Her Favorite Duke (The 1797 Club #2)(34)
“Did you ever love him?” Meg asked softly, emboldened by this mother who was so open about the past.
She seemed to ponder the answer for a long moment.
“No,” she said at last. “In fact, I was…I was in love with someone else when the marriage was thrust upon me. I lost him and the future I had pictured. So I suppose there was enough resentment to go around between your father and me. The point is, Margaret, that marrying someone I did not love or even like only created misery for us all. It made me…this. It ultimately led me to fail you and James.”
Meg lifted a hand to her lips, for this additional acknowledgment of the dowager’s shortcomings was unexpected. “Mama,” she whispered, reverting to a less formal address than she usually used.
The dowager lifted her chin. “I know what I am, Margaret. And despite my flaws, I do…care for you. I don’t want to see you become what I am. I know you love your brother, I know he believes he’s doing what is right for you, but do not let anyone force you into what you don’t want.”
Meg bent her head. “The first engagement, to Graham…I didn’t want it. I was too young to argue and then the situation was so far gone I didn’t think I could. Perhaps in that scenario, I would have ended up…unhappy. But with Simon, it is different. I do want to marry him, Mother.”
Her mother smiled. It was such a rare expression, and for a moment Meg caught her breath, for she saw her brother in her mother’s face. She saw herself. She saw whatever could have been for a young woman before she was forced into a loveless, desperately unhappy marriage.
“Then don’t let go,” the dowager said. She cleared her throat and her usual sour expression returned. “My head is throbbing now. I think I shall go find something a bit stronger than tea. Good afternoon, Margaret.”
Her mother left and Meg sank hard into the closest chair to ponder their unexpected conversation. This moment of clarity was not one that would last, she would wager. There was too much pain for her mother to overcome without the help of alcohol. But this was the first time she’d connected with her mother in years—decades, even. And that she could, even in this dark moment, gave her hope.
A hope she decided to cling to with both hands as she faced the uncertain future with a man she no longer understood.
Chapter Eleven
Simon stood in the billiard room, watching as the Duke of Roseford, the Earl of Idlewood and James played a round. By entering the room late, he’d excluded himself from participating, but he was just as happy. Tonight he was in no mood for games.
He was in no mood for a ball, either, but that was what was about to start in less than an hour. Worse, it was his engagement ball and the final event at the country party before the others made their way back to London. The final event before he married Meg and made her his.
His in name. In body, he had already claimed her. Since then, he had avoided her, trying to rein in his lust and his feelings and all the things that had led them to this place. If he didn’t, he feared he’d be swept up in her and not recall what he’d done to get her.
“Will the Duchess of Crestwood be joining the party for the wedding?” Robert asked after he’d taken a shot and passed his cue to Christopher.
Simon flinched, dragged back into the conversation by both the question and the topic. It was yet another unhappy one, for his relationship with his mother had long been strained, to say the least.
“She is my only family, so I’ve asked her to come,” he said. “I sent word two days ago. The message should have reached her today, and if she departed tomorrow to join us, that would have her arrive here at Falcon’s Landing by Tuesday evening at the latest.”
“Your only family,” Kit said softly. “That wasn’t always the case, was it? I mean, weren’t we supposed to be like brothers?”
James straightened and shot their friend a look. “Idlewood,” he said, a gentle warning.
But Christopher didn’t seem deterred. He faced Simon, crossing his arms across his chest. “We talked about this the night Meg and Northfield announced the date of their wedding. Didn’t we?”
Robert and James swung their attention to Simon and both looked confused at the reference. Simon gritted his teeth. “You asked me about my…my situation when it came to Meg and Graham, yes.”
“And in that moment you told me you recognized it was helpless, hopeless, because to act on those thoughts or feelings was to betray a friend. But here we are, aren’t we?”
“Enough,” James said, setting his cue aside and physically stepping between the two men. “This is not helpful, Idlewood. Simon is obviously punishing himself enough for his part in this situation.”
“As I should,” Simon said, turning away from his friends. “I deserve Idlewood’s censure, as I do all of yours. Our friendship, our club, was about brotherhood and support, honor and fealty. That meant the world to me, but I still broke those vows, I don’t claim I did anything else. Because of that, I don’t deserve anything but the contempt of Idlewood and the hatred Graham feels for me. I don’t turn away from it or make any excuse where I can free myself from it. I’ll carry what I did for the rest of my life.”
As Simon looked back at the men, Kit’s expression gentled slightly, but he remained with his arms folded. Simon could well imagine that with Graham’s return to London, once the story of what had happened here with Meg spread far and wide, the others in their club would very likely take sides. They might talk to him still, they might be gentlemanly about it, but clearly he would lose friends over this.