Highly Illogical Behavior(7)
Solomon hoped maybe if they thought it would help him, his parents would say yes to the pool. But, sitting there at his computer, thinking about what he’d be expected to do, his breathing starts to pick up. He didn’t want to waste their money, sure, but most of all, he didn’t want to give them hope and then let them down. He turned away from the computer, and bent forward, resting his elbows on his knees and hanging his head down as low as he could.
This is how it always started. Everything would be fine and then a sudden sinking feeling would come over him, like his chest was going to cave in. He could feel his heart bumping up against his rib cage, wanting out, quickening with every beat and then radiating down his arms and up to his temples. It vibrated him, making everything he saw bounce around like the world was just photographs being flipped in front of him. And with everything around him muffled, but still noisy, all he could do was focus on breathing and close his eyes tight and count.
Every number had an image attached to it. He saw himself standing at the back door, looking out at a brand-new pool, his parents beside him. And then he saw the looks of disappointment on their faces when they realized he was frozen in place and that it had all been for nothing.
When he got to one hundred, he sat back up and closed his laptop. He needed a break. He couldn’t think about the pool anymore. He couldn’t think about what the pool meant, to him or to them. He couldn’t do anything but go to the garage, lie on the cold cement floor, and close his eyes again. The panic attacks drained him, like he’d just run a marathon, so it always took a little while to recover. So he lay there in the dark without them ever knowing he wasn’t okay. Because he’d learned a long time ago that the better they thought he was, the longer he could live this way.
SIX
LISA PRAYTOR
One week after her first appointment, Lisa was back in Dr. Reed’s office and waiting to get her cavity filled. She’d written a letter, which was sealed in a light blue envelope and tucked into the front pocket of her hoodie. She’d start with that, and if it didn’t get her closer to Solomon, she’d find another way. She was almost certain she could convince Dr. Reed that her son needed a friend, but she was hoping the letter would get her in sooner.
It had been a long day at school, with three tests and a Student Council meeting, but Lisa still managed to exude a level of energy that no one in the small dental office could match. This wasn’t her usual demeanor. She was more of a pragmatic know-it-all with control issues, but she was smart enough to know that you catch more flies with honey, so this cheery, inquisitive version of herself seemed like the best way to charm Dr. Reed.
Once seated in the exam chair, she chitchatted with the dental hygienist, Cathy, who was setting out some tools. But her eyes kept wandering over to the family photo hanging on the wall by the window—the photograph of Solomon Reed the way he was when she last saw him, only not soaking wet and hyperventilating. She wondered what he looked like now, having witnessed firsthand what three years in the life of a teenage boy can do. Three years before, Clark had been a chubby eighth grader with acne problems and now look at him.
“Well, Lisa, you ready to get that cavity filled?” Dr. Reed asked, walking in and taking a seat next to the exam chair.
“You know it,” Lisa answered. “How’s life?”
“Life’s good. Same as last week. Very busy.”
She didn’t give Lisa much opportunity to speak after that, quickly asking her to open wide and getting started on the anesthetic. Valerie Reed was a beautiful woman. She had laugh lines around her eyes and mouth, but the kind that make you envious of whatever put them there. Lisa had expected a hardened, maybe bitter person to be this troubled boy’s mother, but Valerie Reed seemed as happy as could be.
“What’s he like?” Lisa asked, her face half numb.
“Who? Solomon? Gosh. He’s just Solomon.”
“Oh. Well, what does he like to do?”
“He likes to watch TV and read books. He’s just like his dad.”
“So how come that’s the most recent picture I see around here?” she said.
“I don’t know, Lisa. We don’t take too many pictures just sitting around the house. And I think maybe I lucked out with the one teenager on earth who doesn’t constantly take selfies.”
“It’s about insecurity,” Lisa said. “I don’t get it, either. Maybe Solomon and I are just mature for our ages?”
“He has his moments.”
“Can you give this to him?” Lisa pulled out the letter. “I know maybe it’s weird. But, I just thought he might like it. You can even read it first if you want.”
Dr. Reed looked down at the envelope and smirked a little, like she wasn’t surprised at all that Lisa had written it.
“No, no. I don’t need to do that. I’ll give it to him. I can’t promise you’ll ever hear back, but I can promise he’ll get it.”
“Thank you so much.”
As Dr. Reed filled the cavity in her lower right second bicuspid, Lisa closed her eyes and let her mind wander with the sound of the drill drowning out all the noise of the dental office. She thought about lonely Solomon Reed, sitting in a house all by himself with no clue that she was about to change his life. And even though there were a couple of fingers and a suction tube in her mouth, Lisa managed a smile.