Full Throttle (Black Knights Inc. #7)(53)
Eagerly, Abby turned to the young man. “Its leaves almost look like that of the mint plant, but it has these little yellow flowers. It grows to about this high,” she held her hand up to her chin.
Yonus nodded, relaying her description to the group of adults. A flurry of discussion commenced within the crowd, then Mamat stepped forward, bowing.
“Mamat says he knows of which plant you speak,” Yonus told her.
Yep, this was a headline she liked much better: PRESIDENT’S DAUGHTER CURES MALAYSIAN VILLAGE OF BLINDNESS! And how wonderful would it be if something good were to come from her abduction? Something worthy of the sacrifices and risks Carlos had taken on her behalf? She needed, more than she was willing to admit, one thing, anything, that she could look back on and be proud of.
“Right on!” She jumped from the stool, clapping her hands and stepping forward to slug Carlos on the arm. “How awesome is this? We’re like…frickin’ Doctors Without Borders here!”
He nodded, his expression that of a man resigned to forgo the start of their journey. The soldier in him needed to make that Thai border with all haste. But the doctor in him couldn’t leave that little girl and her family behind to suffer when there was something they could do to help. “Have I ever told you how much you amaze me, ne?a? How proud I am of the woman you’ve become?” His deep voice reminded her of the rhythmic purr of a big jungle cat.
“Oh, stop it,” she told him, dramatically fluttering her eyes and simpering. “My poor, swollen ego can only take so much.”
He chuckled and caught her chin between his thumb and forefinger, giving her head an affectionate shake. The key word here was affectionate.
Damnit! It was obvious now that Carlos liked her. That he trusted her. And the good Lord knew he shouldn’t.
The smile she bestowed on him was sunny. But inside, that familiar dark pain reared its ugly head…
Chapter Fourteen
“I wanted to h-hate her,” Penni cried against Dan’s shoulder. She knew she was covering him in tears, and probably some snot, too—gross—but she couldn’t stop the grief that poured from her in torrential, soul-sucking waves. “I w-wanted to—”
“I know, baby,” Dan crooned, hugging her tight. So tight she could barely breath. And yet, it still wasn’t tight enough. She wanted to crawl inside his big, strong body and hide. Hide from the pain and guilt that had been eating her alive since she saw what had been done to her friends. Hide from the fear that she would ultimately fail in her duty to see Abby safe and sound once again. Hide from the awful truth of Irdina and Jaya and the desperate inequality that existed in this cruel world. Just hide, hide, hide!
And it was so despicably cowardly of her. She was disgusted with herself, disgusted with her weakness. This was not the woman her father had raised, this woman who was having an emotional meltdown of Sicilian proportions. And if he could see her now, he’d be appalled. She was appalled. But the tears…
The tears wouldn’t stop. Because there was too much shit, and she hadn’t come equipped with enough shovels.
“I know,” Dan soothed again, running a hand over her ponytail to cup the back of her neck. His palm was warm and rough. And it served to remind her of why she was the only one of Abby’s security detail left alive. It served to remind her of where she’d been and what she’d been doing when her whole world was torn apart. “It’s okay to cry. It’s okay to grieve.”
She pushed back from him, wiping a hand under her nose. “No.” She shook her head. “It’s not okay to cry. Not yet. There’s still so much left to do, and I have to keep—”
She gasped when he lifted his hands to firmly grasp her head. Lowering his chin until he was looking out at her from under the heavy ridge of his scowling blond eyebrows, he gave her a little shake. “Stop it, Penni,” he commanded. “You stop it right now. In the last few hours you’ve been braver, stronger, than anyone I’ve ever known. So for chrissakes, it’s okay to just take a minute here. Besides, hasn’t anyone ever told you that control is just an illusion?”
Uh-huh. As a matter of fact they had. Her twenty-years sober uncle liked to repeat that mantra anytime life’s sugar turned to shit.
She stilled in Dan’s embrace, searching his pretty green eyes and saw…pain…and understanding…and other things she couldn’t quite put her finger on. Something inside her shifted. Just a little. But it was enough. Because it occurred to her right then and there that she may not be able to crawl inside him and hide away from the world, but there was another way to forget. For a while…
Stepping forward, she pressed herself close, going up on tiptoe to seal their mouths. His lips were so soft and warm, his breath even warmer when it hitched as she forced her tongue between his teeth. He tensed for a second, one tiny second, then he groaned and wrapped his arms around her, spinning her until her back slammed against the door to the bathroom. And, just like that, the unbearable sadness made way for lust. The intolerable hurt moved aside for hunger.
And, hello? This was what she needed. Not tears. Not sorrow and regret and second-guessing. Escape. Physical escape. Mental escape. Emotional escape. If she could just for bit, just for a while, get away from it all, she might be able to wrestle herself back under control. She might be able to do her duty. Do what was right and honorable and worthy of the title of Secret Service agent. Make proud the man who’d taught her how to be a warrior, how to be a champion. Honor the friends she’d lost this day.