Hell on Wheels (Black Knights Inc. #1)(59)

“Nineteen.”

“Christ,” he growled, hating the guy who’d had the unfathomable honor of being Ali’s first and…oh, great. What a wonderful time to have a friggin’ epiphany.

As if his day couldn’t’ve gotten any worse.

But hold the phone, it just had. Because he suddenly realized there’d be no more fooling himself. No more pretending this thing he had for her could be explained away as a simple case of unrequited lust.

He loved her.

Bam! as Emeril would say.

He loved her like he’d never loved anyone or anything in his whole sorry life and wasn’t that a giant f*ck you from the universe?

Because it changed nothing.

She could never be his. Not in a million years. Because, and it was as simple and as horrible as this, nothing could change the fact that he’d killed her brother.

Goddamn f*cking sucking hell! He wanted to scream at the injustice of it all, give the morbidly unfair universe a double middle-finger salute. Instead, he shook his head and muttered, “I wish…I wish…”

He wished so many things he didn’t even know where to start.

“Yeah,” she saved him from having to finish, “me too.”

And as he stared into her soft, luminous eyes, he thought maybe he believed her. “Let’s do this thing, huh?” she murmured, and for a moment he was arrested.

Do what? Finally admit they…

“Let’s get the zip drive and get the heck out of here.”

Yep. Right. Good idea, lest he break down in tears and declare his love.

And wouldn’t that shock the hell out of her? Nate “Ghost” Weller, or as Ozzie liked to call him, Mr. Emotionless, losing it, sobbing like a baby, and professing undying amour?

She’d probably think he’d gone completely crazy, and she wouldn’t be far off the mark. That was the really sad thing.

He took a deep, steadying breath as he watched her reverently lift the lid to the trunk.

He just had to keep it together for a few more minutes and then they’d be out and on their way. The sooner the better. Not only was he moments away from blubbering like a baby and pouring his heart out, but his unease was growing with each ticking second.

And then the ticking seconds no longer mattered because time stood still.

Grigg…

The first thing to meet Nate’s eyes was the picture taped to the inside lid of the trunk.

“God, I miss him,” she breathed, running one slender finger down Grigg’s photographed face.

Riiippp. His heart split right down the middle. He was surprised the sound didn’t rent the air.

Sweet. Jesus. This was hell. Forget his irradiated blue balls. Forget his unease about this whole goddamned, goatf*cked situation. Forget he was in love with the one woman on the entire planet destined to never be his, because…there was Grigg. Looking like Grigg usually looked.

Even pinned down in the middle of a godforsaken jungle, enemy fire shredding the foliage around them, Grigg’d worn that same devil-may-care expression. Face split wide in a silly grin as infectious as the common cold. The stupid sonofabitch had loved life. All aspects of it.

“Do you miss him?” Ali asked, her voice husky. “Sorry that’s a stupid question. You were closer to him than any of us. Of course you miss him.”

“I knew ’im better than any of you, perhaps,” he was quick to correct her. “But he was closest to you, Ali. You were his heart. And I miss him every goddamned day.”

“Yeah,” she sighed, giving Grigg’s photographed face one last caress. “Yeah, me too.





Chapter Thirteen


Ali couldn’t breathe.

It had nothing to do with the heavy Kevlar vest she wore beneath her jacket and everything to do with the air inside the tree house. It was stiflingly close. Filled with too many memories, too much grief and regret.

She had to get out. Now.

Quickly digging to the bottom of the trunk, she pulled out a plastic bag filled with zip drives. Indelible ink listed the dates she’d received them. She found the one dated one week before her life was changed forever and handed it to Nate.

He stared blankly at the thing for a moment, as if he couldn’t believe everything they’d been going through could actually come down to this innocuous little piece of plastic. Then he carefully slipped the zip drive inside his deep jacket pocket.

She turned to push the trunk back into place, frantic to get out, but he stopped her, taking her hand and curling his warm fingers over hers.

Whatever differences they had, whatever hurts and humiliations had passed between them, nothing changed the fact that they’d both loved Grigg like crazy. They were both still bleeding out from the deep, ragged wound of Grigg’s death.

She glanced up into his handsome face and saw understanding and compassion there…and something more. Something she didn’t understand.

Whatever it was, it made her hopeful and scared and…and…

Oh cripes. She had to get out. She couldn’t think straight anymore. Maybe it was the exhaustion or the fear, but she thought…just for a second…

She shook her head. She didn’t know what she thought.

Giving him a tight smile, she slipped her hand from his, and hastily pushed the trunk back into place. She scrambled toward the trapdoor, but before she got there she stopped and turned.