Full Contact (Redemption #3)(20)

After Tag leaves, I try not to think about what possessed me to come on to Ray and how I so obviously misread the signs he was giving me. Sure, he kissed me, but maybe it was post-shooting bloodlust, or he was just riding the adrenaline high. Clearly I took advantage of Ray in his “weakened” state, and as he came around, he realized he didn’t want me, and gentleman that he is, he backed off.

For the fourth time that evening, I call Jess. I tell her my new theory as I pace back and forth beside the police car. She tells me she’s never heard a bigger load of BS in her life. Maybe he didn’t want to f*ck his teammate’s sister in a dirty back alley with a load of cops out front after he almost just got killed saving her. Did I consider that?

I tell her no, I didn’t consider that. But what man in the throes of bloodlust turns down a sure thing just because she shrieks in terror because he tried to pin her arms above her head?

Ray, she says. ’Cause he’s a nice guy. But I don’t believe her. I’ve seen him in the ring. Tag has warned me about him. He has a gun. Maybe the rumors are true and he’s in the CIA. Although he doesn’t dress like the feds dress on TV. And why would he be moonlighting as a PI and fighting on the underground circuit? Not that I know anything about the CIA, but I do know my crime TV. I also know “nice” is not a word that fits Ray. He’s badass bad. And badasses f*ck in a badass way. I know, because I’ve just had a little taste.

Tag returns about twenty minutes later. I lean against the vehicle and he gives me a lecture about the dangers of working in the Lower Haight and associating with people like Jay, whom he confirms is indeed marked by one of the more vicious local street gangs. On a roll, he lectures about the dangers of driving at night, going to underground fights, and taking too many risks.

While he rants, I am struck with the realization that I won’t be going to any more underground fights. No more watching the Predator from the shadows. No more cheering crowds, fists slamming into flesh, power unleashed. My fantasy came true, and it was nothing like I had imagined. It was better. And then it was gone.

“You’re not listening.” Tag’s irritated voice cuts through my reverie.

“I’ve heard it all before. I understand how you must feel. But it’s not my fault that I happened to be at the shop when that gang came looking for Jay. And it was a good thing Ray was there. He had a gun.”

He rakes his hand over his fuzzy head and his jaw tightens. “Yeah, he did.”

“Why?”

Tag shrugs. “You’ll have to ask him yourself.”

“Is he still here?” Not that I want to see him, but I do.

“No, he took off. Asked me to say good-bye. I hope you’re not seeing him. I told you before, he’s not the right kind of guy for you.”

I slump against the vehicle and sigh. “No, I won’t be seeing him again. He came in for a tat, but I have a feeling he won’t be back.”

Tag’s eyes widen. “I thought you’d start screaming at me about interfering in your life. I know you like him and—”

“He isn’t my kind of guy, and I’m not his kind of girl.”

“If you say so.” He pulls open the passenger door. “You can ride up front today.”

“Gee thanks. No treating me like a criminal today. I feel honored.” I pull my door closed and fasten my seat belt while he climbs into the driver’s seat beside me.

“Can I stay at your place tonight? I don’t feel like being alone.”

Tag grimaces. “Actually, my place is a mess. I’ll come and sleep on your couch.”

“But your place is always a mess. It’s never bothered you before.”

He stiffens and glares. “I said I’ll come to your place. I’ve found someone to take my shift.”

When I startle at his uncharacteristically sharp tone, his face softens. “After a traumatic event you should be somewhere comfortable and familiar.”

Emotion wells up in my chest at his oblique reference to the night I made the worst decision of my life. The night I didn’t listen to Tag and my whole world changed.

He turns on the radio and the sad notes of No Doubt’s “Don’t Speak” fill the vehicle. Just what I need. A tear, unwanted and unexpected, trickles down my cheek.

“You okay?” He looks over and I shrug. But no, I’m not okay. Memories assail me. I’m outside the Psi Beta Pi frat house, eighteen years old, heart pounding with excitement that socially connected college bad boy Luke Rotherberg, star quarterback on Tag’s football team, has asked me to go to the post-game party with him. Me—newly minted high school grad, starving artist, plain, and shy; the girl who just had her first art exhibition in the school gym; the daughter of a cab driver and a florist with none of his high-society connections.

Overwhelmed by the attention, I didn’t listen when Tag warned me that he’d heard rumors about Luke and that it wasn’t safe to go to the frat party alone. And I didn’t pay attention when my skin prickled as Luke took my hand and told me he was going to show me the time of my life, or when my blood chilled when he winked at his friend. Instead, I thought about all the girls who were desperate for his attention and how Luke had picked me. So I told Tag I wouldn’t go and I went anyway.

And when he pinned me to the bed and tore off my clothes, I screamed for Tag. Because he had been right and I hadn’t listened. Because he had always been there to save me when we were kids. Because in my heart I knew he would come.