From Ant to Eagle(63)

“I’m sorry, Cal,” he said, but his voice was shaky. “I know I haven’t been there for you these last few months. I’m trying my best—I really am—but I, I just feel so tired all the time.” He wiped his eyes on his sleeve and turned toward me. It is the worst thing in the world to see your father cry and I realized I was crying too. “I just miss your brother so much and I…it’s no excuse. I’m going to try harder. You’ll see, I will.”

“I don’t want you and Mom to get divorced,” I said. “I didn’t mean what I said earlier.”

He nodded. “I know. We both know. We talked after you left—we’re going to try not to fight anymore.”

“Maybe you should go see the counsellor like Mom thinks,” I suggested.

He looked at me momentarily then nodded.

“Okay, I’ll give it a try. Maybe we can all go.”

“Okay,” I said under my breath. I wasn’t keen on going to talk to someone, but if it meant that Mom and Dad might be better, I’d go. I’d do anything to stop the cancer crumble.

We pulled into the driveway and the car stopped. Before I got out I said, “Dad?”

“Uh huh?”

“I know you miss Sammy. I miss him too.”

He leaned over the backseat and I leaned forward. We hugged awkwardly then I climbed out of the car.

Later that night I had part two of my family reconciliation when Mom came into my room. I had been lying on my single bed—the bunk beds now gone—looking through the journal with all the Levels but closed it quickly when I heard her coming. I put my face into the pillow and pretended to be sleeping. I knew it was her because she sat on the bed and started rubbing my back, just like she always did to Sammy.

“Cal,” she said. “I heard about your talk with your father. I wanted to come and tell you I’m sorry too. We shouldn’t have been yelling.”

I continued to pretend to be asleep.

“I think it’s a good idea for us all to see the counsellor. Me included. We’re struggling with everything and it will help if we struggle together. I know I’ve been hard on you but I—”

“And hard on Dad,” I said.

She paused. “Yes, and hard on Dad. But I’m going to try my best to let things go. I have to realize that everyone grieves in their own way and it’s not fair for me to expect you two to want to do everything I do. Anyway, I’m happy we’re going to talk to someone.”

Her arms wrapped around me from behind and I turned. We hugged and I whispered, “I’m sorry I told you I wanted you to leave.”

“I know,” she whispered back.





CHAPTER 41

WINTER GAVE WAY TO SPRING AND A WARM BREEZE BLEW through the open kitchen door. The snow was gone except for a few shadowy places and everywhere the world was starting to green again. The birds were back. Soon the corn would be planted and I could start judging the passage of time by its height. Summer was around the corner.

I was lying in bed listening to a sparrow outside when something caught my attention. I climbed from my bed and went to the window to get a closer look. When I was sure of what I’d seen I raced downstairs.

“Mom, Dad!” I yelled.

Mom was sitting at the kitchen table and stood up quickly. “What is it, Cal?” she said, looking frightened.

I heard footsteps racing down the stairs after me and Dad appeared in his pajamas. “Cal?” he said. “What’s the problem?”

I ran over and grabbed his hand. “Come quickly—outside!”

I pulled him through the screen door and Mom followed. We rounded the house to my bedroom window. In front of it stood the two cherry trees—Sakura and Big Tree.

“Look,” I said, pulling down the lowest branch from Sakura.

They got closer to see.

Sure enough, there they were—tiny miracles on every branch.

“Sammy!” I said.

The whole branch was covered in them. Tiny buds, some already showing signs of opening. I looked over at Big Tree—it had buds too, but that was no surprise, it had blossomed every spring since we’d moved to Huxbury, but Sakura, well, that was Sammy.

Dad looked at Mom and smiled. She wrapped her arms around his waist and smiled too.

I didn’t stay long to admire the tree. I had something else I needed to do. I raced back inside and grabbed my backpack from my room then sprinted across our lawn toward the fields.

“Where are you going?” Mom called after me.

“I have something I need to do!” I yelled back.

By the time I arrived at Aleta’s house I was completely out of breath and my legs were tired. I leaned against the front door and knocked. Raquel opened it and I practically fell on top of her.

“Is…Aleta…here?” I panted.

Raquel raised her eyebrows. “She’s upstairs. Is everything all right?”

“Everything’s fine,” I said.

When I entered Aleta’s room she looked at me like I was a ghost.

“Cal?”

I realized I hadn’t even knocked.

She was wearing sweatpants and a tank top. A book lay open on her chest.

I tossed my backpack next to her on the bed.

“I’m ready,” I said.