Her Favorite Duke (The 1797 Club #2)(21)

He shook his head. “You are well. Both of you. That is all that matters now.”

She glanced over her shoulder. Simon was following them outside, silent and grim. “What about Simon? Will he ride in the carriage with us?”

“No, Simon will ride my horse back,” James said, sending him a pointed look. “He needs air to clear his head.”

Simon jerked out a swift nod, but still he was silent. It was amazing how much that silence meant. Usually Simon was the first to crack a joke and lighten the mood. There was nothing jovial on is face now. It was like he was another person.

Just as he had been right before he kissed her.

James took her arm and led her from the cottage. As they passed by Simon, she hesitated. “I-I’m so sorry,” she whispered.

She expected, hoped, that he would respond to her. But he merely inclined his head and watched her go. Outside it was a bright and sunny morning, and she flinched at the stark light of it. James’s horse was standing before the door and Simon caught the reins and led it through the woods until they reached the road. There a carriage awaited, driven by a servant who did not look at her as James opened the carriage door.

Simon looked, though. He watched as James helped her up into the carriage. The last glance she had was of him watching their vehicle drive away. She flopped back against the seat, closing her eyes briefly as she prepared for the lecture James was sure to give.

But he didn’t. In fact, he didn’t speak for almost ten full minutes, but let her sit, bombarded by her own thoughts and fears and memories.

Finally, he cleared his throat. “I may have made a mistake, arranging a marriage without consulting you.”

Slowly she opened her eyes and looked at her brother. James was leaning forward, his elbows draped across his knees, his face drawn and taut.

This was a subject they had never addressed. What could she say once the deed was done, after all? But now he had opened the door, most unexpectedly, and she decided to take a deep breath and walk through it.

“Why did you?” she asked, thinking back to the blunt words between James and Simon earlier. James’s accusations about Simon’s behavior. She flinched.

He ran a hand through his hair. “God, Meg, I was so new at being duke. I worried every moment of every day that I’d fail.”

“Like Father claimed you would,” she whispered, reaching across to take his hand.

He nodded and the pain of the past flitted across his face. She had not seen that reflection in months. His relationship with Emma had tempered it greatly.

“I didn’t care if I cocked it up for myself,” he continued. “At that point, I was ready to run the title into the ground just to destroy the only thing that bastard ever truly loved. But I had you to think of. If I failed, you would be hurt, even destroyed. I didn’t want that. A marriage…” He trailed off.

She sighed, for she understood what he didn’t say. “A marriage would keep me safe. Especially one to a powerful duke. An old friend.”

“That was exactly my thinking. I was so wrapped up in how it would help you that I didn’t ever think of the harm it might do.”

She ignored that statement for a moment and examined him closely. “And why did you pick Graham rather than Simon? Or any of your other friends, for that matter. You certainly had a plethora of dukes to pick from in your arrangements.”

“A gaggle,” he said with a soft smile. “Emma says a group of dukes is a gaggle.”

She grinned despite the situation. “Well, Emma is always right. But I want to know the answer to my question.”

He nodded. “You deserve it. I never considered anyone but Simon or Graham when the idea struck me. We were the closest of our group. But Simon—” He stopped and she froze, knowing he was thinking of the things he had said. Things he wouldn’t say to her out of respect for her innocence.

“What?” she pressed, wanting to hear him say those things.

But he didn’t. “I though Graham would be the steadier choice.” He looked out the window, and she could see they were almost back to the house now. Without the rain and with his best mounts leading the carriages, it was a much quicker return. “Meg, I’m so very sorry.”

“Oh Jamie, I know you only ever wanted what was best for me,” she whispered, tears escaping when she tried to hold them back. “And I should have told you a long time ago that I-I—”

He pressed his lips together. “Are you in love with Simon?”

She nodded, relieved she didn’t have to say those words to him. She searched his face, looking for his disappointment or his censure. But there was none. He only looked heartbroken. For her. But also for the friendships that had been destroyed in one stormy night.

She had done that.

The carriage stopped and James reached out to wipe a tear from her cheek. “Well, my dearest, you may get your wish and have Simon.”

Her eyes widened. “What do you mean?”

He leaned back and stared at her. “If it were only us, our friends, who found you…but we weren’t. Baxton and Graham rode back ahead, and the viscount has probably already started spreading the worst version of what was seen today at the cottage. It is so big a scandal—”

Her lips parted. “Graham will not want to continue the engagement. Not that I can blame him. He was so very angry.”