Haze(46)

He closes his eyes. "I didn't want this conversation to happen now. I would never have chosen to share these things this way, this early. "

I should say that I want to try, or at the very least, that I want to know more, but I can't. Not yet. Not when I'm uncertain that I have the internal strength to do any of it.

"Can I go home now?" I ask quietly. "I think I should go home."

"No." His voice is edged with a plea, just as his expression is. "Let's go back to bed. Let me hold you until morning. Please, Isla."

I should have stayed there, wrapped in the sheets that still held the scent of our lovemaking. If I had done that, this wouldn’t be stuck in the air between us now.

"I'll stay until morning." I reach for his hand. "I'll stay."

***

"I need you to understand something." He's on his knees next to the bed as I open my eyes after falling back asleep. "I have to explain something to you before I take you home."

I roll onto my side so I'm facing him directly. I tuck my hands next to my face. "What is it, Gabriel?"

"You have the most melodic voice I've ever heard." He brushes my hair from my forehead. "You're a good singer, aren't you?"

I smile. "I can't hold a tune. I'm a fantastic violinist though."

"The best I've ever heard." He licks his bottom lip. "I've never met anyone quite like you before."

"That's because there's only one me."

He laughs. "You have no idea how true that statement is."

"I've never met anyone like you before either." I swallow past the lump in my throat. "Last night was amazing. I've never had a night like that."

"I need to say something about what happened in my office." His voice is still sleepy. "The things I spoke of don't define my desires."

"You like them though."

"I find them arousing."

I wipe the back of my hand over my eyes, trying desperately to chase the sleep away. "The first time my boyfriend tied me to the bed, I was scared."

His expression softens as he traces his index finger over my chin. "Did you tell him that?"

I exhale harshly. "I did and he assured me. He got on the bed next to me. He held me close. He told me he'd take care of me and we choose a safeword together."

"Haze?"

"No. It was something else. I don't remember anymore what it was."

He presses a kiss to my forehead. "Did you use your safeword during that encounter?"

"I didn't have to." I look up and into his eyes. "He was gentle. It was a fantastic experience."

"Did he spank you?"

"Not that time, later, other times."

He hesitates for a moment. "Tell me why you like the spanking. How does it feel?"

I duck my head down for a moment to shield the blush I feel racing over my cheeks. I've spoken about intimacy to men before, but not like this, not with this level of vulnerability. No one has ever tried to understand me this way.

"It feels freeing; almost like I'm letting go." I rub my thighs together. "There's also the physical part of it. My * trembles when I'm spanked. Everything feels so much more sensitive."

"It can be that way with a flogger, or a crop too. Those sensations, you can feel them more intensely under the skilled hand of a man who knows how to push you to the edge."

"Do you want to do those things to me, Gabriel?"

In one fluid movement he's on the bed, his hands braced on either side of me, his face hovering close to mine. "I want to give you the most intense pleasure you've ever experienced. Whether I use my hand, my mouth, my cock, or anything else hardly matters. I just want you to feel as much as you can under my touch."

I want that too. I want to tell him that but I can't. It's all too much.

"I told you I'd never push for more than you can give, Isla. I meant that."

"I know that you did."

"Will you promise me one thing?"

If he'd look at me the way he is now for every day of the rest of my life, I'd promise him anything. "What is it?"

"Promise me that you'll let me take you to the symphony tomorrow night as planned." His lips graze my cheek. "Let me see you experience that."

"There's no one else in the world I'd rather go with than you."





CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO


Gabriel




"Why are you smiling? You never f*cking smile." Caleb gestures over the small table in the crowded café at me. "You're nailing someone, aren't you?"

This time the vile word actually brings an even wider smile to my lips. "Don't be crude, Caleb. I'm seeing someone."

"Seeing, nailing, screwing, call it whatever the f*ck you want."

"Seeing. I'm dating a remarkable woman." I take another bite of the sandwich I'd ordered before he arrived. I'd suggested lunch in the office, this hole in the wall was his idea.

He looks past me to the expansive menu scrawled across a chalkboard hanging over the open kitchen. "I'm starving. Give me half of your sandwich."