High-Sided (Armed & Dangerous #3)(23)

“Open your eyes, Kassie,” he murmured. Reluctantly, I opened them and looked into his crystal blue gaze. “I didn’t want to hurt you, but I couldn’t let you give up college to play nurse to a cripple. I would have been a shackle, keeping you from living your life. I refused to do that to you.”

“So you made my decision for me?” I snapped.

Sighing, he lowered his gaze and nodded. “It was for the best. Believe it or not, you weren’t the only one in pain. But I wasn’t about to have you resent me for the rest of your life.”

I backed out of his grasp. “I loved you, Logan. Even if you were confined to a wheelchair, I still would’ve loved you.”

He shook his head. “You say that now, but you don’t know.”

“That’s because you didn’t give me a chance,” I spat, getting to my feet. “I didn’t realize you thought I was that shallow.”

He stood and held up his hands. “I knew you weren’t, Kassie. And that’s why I did what I did. I only wanted what was best for your future.”

I crossed my arms. “Let me guess . . . did my dad agree to this plan?”

Blowing out a heavy sigh, he answered me with a nod. That made everything worse. Two of the most important people in my life knew the pain I went through with Logan, yet never spoke a word about him to me.

“Why tell me now?” I asked, throwing my arms in the air. “It’s been eight years.”

“I wanted to come back after I was able to walk again. But Levi never wanted to talk about your love life; he figured it would be a breach in your friendship. I figured that meant you’d moved on.”

Lips trembling, I glared at him. “You thought wrong. I’ve never been able to get over that day.”

“Neither have I,” he murmured honestly. “Which is why I’m here, asking for you to forgive me. I’d give anything to take back that day. I wanted to be selfish and keep you with me, but I couldn’t. I know I hurt you and I can see it on your face, even now. You have no idea how many times I wanted to come back.”

He had no idea how many times I prayed he would. As pathetic as that sounded, I wanted him back. “Why are you here now?”

His gaze drifted to the ravine and his jaw clenched. “I’m here to find out who killed Levi.” He walked up to the guardrail, his expression full of guilt. “If I’d gotten here earlier, he might still be alive.”

“How’s that?”

He sighed. “Levi called after Ethan got fired and told me everything he said, that my accident might have been intentional. He wanted me to come and investigate. I told him I couldn’t. He was so angry with me.”

“That’s why he was upset. I couldn’t figure it out,” I blurted, shaking my head. But something didn’t add up. “Wait. I’m sorry . . . how would you be able to investigate?”

Logan rubbed a hand over his weary face, his serious gaze on mine. “I’m an FBI agent. I’ve been working undercover for years.”

“Oh my God,” I said, slapping a hand over my mouth. “I didn’t think you’d be able to after the accident.”

“I took a year off school, then doubled up each semester when I went back. If I couldn’t have racing, and I couldn’t have you, then nothing was going to stand in my way of becoming an FBI agent.”

“You always get what you want, don’t you?”

“Not always,” he whispered.

We stared at each other, and for the briefest of moments, I completely lost myself in him, in the possibilities. Then I tore my gaze away. My insides feeling numb. For eight years, I’d believed one thing, then he came back and told me something completely different. What if Levi hadn’t been killed? Would Logan be standing in front of me now?

For a split second, it felt like I could finally get closure, but the more I thought about him being back, the farther away that seemed. Anger welled up again.

“Kassie,” he called out, trying to get my attention. Huffing, I met his eyes. “You’re not gonna forgive me, are you?”

I lifted up my hands. “How can I? The only reason you’re back is because of Levi’s death, not me.” Tears filled my eyes and I turned away from him. “I’ve lost too many people, Logan. My mother died a month ago, and now my best friend. You say you didn’t want to leave me, but you weren’t here when I needed you the most.”

“Kassie,” he murmured, his steps drawing closer. His phone rang and he growled in frustration. “Yeah?” he answered.

I angrily wiped my tears away and turned around. He didn’t need to see my pain. The last thing I wanted was his pity. I could hear a deep voice on the other end, but I couldn’t make out what he said.

“Good deal,” Logan replied. “Meet me at my place later and we’ll get to work.” He hung up and slipped his phone back into his pocket.

“Everything okay?” I asked blandly.

He nodded. “I have to get back soon. But I don’t want to go until we talk this out.”

I shrugged as if I didn’t care, even though I was breaking on the inside. “There’s nothing to talk about. You’re here for a mission and once it’s over, you’ll be gone. It’s all business as usual.”