Glitter (Glitter Duology #1)(69)

She’s sitting ramrod straight, but her eyes are closed like she regrets having said anything at all. She nods, and one tear escapes from beneath her eyelid.

I lay my head against hers, not only to comfort her, but also so I don’t have to look her in the face while I lie. “I honestly didn’t think you’d be interested. Being part of the lever staff? To be honest, it’s rather degrading. They wash my cleavage, Molls.”

She lets out a giggle that still sounds choked, but at least there’s a ghost of a smile.

“It’s incredibly intrusive, and I can only imagine it’s uncomfortable for them as well. But,” I say, taking a deep breath, “you’re right. I should have asked you.”

In truth, I selected everyone on my lever staff so they could help me run my business, and I reward them with a drug addiction. To involve Molli in the lever would entangle her in everything I’ve worked so hard to protect her from.

But, I realize, I only have to procrastinate a few weeks.

“Do you still want it?” I ask softly.

“Want what?”

“A position on my staff?”

She rolls her eyes. “I didn’t come here to beg for a job.” She rises from the settee and begins rearranging her skirts.

“I know,” I say with a hand on her arm to stop her. “But whatever your purpose, you’ve given me an opportunity to right a wrong, and I’m not too proud to accept a second chance.” The illusion of a second chance. “I mean, you can’t start tomorrow or anything; you need to take M.A.R.I.E.’s special training course. And I’ll have to take it up with the Human Resources bureaucrats, but…” I fake a quick laugh and shake my head. “His Royal Highness owes me a favor, and I can’t imagine he would deny me seven ladies instead of six.”

Her eyes brighten with tears, but I have my suspicions they’re not sad tears this time. “I really didn’t come here for this.”

I link my arm through hers and smile. “I know.”

“Are you certain?”

I place my hands on both her shoulders and wait until she looks up and meets my eyes. “Positive. You’re absolutely right, and I’m glad you came here tonight. I think sometimes I become so focused on my troubles, I forget that everyone around me has their own.” I take a deep breath and force a smile. “The next little while is going to be a veritable roller coaster, Molli, but there’s no one I’d rather have on it with me than you.”

Finally she appears convinced and leans forward to hug me. When she pulls back, she reaches out with a finger and touches my eyelid, where I’m wearing my glitter today. “What’s so special about your cosmetics, Danica?”

I try to laugh away her question. “What drives any fad? If I knew that, I’d certainly take further advantage. My supplier is obsessed with the avant-garde—”

But she’s already shaking her head. “No. It’s more than that. Everyone who wears them—and continues to buy them in spite of the exorbitant cost, I might add—traipses around with an aura of smugness. Like they’re all part of an exclusive club with an exciting secret. And, of course, they think I’m part of the club too. But I’m not. Everyone swears that your cosmetics are better than what the apothecary sells at a hundredth of the price, but I don’t feel any difference at all. That’s how I realized that whatever you’ve been giving me, it isn’t real. Why isn’t mine real?”

She’s staring straight at me, and dread settles into my heart. “You’re not wrong,” I finally confess, and an expression of relief flitters across Molli’s face. “Yours is different. Lord Aaron’s as well,” I add so she doesn’t feel alone.

“I wondered, after your party.”

“The cosmetics I sell…they make you feel good. Happy.” That’s as simple and close to the truth as I can get with M.A.R.I.E. listening.

“And you didn’t want that for me?”

“I didn’t want you to need it.”

“Like an alcoholic? Like your father? Is this because I always used to get drunk on Saturday nights? Do you think I’m like him?”

“No, no, of course not.” She’s so protected by her parents, so sheltered in our society, that even when I’ve told her the truth, she doesn’t quite understand. It breaks my heart all over. But I have to tell her something. “It’s somewhat like that. But more…more, perhaps, like homeopathics.” If I weren’t already condemned to the deepest pits of hell, where all betrayers go, the circle reserved for liars would have quite a claim. “But stronger,” I add at the acute stab of guilt. “I thought it would help the general atmosphere at court.” My lie is nearly taking on a life of its own.

“But not me.”

“Again,” I say, desperate to leave this conversation aside, “I should have consulted with you. We should have talked. I was wrong.”

“Can I have it now?”

Her words freeze my heart into ice. After all these months, can I give it to her? It’s not as though I could stop her at this point. It’s precisely as she said: everyone thinks she’s in on it. No one would think twice of letting her “borrow” their makeup. “I’m out,” I say desperately. Then, at her flash of skepticism, I blurt, “But I’ll make sure you get some tomorrow. I dispense a lot of it on Wednesdays because security is so lax.” That was probably one sentence too many, I realize as Molli gives me a puzzled look. “Do you want to sleep over tonight?” I ask, more to cover up my faux pas than because I’ve thought it through.