curtis sizes up every word I just said. Not a single bit of it was true, and I’m honestly a little impressed with myself. It’s going to be a bitch to sort through the details if I ever need to embellish on or reference this lie again. I’m still not certain Curtis quite believes it as he moves his gaze from me to the floor, but he looks up again with his hand out, as if to shake. I reach for his palm and grasp it, the weight removed for barely a second before it comes crashing down on me again with the feeling of the apartment door opening behind me.

“Will, geeze louise…I didn’t know you were out here. You scared me,” my uncle says, one hand on his chest, the other out in front of his face, palm open to catch the eyeglass he lets fall from his eye. “I guess I’ve been concentrating in my own little world.”

“We didn’t mean to distract you. Sorry, Dunc,” I say, stepping forward into our room with him. I give my uncle a glance, my eyes widen, and his narrow, trying to understand my silent message. I hope to God it’s enough.

“You know, I have a watch…it’s an old family heir loom. Thing hasn’t worked for years, if you wouldn’t mind taking a look at it?” Curtis says.

My uncle’s ears literally perk up.

“Absolutely,” he says, his fingers rubbing the edge of his eyeglass, flipping it around in his palm with nervous excitement. A new puzzle brings my uncle immense joy.

“Perhaps when you two get back tomorrow. After the estate thing. I can hang around after the afternoon workouts, or come by tomorrow night and drop it off with you,” Curtis says.

My uncle’s head tilts a fraction, but before he responds, I see him put it all together—my nonverbal plea, the lie he’s just heard.

“That’d be good. In the evening, when we get home,” he says, essentially repeating everything Curtis said.

“Wonderful,” Curtis says, smiling as he turns to the office door, gripping the handle and pausing before stepping inside. “If you guys need any help, you know…getting in and out of the city, or with documents or something, just let me know. I’m no lawyer, but I know a lot of really good people.”

“Oh, I’m sure we’ll be fine,” my uncle says, again, his answer vague.

“Okay, then. I guess I’ll see you Wednesday, Will. I’ll know if you skipped that workout, too,” Curtis says with a wink.

“There won’t be any doubt, sir,” I respond, holding a thumb up until Curtis finally disappears behind the office door and my uncle closes ours, turning to face me slowly.

We both stare at one another for a few seconds before my uncle speaks.

“I’m guessing she needs something?” he asks.

“Yep,” I nod.

My uncle pushes forward from the door, moving to the small desk he’s set up with his tools and light, his eyepiece landing on the wood with a heavy thud before he grips the armrests of his chair and lowers himself down.

“You didn’t tell him the truth.” My uncle doesn’t ask. He doesn’t have to.

I shake my head to affirm his statement.

“Didn’t quite know how. I think it’s probably easier for them all to just have this certain idea in their heads,” I say, kicking my shoes from my feet as I walk. I stop at the edge of the sofa and tug up one corner, flipping out the bedframe. I collapse on the pile of messy sheets and rub my face into their coolness, wishing I could erase a lot of things by doing this.