Girl in the Blue Coat(40)

FIFTEEN




Everyone but Judith has arrived at Leo’s when I get there. I sit down on the stool I sat on last time, next to Sanne, who is obviously delighted that I’ve shown up and who promptly tells me to close my eyes and hold out my hands. When I do, she gives me a tiny glass filled with juniper-scented liquid.

“Jenever?” I can’t remember the last time I had good alcohol.

“I got a little bottle for my birthday five months ago and hid it. So well, apparently, that I couldn’t find it until this morning. Everyone gets two thimbles.” I tip my head back to down the gin in one swallow. It burns and makes my eyes water.

“You’re here.” Ollie has come over to squat beside me. His eyes look tired but surprised and happy to see me.

“Judith told Mina I had to come.”

“I’m glad.” He reaches over and brushes his knuckles quickly over my cheek, an affectionate gesture, a gesture that comes from the Van de Kamp family. Mr. Van de Kamp used to do it to the children. Bas used to do it to me. It sends heat through my skin, and I immediately push the gesture from my mind.

When Judith doesn’t show up at the appointed time, Willem jokes that she has forfeited the right to one of her thimbles, and he should get to drink it instead. When she hasn’t shown up ten minutes later, Leo says that he wants Judith’s other one.

But when she hasn’t shown up ten minutes after that, the joking has stopped and we all eye one another silently. “Probably she’s held up at the school or theater,” Willem says. “Or there were more road closures.”

“I bet she’s coming down the street right now,” Sanne says, forcing a wide, unnatural smile as she goes to the window to check. “She’s always mad at me for making her late when we go places. This time I’ll get to show her that it’s not always my fault. Sometimes she’s late on her own!” She stares outside for a few hopeful minutes before returning to her seat. The clock gets louder and the silence gets heavier.

We hear footsteps outside the door, and all of us relax, but as soon as they approach, they disappear. Just a passerby hurrying home.

It’s Ollie who speaks next, in a pinched voice he struggles to keep neutral. “Does anyone here know where Judith’s uncle lives? I wonder if it might be time for us to—”

Before he can finish, the door bangs open and Judith tumbles in, carrying a valise and brushing new-fallen snow off her coat. My chest lets out a breath I didn’t know I was holding, and Sanne squeals in relief, jumping up to first embrace, then shake Judith. “We were worried,” Sanne chastises.

“I’m sorry.” Judith returns Sanne’s hug, but her smile looks forced.

“Oh, you’re all sweaty,” Sanne says. The drops running down Judith’s face—I’d assumed they were melted snow, but they’re perspiration.

“I ran to get here. I knew I was late.” She looks wan and shaky. Willem notices, too; he pours her a double serving of Jenever without first asking if she wants one. She accepts it but doesn’t drink, holding the glass in both hands.

“Take my seat?” he offers, and makes sure she sits down.

The color has returned to Ollie’s face. He clears his throat to get everyone’s attention. “Let’s socialize after the meeting. We need to get started,” he says, all business again. “Leo says we’re having trouble getting enough food for the onderduikers. Meat, especially. I’m glad Hanneke came again today. I was hoping she might know—”

“Wait,” Judith interrupts. “We didn’t decide yet. We didn’t decide what our pretend gathering is about today. What we’ll tell people about why we’ve come here.”

“It’s not important, Judith,” Ollie says. “We’re running late. It doesn’t matter right now.”

“It does matter.” Her eyes look oddly bright and shiny.

“It’s fine. You—”

“It does matter. I have an idea. For what to celebrate. It should be my going-away party.”

“Your what?” Sanne’s voice is strained. “What are you talking about, Judith?”

Judith wipes away tears with the back of her hand. “They’ve started to round up the family members of the Jewish Council,” she says. “My uncle can’t protect me anymore. I got my notification late this afternoon to report to the Schouwburg for transport.” Her face completely dissolves.

Ollie is the first to react, wrapping his arms around Judith, the most tender I’ve ever seen him be. Sanne reaches for Judith’s hand, and Willem and Leo simultaneously produce handkerchiefs from their pockets. I don’t know what to do. I haven’t even known Judith a week. I don’t deserve to be as upset by this news as everyone else; I don’t deserve to be upset at all. She asked me to help and I wouldn’t. She asked again, and I wouldn’t. I wouldn’t, even though I had connections, even though it was less dangerous for me than for her and Mina. I came tonight only because she told me I had to. It doesn’t matter if I would have gotten there eventually on my own. I didn’t get there in time.

“I bet that was the Nazi plan all along,” Sanne says viciously. “Recruit important Jews for the Council. Make them think that they have real influence and that joining will let them help their families. And then, when the Nazis get everything they need from them, deport the Council, too. The Council was supposed to be safe.”