From The Ashes (The Ministry of Curiosities #6)(83)

"I've wanted to tell you something ever since you returned, but it was never the right time," Lady Vickers said, taking hold of both my hands. "I can see the way things are between you and Mr. Fitzroy, and it's creating tension for everyone. It's time to set it aside and move ahead. You must make a decision about him. I'm sure you realize that the choice is up to you."

I was torn between telling her not to meddle and asking her to hug and comfort me. In the end, I said nothing.

"Perhaps what I have to say will help sway your mind. It's the same thing I said to him before he left, and I don't think I'm overstating my influence too much when I tell you my advice led him to bring you back."

I blinked at her. I suddenly felt very small and insignificant. When I lived as a boy, I'd hid behind my hair and crept into tiny spaces to remove myself from the dangerous streets. I'd been a quiet mouse that had only roared when pushed, and Lincoln had pushed me to my limits when we'd first met. Now, the luxury of anonymity was denied me, but at times like this, I longed for it again. I desperately wanted to crawl away and hide.

"I told him that love is not a choice," Lady Vickers went on, leveling her gaze with mine, "but accepting it into one's life is."

She'd spoken to Lincoln about love? And he'd listened? Or was she fooling herself in regards to her influence? It didn't seem like something Lincoln would want to hear.

And yet something had made him change his mind and fetch me.

"Falling in love is a frightening experience for someone used to being in control of one's emotional state. I suspect he felt as if he was losing his self-control, the very thing that made him successful in work, and the thing you yourself fell in love with."

"It's not his self-control I love." I bit my tongue. I'd said more than I wanted to. I glanced up the stairs again, half expecting to see him there, but it was empty.

"Perhaps not, but it is the thing which most people respect about him. It's the thing that makes him unique, and he was losing it with you. His life was heading in a direction he never anticipated, and very quickly, too. He was afraid."

"Lincoln isn't afraid of anything."

"Everyone is afraid of something."

I folded my arms. "How can you know what he feared? You hardly know him."

"We are not that dissimilar. I risked much to be with the man I loved, too."

"You think being with me is a risk for him?"

"Accepting his love for you is. Very much so. Don't belittle his efforts to make everything right between you again. It's difficult for most men, but I suspect even harder for him. You said it yourself—he has rarely had to consider the opinions of others."

"I'm not belittling him," I said. "But I haven't been fair on him. I know that."

She drew me into a hug and kissed the top of my head. "After a little persuading from me, your Mr. Fitzroy decided he would rather risk losing control of his life and his emotions than be without you. That, my dear, is quite a statement he made."

I sniffed. "I know."

"There, there. Don't cry, Pet." She squeezed me then handed me her handkerchief. "I'm rather good at this mother-daughter thing, aren't I?"

I laughed as I dabbed my cheeks. "You are."

"I've always wanted a daughter who'll listen to her mother, rather than an ungrateful son who will not."

"Seth's not ungrateful. Angry, yes, but that will pass."

"I do hope so," she said on a sigh.

I was about to head up the stairs when the doctor arrived. He stayed with Lincoln for an interminably long time, then wouldn't let anyone in to see him afterward except Doyle.

"He needs to rest and stay calm," the doctor said. "His head aches and his vision is blurred. I suspect the combination is unsettling his stomach." He did not sound at all confident in his diagnosis.

"Will he be all right?" I asked.

"Lets hope so."

I groaned.

Lady Vickers took my hand. "Thank you, Doctor."

"I'll return tomorrow," he said, eyeing me carefully.

Tomorrow took an awfully long time to arrive. When it finally did, I warred with myself all day about going against the doctor's orders, but Doyle and Seth assured me they would take care of Lincoln when he wasn't sleeping.

"He won't sleep if you go in there," Seth said as I hovered outside the door. "And he needs to rest. The doctor said it's not just the bump on the head, but he's most likely been suffering exhaustion for some time."

I slumped back against the wall and buried my hands in my hair. I hadn't bothered to fix it that morning, and it hung untidily past my shoulders.

"I knew it," Seth went on with a shake of his head. "I knew he wasn't sleeping while you were away. He was…erratic." He grunted. "I want to say it serves him bloody right."

"But you can't," I finished for him. "Nor can I."

Thank God a distraction arrived in the form of Alice. A hansom delivered her to our door, valise in one hand and the other clamped on her hat as she stared up at Lichfield's central tower.

"I had the same reaction when I first saw it," I said, running down the front steps.