Going Long (Waiting on the Sidelines #2)(5)

I just shook my head back and forth, trying to form words with my lips but not even knowing where to begin.

“Okay, you’re going to have to speak. Is it Reed? Did that * cheat on you?” she was grabbing my shoulders now, clearly going from her zero-to-sixty, friend-ready-to-defend-you mode.

I just shook my head no, fighting to slow my breathing down. After a few seconds, I slumped my shoulders, defeated, and looked up at her.

“I’m late,” I said, twisting the side of my mouth to show her how helpless I felt.

She just blinked at me in return, taking her time to register what I’d said. Her eyes grew wider when it settled in. “You mean, like…late, late?” She kept a firm grip on my shoulders while she questioned me.

I nodded yes slowly, never blinking, and staring her in the eyes without really looking at anything.

“Oh…shit,” Sarah said, not able to hide her emotions. I suppose that’s why I came to her. I needed someone to freak out for me, to think quickly on her feet. Sienna was the practical one. But Sarah, she would go bat-shit crazy with me. And this revelation? Well, it called for bat-shit crazy.

“We need to go to the drug store, Noles. Like now. You have to know for sure,” she said, pushing her feet into her shoes and rummaging around her kitchen counter for her purse and keys. I didn’t move until she was standing right in front of me, my own feet dug deeply into the carpet and my legs unwilling to move.

“I…don’t know if I want to know,” I looked at her, my eyes pleading. Just then, my phone buzzed. Autopilot again, I pulled it from my purse and saw a text from Reed.



Miss you, baby. Have a late dinner tonight with family friend to talk about that thing we’re going to talk about. Someone in the business. Call you after, K? Love you.



His message was short and sweet, but I took my time reading it, almost as if it was a full five-page essay. I didn’t budge until I felt the weight of Sarah plop down next to me and felt her shove my arms down to get my phone screen out of my face.

“Noles, snap out of it. You HAVE to find out. You can’t live in between,” she said, standing and pulling at my armpit to lift me from the couch. She was right, but that didn’t stop me from craving the blissful ignorance of right now.

The drugstore was only a block or two from Sarah’s apartment. And unfortunately, our walk to get there didn’t take us nearly as long as I would have liked. The rows were filled with appealing colors. I tried to drag us down the nail polish aisle, thinking maybe a new color on my toes would be nice. Yank. Sarah tugged my arm. I tried again for the candy aisle, thinking maybe a big bag of M&Ms would soothe me, but YANK. No such luck.

We stood there in front of the selection of various pregnancy tests in a section vividly labeled Family Planning. The entire thing was surreal. I heard words escape from Sarah’s lips, but I wasn’t listening. Everything sounded muted, and slow. She was throwing box after box in our small basket and soon was grabbing my hand to pull us to the register.

The judgmental look from the checkout lady was something I will never forget. If I hadn’t been stunned and frozen with the constant stab of shock, I might have said something to her. I was getting better at sticking up for myself. But with this, being in this situation, I just let her judge. Who was I?

We walked back to Sarah’s apartment with $60 in pregnancy tests. Sarah pulled them all out on the counter and went to work reading the directions immediately, first handing me a plastic wand and telling me to try to only pee a little so we could knock out a few tests. I just stood there holding the stick, staring at the small circle on the end that would give me my fate.

“Nolan, come on. You have to pee on it. Go!” She was chastising me. She left the bathroom for a few minutes to give me some privacy. I stood staring at the dry filter strip, considering briefly running it through the faucet and pretending I had taken the test. But fooling Sarah wouldn’t do me any good in the long run.

I turned her sink faucet on to help me have to go and sat waiting—finally taking a deep breath and going a little on the tip of the test strip. Sarah was reading directions from the other side of the door, telling me that I needed to let the test sit on the counter for two minutes. But that wasn’t necessary.

The colors were changing almost instantly, and when I saw the small plus sign start to appear, I wasn’t surprised. But I was terrified.

“Are you done? I’ve got another one, tell me when you’re ready,” Sarah was leaning on the other side of the door.

“I don’t need it,” I said, faintly.

“What? Why?” she cracked open the door as I was pulling my shorts back into place, the stick dangling from my hand. “Nolan, you have to set it down and wait for two minutes. Didn’t you listen to anything I said?”

I held it up in front of me, showing her the positive result. Sarah just looked at it with tightly closed lips, considering the best reaction.

“You don’t know for sure, Nolan. Those things aren’t always accurate. Come on, try one more,” she was already pulling a new stick from the box and handing it to me.

“It’s going to be the same,” I said, shaking my head slowly. “I just know.”

“No, you don’t!” she said forcefully, putting the new test in my hand and pushing me back while she closed the door.