Heated Pursuit (Alpha Security #1)(64)
Penny’s laugh pulled Rafe’s attention across the fire. Through the flames, he watched her shake her head and smile at something Vincent said. He couldn’t tear his eyes away, could barely keep from crossing the distance and begging her to go with him someplace where they could talk. Fucking talk. Him, the man who’d rather storm a compound with guns blazing than sit down and approach a problem diplomatically.
Leaving things the way they had back in that tiny little hut not only left a sour taste in his mouth, but made him wish he could kick himself in the ass. He’d gone about it the wrong way, chose the wrong words. He f*cking lied…because purposeful omissions were the same damn thing as spewing falsehoods.
Instead of telling her that he wished he could give her everything she deserved, he focused on the fact that it couldn’t be done. And now it was too late. That haunted look in her eyes as she’d tried to remain cool while forcing back tears would haunt him for-f*cking-ever.
“Fuck it.” Rafe stood, ignoring everyone but the pair of vivid green eyes watching his departure. He allowed himself to soak in the sight of her for a minute, and then with a mental kick to his balls, he turned away.
*
“Christ, I need a moment of privacy and a cigar,” Vince muttered as Penny watched Rafe escape toward the riverbed. “Babe, I’d be totally remiss if I didn’t ask if you knew what the hell you’re doing. You really up for going down that road? Going commando isn’t for everyone—and I’m not talking about the fashion option.”
“There is no road.” Penny’s chest ached with the truth of her words. There was no road, just a darkened mine with quicksand traps and projectile poison daggers. It was impassable, impossible, and not going to happen.
“Oh hell. You love him.” Vincent’s statement blended in with the loud drone of voices surrounding them.
“As you pointed out, falling for a man like Rafe Ortega would be an ultimate act of stupidity.”
“I didn’t say it in those exact words, but yeah. Basically. Yet you did it anyway.”
Yeah, she did. Through the years of Trey’s absence, Vince had stepped in as a pseudo–big brother and best friend—one who put the brood in brooding. He knew her well enough that she didn’t need to tell him he was right. But not saying it aloud didn’t make it any less true. To make it worse, she hadn’t just fallen in love with Rafe. She’d dropped flat on her ass, rolled off a cliff, and skidded down the world’s deepest ravine.
Every time she replayed their exchange in the hut, her chest felt as if it would crack open all over again. Though she hadn’t expected words of undying devotion, she’d hoped for them. With her entire being.
“You’re killing me with the quiet thing.” Vince gently bumped into her shoulder to gain her attention. “Considering the most meaningful relationship I’ve ever had was with the Navy, I know I’m not exactly the right person to dole out advice.”
“When has that ever stopped you?”
“It hasn’t. I don’t know anything about Rafe other than he’d like to loosen my jaw with a few ear-ringing uppercuts, but I know you. There’s no way in hell you’d give your heart to someone who wasn’t worth the trouble.”
“I may know he’s worth it, but that doesn’t make a damn bit of difference if he doesn’t know it, too.”
“True. But maybe he’s never come across the one woman who could convince him otherwise.” With a playful flick to her nose, Vince urged her gaze north. “Penn, I’ve seen you do some amazing shit since we’ve known each other. Some of it was in the courtroom when you stood by your clients and helped them face down their abusers, and some of it was when we were hauling parole violators back to the jail yard. Hell, I chased your cute ass down to Honduras to find—”
“That I’d gotten lost in the jungle with a man who makes me second-guess everything I thought I ever wanted in life?”
“I was going to say, to find that there’s nothing you can’t do if you set half your mind to it. Smartass.”
If only she could believe in herself as much as Vincent did. Penny forced her legs to lock and rose to her feet. “Wrong. I can’t make Rafe see himself as others do. As I do,” Penny heard herself say.
The pull to go to Rafe was more than strong; it was magnetic. But instead of taking the path of least resistance and feeling her heart break all over again, she turned back toward the huts.
*
Rafe had hunted terrorist cells in the middle of the Afghan desert, thwarted assassination attempts made on foreign dignitaries, and jumped from a cargo hold at thirty-five thousand feet to land in a field of pissed-off tangos. He was cool under pressure, ready to leap into action at a moment’s notice, and never once would’ve questioned his motives.
But that was before…before Honduras. Before Penny.
She was the ultimate weapon, had the ability to get him hard with an innocent look and singe his core with just a promise of a touch. The convoluted mixture of sweet and sass was permanently etched far beneath the surface of his skin, and he didn’t want to get it out, didn’t know if he even could, but f*cking up her life because he wasn’t man enough to let her go wasn’t an option either.
He rubbed his chest as if the pain settling beneath his sternum would go away, but it worsened. Everything about this situation sucked to high holy hell. It threw him off his game, made him second-guess every damn decision he’d made since that first f*cking night.