Full Contact (Redemption #3)(14)
“And taken.”
“Well…no.” I sigh and lower my spoon. “Which is a shame because I’m not looking for a relationship right now.”
“You haven’t been looking for a relationship for years.” She gives a sarcastic snort. “Even when you were in a relationship, you said you weren’t looking for a relationship.”
“They weren’t real relationships. What I had with Charlie and James was comfortable, and I was so grateful for everything they did for me, I felt I owed it to them to try to be in a relationship. And Peter was—”
“A pig.” Jess curses as she has done every time I mention the name of the man who broke it off with me because I had too much “baggage.”
“Seriously,” I say. “I need to focus on my work so I can help out Mom and Dad, and save money so I can open up my own studio one day. And I’ve got to shake off the Tag shackles.”
Longing flickers across her face. “Tag’s overprotective because he cares.”
But not about her. The unspoken words hang between us. Tag has always treated her like another little sister; never once did he give any sign he saw her as anything other than a friend.
She takes a bite of her tofu scramble. “If you really wanted to throw off the Tag shackles, you’d just tell him. You wouldn’t call him up when you need help. You wouldn’t ask his advice about everything. You wouldn’t ride home with him after work. You wouldn’t ride criminal-shotgun in the back of his police car. Of course, there are some of us who would die for a big brother like that, but if you want to throw it all away for a little independence, well, that’s up to you.”
“Sarcasm doesn’t become you.” I try for a withering stare and make her laugh instead.
“And anger doesn’t become you. People with a smiley face generally look smiley even when they’re annoyed, which I know you are because you’ve stirred that chili into mush.”
“Okay then, man whispering genius.” I dab my lips with my napkin and hold up my phone. “Ray offered to take me home if we go late tonight. How do I play it with Tag? He always picks me up when I work late.”
Jess strokes an imaginary beard. “Tell him you have a date.”
“I don’t have a date. I have a client.”
“Seriously?” Jess throws her napkin on the table. “He shows up at your studio demanding your ink, kisses you, then invites you to Redemption on the pretense of seeing your designs but in reality so he can show off his cut, half-naked, muscular fighter’s body, then he says you’re sexy, and you don’t think you have a date?”
“Not really.”
She shakes her head. “That’s how the males of most species work. They show off the plumage in the hopes of attracting a mate. And as a vet’s assistant, I would know.”
Leaning back in my seat, I raise an eyebrow. “You know about dogs, cats, snakes, gerbils, fish, and other small city-type pets. You ever get a peacock or a baboon or even a lion in your clinic?”
Jess pouts. “Now you’re just being mean. I took the job because I like animals. I read about them. I watch Nature and the Discovery Channel. I’m telling you, this is primal stuff. After the display, the winning alpha males make an assertion of dominance.”
“He didn’t pee on my feet, if that’s where you’re going with this.” I bite my lip to keep from laughing because Jess is dead serious.
She frowns and takes another bite of her tofu. “Did he beat his chest?”
“No.”
“Shout and wave his arms?”
“No.”
“Drag you around by your hair?”
“No.
“Did he assume a physically superior position?”
“Ah…”
Jess’s eyes widen. “Ah?”
“Well, when Tag came storming toward me, Ray kinda…stood between us. At first I thought I imagined it, but I wasn’t too sure.”
“Protective. Key alpha-male trait. He’s marked you. It means he wants you on a primal level.”
I give my lentil mush a vigorous stir. “How about if he just likes me on a normal level?”
Jess snorts a laugh. “I’ve seen him in the ring. That man is one hot, dominant alpha-male package all wrapped up with a fancy, badass bow. Men like that don’t do normal. They live on the edge. Push it to the max. It’s all or nothing. All out or all in. No mercy. No surrender.”
“No control.” I sigh and put down my fork. “Too dangerous for me. I need someone calm and predictable. Someone I can trust.”
“You had that and you were bored out of your mind.” Jess waves the waitress over. “And now the epitome of alpha male-dom is clearly interested, and you don’t want that either. What do you want?”
Emotion wells up in my chest, and I drop my spoon on the table. “I want to let someone into my life without worrying that I’ve totally misjudged him or that I won’t be safe. I want to be normal, Jess. I want to be able to trust someone, intimately.”
“What’s so great about normal?” She keeps her voice low. “Taking a bottle of sleeping pills and slitting your wrists at the age of seventeen isn’t normal, but I do okay.”
“Jess…” I’ve never been able to understand how she can be so candid about what happened to her the night we met, or about the abuse she suffered that led her down that path. But that’s Jess. She puts it all out there, and if you can’t deal, she walks away.