History Is All You Left Me(63)

“Like I said, everything can change overnight. Anyway, sorry that today is a bit of a drive-by Skype hang-out. The party is off-campus, but I hear the Jell-O shots will give me whiplash.”

“Is that a good thing?”

“We’ll see.”

I feel like he’s choosing Jell-O over me, but I let it go because I know he’s choosing socializing and fun for his sanity. There are only so many times someone can talk to his ex-boyfriend slash best friend via Skype and not want more. I always forget all about more in these moments, but it’s possible it’s not enough for him.

“It’s all good,” I say. “I have to run out and see Wade soon anyway. Have you spoken to him recently?”

Theo’s eyebrows meet. “It’s been a couple of days since I texted with Wade, but I haven’t heard back.”

“I’ll tell him to hit you back today.”

Theo flexes his hand and his plastic claws—six total—look kick-ass. “Don’t worry about it, Han.” He winks. The door knocks and he hops up. “And there goes Manuel without his damn key again. One sec.” Theo gets up and shouts as he gets closer to the door. “You shouldn’t dress down as Tarzan if it means you won’t have a pocket for your—Oh. Hey.”

“Surprise!” I don’t know this voice, and I’m not sure Theo does either.

“Hey,” Theo greets.

“Yellow is a good look on you,” the guy says. “And it’s an even better fit.”

Theo doesn’t respond.

“Is this a bad time?”

I’m overhearing something I feel isn’t my business, but I’m not logging out.

“No, I’m on a Skype hang-out. I just got to say bye to my friend. Wait out here a minute?”

Theo closes the door and returns, blushing. “Sorry, that’s my friend Jackson. He’s my ride tonight. I should head out.”

“Yeah.”

“You still going to be around tomorrow for a chat?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay, Griffin. Be safe out there. May the Force be with you.”

“You too, Theo. Good night.” I don’t remind him that Han Solo didn’t believe in the Force, at least not at first. He clenches his fist and throws on a smile I’m not really buying before logging out.

I sort of don’t want to go out anymore.

I can’t get it out of my head that Theo called it a Skype hang-out and not a Skype date. Or that I was just his “friend” and nothing more.

Saturday, November 7th, 2015

Another Saturday, another Skype call. Theo is telling me all about this pinball arcade he visited last night with Manuel—along with that Jackson guy from Halloween and a couple of other freshmen. I don’t think I should be reading between the lines here because all I can make out is a warning for me to brace myself. I’ve known Theo for years; I can tell when he’s about to lead into a big speech about some change. And I don’t get the feeling it’s going to be as good as when he grabbed my hand on the train and told me his feelings for me.

“Who won?”

“Manuel,” Theo says. “Dude is a beast. It’s one of the few things that can get him to throw on a shirt and hang with everyone.”

“Sounds like you got a squad growing out there.”

“Nothing like you guys,” Theo says. “You know how it goes. You go to school with some people and then you never talk to them again.” He catches himself. “Not going to happen to you two. I swear.”

But it’s already happening. Wade and Theo got into one of their little fights again—no one’s owning up to what it’s about, probably because it’s that stupid—so I’m Theo’s only real link to the squad. Even then, Wade and I hardly count as a squad. Theo is our glue, our center.

“Jackson is cool, though. There, uh . . . there might be something going on there with him,” Theo says. Now he’s completely avoiding eye contact. He is confessing something I’ve suspected since Halloween. But suspicion isn’t enough to stop the room from spinning. Suspicion isn’t the same as confirmation. “I don’t know. It’s still early.”

“Cool,” I lie. It’s a small lie, but I know even then the lies will grow as long as Theo’s time with Jackson does.

“I’ve been wanting to talk to you about this for about a week. It’s just really confusing, because I know I’m not over you. But I like hanging out with Jackson,” Theo says. Hearing Jackson’s name is suffocating, only I can’t show any weakness, because Theo is now looking at me. “I want us to be able to talk about this, Griff. You’re still my favorite person. You’re extremely important to me, but if you don’t want to hear any of this, I can’t get mad at you. What are you thinking?”

I nod like everything’s okay. Even my movements are lies. “Of course I want to be here for you, Theo. Look, we’re not dating. I broke up with you because I imagined that this might happen. You’re not doing anything wrong.” Except spitting in the face of everything we were by moving on two months later. “How’d you guys meet?”

“It was actually on that day where I was late to our Skype chat. It was raining and Jackson pulled over and offered to give me a lift. He gave me a shirt from the back to dry off with, and it was an SMC shirt. We got to talking and we met up that night in the lounge to keep talking.” There’s a lightness to his voice, relief from getting this off his chest. “I think you’d like him, actually.”