From The Ashes (The Ministry of Curiosities #6)(57)

"Why?" Seth whined. "I looked in on him not long ago."

Lincoln gave him a withering glare and Seth sighed. He followed Gus out. Cook left too, without being asked. Lincoln had just made sure that we were alone. I suddenly felt trapped. Even more so when he shut the door.

I poured him a cup of tea, but regretted it when I went to hand it to him. My trembling made the cup rattle in the saucer.

"Thank you," he said and sipped.

I sipped too and avoided his gaze. If he mentioned that kiss, I'd…I'd walk out. I wasn't ready to discuss such things with him. Intimacy needed to be avoided at all costs. By that measure, being alone with him should be avoided too.

"You'll need a new coat and gloves," he said.

"I have another."

"Even so."

We both sipped again.

"I expected the committee to come this afternoon," I said.

"As did I."

"Did you have a chance to look through the paperwork Mannering stole from Bell?"

He nodded. "It wasn't particularly helpful. There's nothing in it that we don't already know." He set his cup down and came to sit on the sofa beside me. "I want to talk to you. About us," he added, as if I were thinking of something else.

"I'd rather not." I went to stand, but he caught my hand. I snatched it away.

"I suspect you have some things you need to get off your chest."

"You want me to do the talking?"

"I want you to say everything you want to say to me now. Everything that's upsetting you. Don't hold back."

I straightened my spine and strode to the fireplace to gather my wits. "Very well, but be warned, you're not going to like it."

"I don't expect to."

I drew in a deep breath and let it out slowly. There was so much to say to him. The only problem was, where to begin?





Chapter 14





I twisted my fingers together behind my back and looked Lincoln in the eye. As always, it was an unnerving experience, and I wished I could look away again, but it was too late. I felt myself being sucked in by those pitch black orbs, unable to escape.

I cleared my throat. "The thing is, Lincoln, I think you know everything that I'm going to tell you already."

"I want to hear it from you."

"You are a glutton for punishment."

His gaze lowered, severing the connection and releasing me.

I gasped in a deep breath and let it out slowly. I could do this. I could tell him levelly what I thought without letting my emotions rule me. "You must know by now, from my reaction and that of the others, that what you did devastated me."

His only response was to look up again and swallow heavily. He didn't speak and it would seem he was prepared to sit quietly without interrupting.

"You broke my heart when you sent me away, and almost broke my spirit." My voice cracked, much to my horror. I'd wanted to present a strong front. I wanted to show him that he couldn't break me altogether. So far, I wasn't making a very good case.

He rose but I put my hand out to stop him coming closer. He sat again, and passed a hand over his chin and jaw.

"Tell me honestly, Lincoln. Why did you send me away? I know it wasn't just to keep me safe."

He cleared his throat. "That was one reason. But mostly it was because you distracted me from my work. When I'm distracted, I don't work efficiently, and if I'm not efficient, dangerous things happen. People die. Killers slip through cracks. I forget to do important things."

Well. There it was. Now I knew, although I'd suspected. It was a relief, in a way, to hear him say it. It explained why he still cared about my wellbeing, although it didn't make the pain hurt any less.

"I should have told you," he said heavily. "But I thought it best that you believed I'd had a change of heart. I truly wanted you to make a fresh start away from here, with other people. Normal people. I wanted you to forget me and you couldn't do that if you had hope that I…that I still cared."

I looked down at my slippered feet and twisted my fingers tightly behind me. My heart hammered against its cage, yet my mind felt clear. I looked up again and met his steady gaze. "You need to stop treating me like a child."

"I wasn't aware that I did."

"Perhaps not a child, but someone unworldly, innocent. I may have a friendlier, more open nature than you, but that doesn't make me an ignorant fool."

His lips clamped together and a muscle bunched in his jaw. I suspected he was trying very hard not to respond.

"I know the dangers of living here and being involved with the ministry," I went on. "And with you."

His gaze sharpened. His chest expanded with his breath.

"Did my absence help you focus?" Although I suspected I already knew the answer, I wanted to hear it from his lips.

"No. Sending you away was a mistake, in more ways than I can express." He leaned forward and rested his elbows on his knees. Some of his hair fell over his face, obscuring his eyes. He looked up at me through the curtain of lashes and hair. "I regret my actions, Charlie. I hope you know that."

My throat tightened. He looked so out of place, sitting on the sofa while I stood by the fire. It wasn't lost on me that the positions were usually swapped. "I do."