Full Throttle (Black Knights Inc. #7)(59)

For a second, the idea, the temptation, took hold, making her heart race with the possibilities. But in the next breath, she knew she couldn’t ruin her father’s dream, destroy everything he’d worked for his entire life. It wouldn’t be fair to him. It wouldn’t be fair to her mother, who’d spent long, exhausting hours on the campaign trail, giving speeches and living on greasy roadside food. It wouldn’t be fair to Caroline, who was riding on their father’s coattails to possibly win a seat in the House of Representatives.

“I didn’t know where else to go,” Carlos said as she nodded to her security detail and closed the door. “With our parents gone—” He suddenly stopped and ran a hand back through his hair, choking. That sound…that defeated sound coming from the throat of a man who’d always seemed invincible, had tears welling and spilling freely down her cheeks. Her chest burned like she’d swallowed a handful of poison sumac. “Thank the good Madre Maria they didn’t live long enough to see this day. To see her…empty,” he husked the words, “casket lowered into the ground.”

To keep from reaching out to him, she gripped her hands so tightly in front of her that her short nails threatened to draw blood. Touching him was out of the question. She had no right.

“None of our friends loved her like you did.” He turned to her, his brilliant black eyes full of tears. “That’s why I had to come. Because you’re the only one who can understand what I’m—”

A sob cut him off before he could finish. And that’s when he reached for her. Dear God! He pulled her to him, wrapping his arms around her as he laid his cheek atop her head and cried. Carlos was crying! She could feel his hot tears seeping into her hair, feel his big body shake with the enormity of his grief. And how long had she waited to be taken into his embrace? How long had she dreamed of holding him close and placing her head against his chest?

But it was never meant to be like this. Never like this…

“Carlos.” She tried to pull back even though it was the last thing she wanted. If she were to die right here, wrapped up in him, it would be fine by her. In fact, a part of her wished for it. Then the pain would stop. “I can’t—”

His arms tightened, keeping her close. Oh, the glorious torture of it. Of breathing him in. Of hearing his heart hammer so solidly against her ear. Of knowing that he’d shove her away in a nanosecond if he knew what—

“I’m dropping out,” he confessed. “I’m joining the Army. I need to make sure those—”

“No.” This time she was successful in pushing out of his arms. “Carlos, no! You’re a doctor! A wonderful doctor. Don’t throw that away. Rosa”—the woman’s name stuck in her throat as if she’d tried to swallow a whole grapefruit in one gulp—“wouldn’t want you to—”

“It’s done.” He wiped a hand under his nose. His tan face was splotchy from crying, the whites of his eyes an angry, heartrending red. “I need an outlet for all this violence inside me.”

She grabbed his forearms in a desperate grip. “We’re at war! You could be killed!” The thought was untenable. Intolerable.

“Come here.” He reached for her again. “Hold me, Abby.”

She wrenched herself from his grip, her heart beating frantically. She could maybe—the jury was still out—live with Rosa’s blood on her hands. But Carlos’s? No. No! “Call the dean,” she begged him. “He’ll let you back into the program. He’ll let you finish your rotations, and—”

“My decision is made,” he told her. “Now, come here. I want you to—”

“No, Carlos.”

He lifted a brow, shaking his head in confusion. “What? I don’t underst—”

“I need you to…to go. I have to…” Call her father or…or the dean. Something! She shook her head, begging him with her eyes.

His chin jerked back a second before his expression hardened. “I see.”

Did he?

“Okay, then…” He swallowed, his throat seeming to have trouble with the maneuver. “So, I guess I…I guess I’ll be seeing you.”

“What?” Why did that sound like a final farewell? “Wait! I—”

When he turned to her, the smile on his face was the saddest thing she’d ever seen. It hit her with the force of a wrecking ball and she nearly doubled over with the impact of it. “I do understand, Abby,” he assured her. “But even though…” he trailed off, swallowing again as he reached for the door. “Just…if you ever need me…don’t hesitate to call, okay?”

And then, just like that, he was gone. Never to be seen again until a few days ago. Though he’d always remained a constant in her thoughts, in her heart, in her life, seeing as how that was the deal she’d struck with her father. You promise to keep an eye on Carlos and let me know of any change in his circumstances, and I promise to keep living the lie.

And, oh! How she’d hated her father for tossing Carlos out of the frying pan of the Rangers once his stint with the Army was up and into the fire of Black Knights Inc. She’d threatened to go to Carlos and tell him the truth, but her father had assured her it had been Carlos’s decision. He could have finished medical school. He could have joined the Secret Service. He’d chosen the Black Knights. Chosen them of his own free will because that’s the life he apparently wanted. And so she’d held her tongue. Again.