Gone (Gone #1)(79)

He fidgeted and bit his lip, using the pain to keep him from thinking any more about Astrid and her shirt and her hair and skin. "Not the time, not the place" he muttered under his breath.

Little Pete sat, legs crossed, and stared into the fire. Sam wondered what was going on in his head. He wondered what power was concealed behind those innocent eyes,

"Hungry" Little Pete said. "Munchy, munchy"

Astrid gave him a hug. "I know, little brother. We'll get food tomorrow"

One by one they felt their eyelids grow heavy. One by one they stretched out, fell silent, slept. Sam was the last. The fire was dying. The darkness was moving in from every direction.

He sat cross-legged, crisscross-applesauce they called it when he was in kindergarten, turned his hands around, palms up, and lay them on his knees.

How?

How did it happen? How had this happened to him?

How could he control it, make i: happen on command?

He closed his eyes and tried to recall the panic he'd felt whenever he had created light, it wasn't hard to remember the emotion, but it was impossible to feel it.

As quietly as he could, he stole away from the fire. The darkness under the trees might ccnceal a thousand terrors. He walked toward his lean

Pine needles crunched beneath his feet. He walked until he could only just make out the faint glow of the fire's embers behind him and could no longer smell the piney smoke.

He raised his hands, the way he'd seen Caine do, palms out, like he was signaling someone to stop, or else like he was a pastor blessing a congregation.

He dredged up the tear of that nightmare in his bedroom, the panic when Little Pete was choking him, the sudden reaction when the tirestarter tried lo kill him.

Nothing. It wasn't going to work. He couldn't simulate fear, and trying to scare himself with a dark forest wasn't working, either.

He spun. A noise behind him,

"It's not working, is it?" Astrid said,

"It almost did, you almost scared me enough to make it happen," Sam said,

Astrid came closer, "I have a terrible thing I want to tell you,"

"A terrible thing?"

"I betrayed Petey. Drake. He wanted me to call him a name." She was twisting her lingers together so hard, it looked painful.

Sam took her hands in his. "What did he do?"

"Nothing. Just.. "

"Just what?"

"He slapped me a couple of times, it wasn't so bad, but—" "He hit you?" It felt like he had swallowed acid. "He hit you?"

Astrid nodded. She tried to explain, but her voice betrayed her. So she pointed at the side of her face, at the place where Drake's hand had hit her with enough force to jerk her head sideways. She steadied and tried again, "No big deal. But I was scared, Sam, I was so scared." She stepped closer, wanting maybe to have his arms around her.

Sam took a step back. "I hope he's dead" he said."I hope he's dead, because if he isn't. I'll kill him "

"Sam."

His fists were clenched. It felt like his brain was boiling inside his skull. His breath came shallow and harsh. "Sam," Astrid whispered. "Try it now." He stared, uncomprehending. "Now," she yelled.

Sam raised his hands* palms out, aimed toward a tree.

"Aaaaahhhh!" he yelled, and bolts of brilliant, green-tinged light shot from his hands.

He dropped his hands to his side, panting, stunned by what he had done. The tree was burned through. It fell, slowly at first, then faster, and crashed heavily in a patch of thorn-bush.

Astrid came up behind him and slid her arms around him. He felt her tears on the back of his neck, her breath in his ear. "Pm sorry,Sam"

"Sorry?"

"You can't summon fear whenever you need it, Sam. But anger is fear aimed outward. Anger is easy"

"You manipulated me?" He untwined her arms and turned to face her.

"It happened with Drake, just like I told you" Astrid said. "But I wasn't going to tell you until I saw you out here trying. You kept saying it was fear that made the power work. So, I thought.. "

"Yeah " He felt strangely defeated. He had just, for the first time, willed the light to come. But he felt sad, not elated. "So, I have to be mad, not scared. I have to want to hurt people"

"You'll learn to control it," Astrid said. "You'll get better at it, so that you can use the power without having to feel anything."

"Well, won't thai be a happy day?" Sam said with bitter sarcasm. "Til be able to burn someone without feeling anything"

"Fm sorry, Sam, I really am. Sorry for you, I mean, sorry this has to happen. You're right to be afraid of the power. But the truth is, we need you to have this power"

They stood, distant from each other though only a foot apart. Sam's mind was far away, playing out memories from a time that seemed like a million years ago. A million years, or maybe just eight days.

"Sorry" Astrid whispered again and threaded her arms beneath his to pull him against her.

He rested his chin on her head, looking past her, seeing the fire, seeing the darkness everywhere else, the darkness that had scared him ever since he was a baby.

"Sometimes you catch the wave. Sometimes the wave catches you," he said at last.