Good Me Bad Me(61)

‘She made me go to the peephole so I could see who it was.’

‘She wanted to shock you, because you knew Daniel, had met him before at the refuge?’

‘Yes.’

‘What happened after that?’

‘She went into the room, locked the door behind her and made me watch.’

‘Made you watch what?’

‘While she did things to him. Bad things.’

‘So to clarify, your mother woke you up to make you watch her hurt a little boy she had brought home, Daniel Carrington being the boy.’

‘Yes.’

‘What else happened that night?’ Skinny asks.

I’M STILL HERE, ANNIE. LISTENING. EVERYBODY IS.

The jury, pens moving now. Don’t look at them. Safe place instead.

‘She got angry with Daniel, started to hit him.’

‘That must have been very hard for you to watch. You knew Daniel, you liked him.’

‘I didn’t watch, I closed my eyes.’

‘Then what happened?’

‘She came out of the room, locked the door and went to bed.’

‘So your mother left Daniel in the locked room?’

‘Yes.’

‘Please tell the court how you knew when a child had been brought home and placed in the room opposite yours.’

‘The door would be closed. It was only closed and locked if someone was in there.’

‘And presumably you went to school the next day?’

‘Yes, my mother drove me as usual.’

One of the defence lawyers looks to his right, a small nod of the head in your direction. Confirmation of something. But what?

‘So the next time you saw Daniel was when?’

‘Thursday evening.’

‘And you saw him through the peephole, did you?’

‘Yes.’

‘Did you at any point have physical contact with Daniel when he was in the locked room? Were you able to comfort him or hold him at any point?’

‘No, the door was locked the whole time. But I would have if I hadn’t gone to the police on the Friday, the day after my mother killed him.’

One of the defence lawyers stands up and says, ‘Objection, your honour, it’s our intention to prove our client is innocent of this charge. It clearly states on the autopsy report that the cause of Daniel Carrington’s death was suffocation. He was found face down on a mattress and as part of our cross-examination of the witness tomorrow we’ll be exploring another avenue.’

‘Overruled, the witness is merely referring to her original statement as the court would expect her to.’

Another avenue. Meaning what? You’ve made your lawyers hungry, haven’t you? If you were playing hangman, it would be my head on the rope.

‘Why would you have had contact with Daniel if you hadn’t gone to the police when you did?’ Skinny asks.

‘It was my job to …’

I pause, he told me to in our practice session. Let the jury come to you, Skinny said.

‘Take your time, have a sip of water if you need to,’ he prompts.

I do as I’m told. He asks me to tell the court what my job was.

‘It was my job to clean up afterwards.’

‘After what?’

‘After she killed them.’

Nine out of the twelve jurors, all of the women and four of the men, change position in their seats. Foreheads rubbed, throats cleared. A poke in the eye delivered, a blinding one. Months of disturbed sleep face them long after the trial is over. Changed for ever, by you. All of us will be.

YOU’RE DOING WELL SO FAR, ANNIE, WORKING THE CROWD, BUT WHAT ABOUT MY LAWYERS, DO YOU KNOW HOW TO WORK THEM? WHAT ABOUT TOMORROW?

I take another sip of water, try to focus on the plaque above the jury, but it keeps moving. Blurring and unblurring. Not half as reassuring as it was before.

‘In your video evidence you claimed your mother killed Daniel. How were you to know this if you didn’t have access to the room?’ Skinny continues.

‘I saw her do it through the peephole.’

‘Objection, your honour.’

‘Overruled, let the witness continue.’

‘You saw what exactly?’ Skinny asks.

‘On the Thursday evening, the day after she brought Daniel home, she went upstairs to the room.’

‘The room she called the playground?’

‘Yes. She didn’t ask me to go with her and watch, normally she would, so after a while I went up.’

‘Why did you?’

‘I was worried about Daniel, I wanted to help him so I went upstairs and looked through the peephole.’

‘Please tell the court what you saw.’

Can’t get the words out.

The room starts to swim a little, as do the edges of the faces in front of me. Hands holding pens. Nail varnish. I want them to stop writing. What are they writing about? Me? I’m not the one they should be writing about.

‘Shall I repeat the question?’ Skinny asks.

‘Yes please,’ I reply.

‘What did you see your mother doing when you looked through the peephole on the Thursday night, the night after she brought Daniel home?’

‘I saw my mother holding a pillow over his face. I tried to get into the room but she’d locked it from the inside.’