From Sanctum with Love (Masters and Mercenaries #10)(114)

“Then why haven’t you called her?”

Because getting back into that world meant opening herself up again. “You don’t understand what it’s like.”

Sarah stared at her. “Then tell me. Make me understand why you would ignore such an obvious gift. I thought about it all night. I think everything comes back to what happened to you in Hollywood. It’s why you won’t fight now.”

“I was criticized every single day.”

Sarah shook her head. “You had a shitty Master.”

“It wasn’t just Morgan. It’s everyone. You put your heart and soul into your work every day and once a year you get called in for a performance review with your boss. I got fifteen performance reviews every hour of every day, and it’s all on the Internet. My dialogue is stupid. The plot of this film desperately needed to find a writer whose head wasn’t stuck up her ass. Do you know what that’s like? And every minute of every day I was terrified that it would all be over.”

There was very little sympathy in Sarah’s stare. “That’s tough on you. No one in the whole world has ever had that happen.”

“Don’t be a bitch.” Very few people had to deal with that level of scrutiny.

Sarah waved her off. “I’m simply saying that we all have our issues. You had the greatest job in the world. You got to make a living doing what most people would kill to do. You don’t see Jared out there crying and quitting because some people think his show is stupid. That man gets told every single day that he’s a bad actor. Guess what—he doesn’t believe them. He gets up and does his job and he’s thankful for it.”

“No, apparently he murders people when the going gets tough.” Kori closed her eyes in shame. “I didn’t mean that.”

“I’m glad because he didn’t do this and if he’ll let me, I’m going to stand by him. I care about him and damn it, I’m going to fight for what I want,” Sara said passionately. “I’m never going to let a few shitty voices stop me. And I’ve read your reviews. You don’t mention the ones where they talk about how much they loved the script, how close they felt to the characters, how the films you wrote gave people something to think about other than the bad things happening in their lives. God, Kori, you don’t get the gift without the curse. It doesn’t work that way. You don’t throw away the gift because it comes with some strings. And you don’t throw away a man like Kai because you’re still a scared girl who thinks no man will ever love you. Love is hard. Love isn’t guaranteed. It’s something you work at and you fight for. Happily ever after is something you earn every damn day of your life. You want it easy. There’s no such thing.”

Emotion welled inside her. “But I did this. I let myself be controlled. You’re right. I wanted it easy. When I first started my relationship with Morgan, I think I wanted him to take over everything. I wanted to do nothing but write. I didn’t care that he took most of the credit because I lost myself in it. It was the first time I felt free.” Because she’d had to deal with parents who fought constantly. Because she’d thought the worst thing in the world was listening to her mom and dad fight until she’d been forced to listen to the utter silence after her father died. Those first few years in LA had been a revelation, and then she’d been forced to deal with the world she herself had made. “I let him use me. I let him take from me. I let him turn me into someone I didn’t recognize.”

Sarah’s eyes softened. “God, Kori, you grew up. That’s what happened. Stop trying to turn this into some grand drama. You grew up and you looked back and hated who you were. Every single one of us does that at some point. Forgive yourself. Stop hating yourself and stop running because you can’t outrun yourself.”

Was that what she was trying to do? Was she trying to run from who she’d been? From who she was afraid she could be again? Why had she wasted all that time when she’d known she wanted to be with Kai? Because at the end of the day, she wasn’t scared of him. She was scared of herself.

Her gut knotted and she was about to explain to Sarah what was going through her head when she heard a knock on the door. Damn it. Well, at least it saved her from having to answer some difficult questions.

Sarah frowned and stalked over to the door, peering out the peephole. “It’s Jared’s friend. Maybe he has news on Jared since you won’t call Kai to find out.”

That had been a serious point of contention between them on the ride home. Sarah had seen some of the press concerning Jared’s arrest and wanted to go over to see him. Kori had stopped her, saying they didn’t know if they would have to get through a crowd of reporters or if Jared even wanted to see them.

At least now maybe she would get some answers. Sarah opened the door and let Squirrel in.

He was shorter than Jared and likely weighed fifty pounds less, but it was obvious he worked out with his buddy. He had a wiry strength to his lean frame. “Hey, I was hoping I could talk to you. I know you’re pissed at Jared, but you have to understand.”

Sarah shut the door behind him. “You don’t have to plead his case to me.”

Kori’s cell trilled as they spoke. She looked down. God, there were ten voice mails and twenty texts from Kai. And one very angry note from Erin swearing she’d already told Ian they’d left and there would be spankings aplenty in their future. She quickly texted Erin to let her know they’d made it home all right and not to worry. And then she looked at the messages from Kai.