Freeks(70)

“Why do you look so amazed?” I asked, slowly walking over to him as music wafted out through the speakers around us.

He shrugged and offered me a sheepish smile. “I don’t know. I’m just taking it all in.”

“I know it’s rundown, but I didn’t think it was that amazing,” I teased, and for once, I was just joking—not trying to cover up my insecurities.

With Gabe, I was beginning to realize that I didn’t need to feel ashamed or embarrassed. Everything he saw about me, everything he learned, he just accepted. He never judged or shamed me. He just held his arms and heart open for me.

“No, no, it’s not that,” Gabe hurried to explain. “It’s just … this is where you live. Where you fill your time and keep all your secrets. I just wanna take it all in, I guess.”

“You’re wondering how I fill my time?” I asked, stopping so I was mere inches from him. “Read books. Listen to music. Play cards. Kiss boys.”

“Kiss boys?” Gabe asked with an arched eyebrow.

“Sometimes,” I admitted with a sly smile.

“Like now?” He leaned down and kissed me softly, his lips barely brushing against mine. He wrapped an arm around my waist, pulling me closer to him and kissing me in that subdued way that only made me want him more.

I pressed my body against his, and he pulled back. I stared up expectantly at him, at the smile playing on his lips and the devilish glint in his eyes that I was falling for.

“You know what room I’ve really been dying to see?” he asked huskily. “Your bedroom.”

“I have seen yours a few times, so it does only seem fair,” I replied with a smile.

I took his hand, leading him back through the beaded curtain to my small room at the back of the Winnebago. For his part, Gabe did attempt to check it out—looking at all the books and scarves and jewelry and posters that covered the space.

But then I grabbed his hand, meaning to pull him to me, but the icy dagger twisted inside my chest, sending a freezing pain shooting through me.

“Mara?” Gabe asked, but before he could say more, I pulled him to me. I wouldn’t let the cold stop me—not this time. I wanted to be with him, and I wouldn’t let anything get in my way.

I kissed him as deeply as I could, hoping to melt the ice that ached inside my chest, and I pulled him back onto the bed with me.

Then his mouth was on mine, hungry and strong. My arms were around him, pressing into the firm muscles of his back, and I wrapped my legs around him. The ice in my chest still ached painfully, but I ignored it and focused solely on the way I felt as Gabe touched me.

His hands were slipping under my clothes. His fingers were bold and hot as they explored my body, running over the tender flesh of my belly before finding my breasts beneath my bra.

It was apparent that clothes were only getting in our way, and we parted long enough to strip them off. I barely took the time to appraise his body because I was so eager to feel him against me.

Then we were together again, and his mouth trailed down from my lips to my neck. His teeth scraped deliciously against my flesh as he moved down, sending pleasurable shivers through me. With his arms around me, I could feel his muscles as they barely held back from crushing me with their strength.

I wanted him—no, I needed him, needed to feel all of him. My body was aching for him.

I pulled away from him, and as I did, he gave me this wonderful helpless puppy look that belied the ferociousness of the hunger in his eyes and, for some reason, that made me like him so much more.

“One second,” I promised him, and I leaned over to fumble through my nightstand drawer until I finally found a condom.

Relief washed over his face, and a few quick seconds later, it was on, and then his mouth was on mine. He kissed me for a moment, holding on to the last few seconds that we were separate, and then he slid inside me. A soft moan escaped his lips, and I closed my eyes.

The heat from him seemed to radiate all through me, and the ice that stabbed through my heart finally went away. It didn’t just melt—it was as if Gabe set me ablaze from within, and all I could feel and think and be was him.

I dug my fingers into his back, and when he finished, he let out a low, guttural sound, reminding me of a soft growl.

He rolled onto his back, then pulled me into his arms. He kissed the top of my head, and I listened to the steady rhythm of his heart in his chest.

“I’m falling in love with you, Mara,” he said softly.

“Me too,” I whispered. In the delirium of the afterglow, I let myself really feel it—how much I cared for Gabe and how I wanted to spend all of forever with him if I could.

And then my mom’s voice was echoing in my mind. “There is a darkness within you, but there is strength, and there is goodness too,” she’d told Gabe with the strange assertion as she’d eyed him up.

Lying in his arms against the firm contours of his body, I felt his undeniable strength. And I thought I could feel the goodness in him—in the gentleness of his touch as he stroked my hair and murmured how much he cared for me.

But soon the iciness in my chest began to take hold again, sending a painful shiver through me. I couldn’t help but wonder about the darkness my mom had seen within him.

I’d known about it too, from the first moment I saw him. Deep down inside, I’d felt like I should be afraid of him, and despite all that, I’d never felt safer anywhere else than in his arms right now.