Hetch (Men OF S.W.A.T #1)(63)

“Whatever you say.” I focus my attention back to my reps and ignore the niggling feeling that maybe he’s right. Maybe I need to open myself up to Liberty more.

She sure as hell has with me.

The boys continue to chat amongst themselves, ribbing Fox over his ex-wife, and Tate over a new woman he’s been seeing. We’re only halfway through, and I find Sterling’s dig has put me in a foul mood.

“Come on, boys, you all keep running your mouths, you’re not gonna like me when I run PT on Monday,” I warn them. Running PT is my favorite pastime. Making the boys run the obstacle course in full SWAT gear might be on the cards.

The gym soon quietens down. The threat of me kicking their asses in PT is enough to allow us to finish the rest of our workout in silence. It also gives me a chance to get my shit sorted.

By the time I’ve finished, showered and heading home, I’ve made a decision.

Maybe this weekend I’ll take her out, show her my house.

Maybe this weekend I’ll tell her about my dad, tell her everything.

Maybe Sterling can f*ck off.



“It doesn’t have to be like this. I know you can’t see it at the moment, but we can work this out. There are other ways.” I ignore all my training and step closer. “Let me help you.” He doesn’t retreat as I take another step closer, and my chest expands in determination.

I’m almost there.

His vacant stare holds my gaze as a flicker of something passes between us.

Him understanding my fears.

Me understanding his weakness.

“Dad, NO!” I don’t recognize my voice, yet I recognize it’s too late.

“I love you, Liam, always know that.”

It happens so fast.

The change of his aim.

The discharge of his gun.

The fall of his body.

The agony of my screams.



I wake in alarm. My muscles tense in anticipation of its ending, to the outcome that I witnessed and to the nightmare I can’t stop myself from reliving.

Fuck.

It’s always the same.

A recap.

A reminder.

My reality.

“Hetch?” Liberty stirs next to me as the dream replays over and over in rapid succession.

The gun.

My screams.

The blood.

The end.

All of it smashes into me with violent force, like a battering ram used to tear through a door on a SWAT raid. Tremors rack my body while my heart slams against my chest as I force the memories back down to where they don’t hurt me.

“What’s wrong?” Her sleep is lifting, and I need to sort my shit before she completely wakes.

“Shhh, go back to sleep, sweetheart.” I lift an unsteady hand and graze my thumb along her cheek. She doesn’t fight the pull. Resting back down to the softness of her pillow, I count ten breaths before she slips back to sleep gracefully.

Fuck me, an afternoon of talking about my future and I’m back to dreaming of him again.

Lifting her hand from my chest, I carefully roll out of the bed, and trudge my way to the bathroom.

I f*cking hate it when it comes back to me like this.

So unexpected. So f*cking raw.

I wash my face in the basin, splashing cold water over me to calm myself down. I know it’s eating away inside of me, but I don’t know how to control it.

I don’t know how to f*cking calm it.

I was doing okay until Sterling brought up the house.

Fucker.

“Hey, you okay?” I look up at her voice, annoyed she’s interrupting my moment, but relieved at the same time.

When I’m with her, I don’t feel so goddamn lost.

“Tomorrow, what do you have planned?” I ask as my answer.

Fuck Sterling.

“Nothing, I’m off. Why?”

“I want to take you somewhere.”

“Ohh, sounds fancy.” She steps into the bathroom and wraps her hands around my neck.

“Barely, but you might enjoy it.” I don’t reveal anything. Giving myself an out if I decide I’m not ready for it.

“Aren’t you on tomorrow?”

“I’m on call, but it’s only fifteen minutes out of town. We’ll be good. Now come on, let’s get back to bed.”

“Okay, but you sure you’re okay?” She pauses, not letting me escape.

“Never been better.” I lean forward and kiss her, stopping any more questions and arguments.

I don't need to think right now, not anymore.

I need to feel.

And the perfect way to manage it right now is with her.

“Actually, there is this one thing….” I trail off watching her hips sway as she pulls away.

She laughs on the way back to my bed.

Not a ha ha ha funny laugh.

A knowing laugh, a laugh that promises a good time.

Fuck me.

I love her.





Twenty-Two





Liberty





“So you own this place, but you still rent in town?” I ask Hetch as we stand in the middle of his house twenty minutes outside of the city.

Last night when he said he wanted to take me somewhere, I had no idea we would end up here.

“Yeah, I haven't had a chance to finish it.” He moves to a hallway closet and pulls out some sheets.