Frostblood (Frostblood Saga #1)(41)

“What if I do manage to kill the king without destroying the throne?” I asked. “What then?”

“Another ruler will take the king’s place, someone who must be stronger than the throne and its dark appetites.”

“And if not?”

“The curse will continue and the new ruler may become the same as the current one.”

I crossed my arms and let out a breath. “You’re saying if I don’t destroy the throne, the kingdom will be no better off than it is now.”

“That is very likely, yes.”

I stood and started pacing the length of the room. “Why are you doing this? Why risk the abbey and… spend all this time training me? What’s it to you?”

“I believe I came to this land for a reason. I cannot watch the kingdom fall into destruction. I am not even sure you, with everything you have gone through, understand the suffering that goes on all around us.”

I came back to the bench and sat. I stared at the ice crystals under Brother Thistle’s chair, shivering, trying to sort out my feelings, which were some combination of anticipation and dread. When a cold hand covered mine, I jumped so hard I knocked my head against the window behind me. Brother Thistle removed his hand, but I could feel his stare. His expression was almost forlorn.

“It was much easier to make these plans before I knew you,” he said. “Before you came here, you were a tool to be used, a weapon to be wielded at our choosing. After all, you were slated for death anyway. If you died in the completion of our plan, it would be a worthy sacrifice. But now… please believe this is hard for me. You are a kind, feisty, headstrong, impulsive, generous young woman. I have grown quite fond of you.”

“That’s quite a list of virtues and vices.”

“With the virtue playing the greater part,” he said with a slightly sad smile. “It is much harder to send you into danger than I expected. And, I believe, even more difficult for Arcus.”

I gave a harsh laugh. “I doubt that.”

“You do not know him as I do. He is as gifted at concealing his feelings as he is at wielding frost. I believe I have come to know him better than anyone. The more he feels, the more impervious he seems.”

“Really? And how does he show that he’s impervious? I suppose by being passionate?”

“Ruby—”

“What happens when the throne is destroyed?” I asked, not wanting to hear any more about Arcus and his feelings.

“My belief is that when you destroy the throne, the curse will be destroyed as well. In that case, the king may undergo a transformation.”

My brow furrowed. “What kind of transformation?”

“The curse has controlled him for years, but if the throne is destroyed, he may return to his senses and realize how far he has fallen.”

“Or he’ll be furious that I destroyed his source of power.”

“True. But my hope is that by destroying the throne, you will cure him.”

“Cure him? I’m supposed to kill him!”

“Well,” he said, looking at me carefully from under his white brows, “I once told you that a reason we sought you out was because your mother was a healer. I have reason to believe that you will not need to kill the king. You might be able to save him.”

I spoke slowly and carefully, struggling to keep a rein on my temper. “I’ve been training for over two months to kill the Frost King, and now you suggest I don’t?”

He spread his hands. “I am only offering you another way.”

“I don’t want another way! My mother was nothing but kind to everyone, and they killed her in front of me! Can you even begin to understand—” I bit off the words as my voice broke. When I spoke again, it was low and calm. “No. I’m going to kill the king. That’s what all this was for. That’s… all I live for.”

“Is it? Is that really all you have to live for?”

There was a long silence. Part of my mind chattered at me that I’d found friends, I’d found people to care about here. There was more to my life than hate. But another part said that I would never have peace. I clutched my hands together in my lap, my mind in turmoil. Brother Thistle leaned forward and cleared his throat.

“Summer solstice is barely three weeks away, Ruby. You’ll leave us soon to attempt a task that has no guarantee of success. You need to decide what you’re fighting for. Who you truly are.”

Rage bloomed in my chest like a deadly flower. Pressure built behind my eyes and in my chest until it was too much to hold in. I wanted to scream and tear things apart.

“And you’re saying I’m a healer?” I nearly spat the word. “After everything he’s done to me, you think… I should try to heal him? I’d kill myself first.”

I strode to the door and found my way blocked by a hooded shadow.

Arcus.

The thought of him listening to the conversation, silently agreeing with Brother Thistle, made my hands tighten into fists. I came straight at him, plowing into his arm with my shoulder as I bolted from the room.





FOURTEEN



SOUNDS WERE DROWNED OUT BY MY ragged breathing, my feet slamming the earth. I’d been so desperate to have a home again I had given up all thought of what I was doing here. They had brought me here to use me, and I had agreed, eager to die for them because I was getting what I wanted: revenge. And now they didn’t want me to even have that.