Freeks(48)

27. slumber

“So how was the date?” Roxie asked. In the darkness of the campsite, her face was nearly hidden, other than the ember from her cigarette.

I’d gotten back to camp just in time to help the carnival close down, and then I’d helped make supper for everyone. Now, everyone else had gone to their motorhomes for the night, except for Roxie, who sat on the steps outside her door, smoking, while I put away lawn chairs.

“It was good,” I said, since I didn’t know how else to answer. “We’re seeing each other again on Wednesday.”

I liked Gabe a lot, and I was liking him more the more time I spent with him. But the run-in with Troy and Logan had left a blemish on the whole evening. Not to mention the fact that I felt Gabe was hiding something from me.

But did I even have a right to be upset that he was keeping some kind of secret from me? I’d be leaving in less than a week. I would never be able to know everything about him anyway, so what did it hurt if he wanted to keep a few things to himself?

“That’s good,” Roxie said. “I’m glad you’re having fun.”

I walked over and sat down beside her. After her shows tonight, she’d showered away all the makeup and hair products, so her blond hair hung wet down her back against her oversize T-shirt.

“I thought you quit smoking,” I commented.

“I did.” She let out a heavy sigh. “I’ll quit again once we leave this place.”

“Yeah, I think this town is wearing on everyone,” I said, looking out at all the darkened motorhomes. Normally, people would stay up a bit to talk and unwind, but since we’d been in Caudry, as soon as the meal was over, everyone went inside and locked up.

“It’s just so weird being in the trailer by myself.” She flicked her ashes and chewed her lip. “Ever since I joined this carnival, I’ve never been alone.”

That was the good and the bad about growing up the way I had. People were always around—looking out for you, caring for you, telling on you, invading your privacy. It was a mixed bag.

“When Carrie started dating Seth, he was always hanging around our trailer,” Roxie went on. “And Blossom started staying half the time at your place, but she was still here a lot. I was always tripping over one of them. And now … they’re all gone.”

“Carrie and Seth are just in town at the hospital, and they’ll be back soon,” I reminded her. “And you keep saying that you’re sure Blossom will turn up at the end of the week.”

“I know, but…” She trailed off and the silence hung in the air. “I’m a little envious of you, actually.”

I looked at her sharply. “What? Why?”

She shrugged and stared down at the ground. “Everything’s so easy with you and Gabe.”

I scoffed. “It has not been easy.”

She shook her head. “No, I know. I just mean you like him, and he likes you, so you’re together, and you kiss and talk and do all the things couples do.”

“Well, not all the things,” I corrected her softly.

“Sometimes, I have crushes on people.” When she said it, her eyes lingered for a long time on the trailer that Luka and Hutch shared.

I’d suspected for a while that Hutch had a crush on Roxie, but I could never quite get a read on how exactly Roxie felt about him. She teased him a lot and always kept him at arm’s length, but Roxie kept pretty much everyone at arm’s length.

“If you like someone, you could just tell them,” I suggested.

“I know.” She shook her head again. “But I’m just not ready.” She took a long drag of her cigarette and exhaled a big plume of smoke. “Ever since what happened with my stepdad … I don’t think I’ll ever be ready.”

Roxie had lost control of her pyrokinesis. Her house burned to the ground, and, thankfully, other than her stepdad—whose hands had been burned to crisps—no one had been hurt.

That was the night that Roxie took off, and she kept running until she finally found the carnival.

“You’ll be ready when you’re ready,” I told her gently. “And if someone really cares about you, they’ll understand, and they’ll wait until you are absolutely certain that you’re ready.”

“I hope so,” she said.

Abruptly, she threw her cigarette on the ground and stomped it out with the heel of her bare foot. “I should head inside, I guess.”

“I can stay with you tonight,” I offered. “If you want.”

Roxie seemed to consider this for a moment, then nodded. “All right. You can stay in Blossom’s bed.”

I ran over to my Winnebago to let my mom know that I was just staying at Roxie’s, so she wouldn’t worry, and I changed into pajamas. When I went back into Roxie’s Airstream, all the lights were off except for her bedside lamp.

Her room was in the back, with her narrow twin bed across from Blossom’s. She sat cross-legged on the covers and brushed her long platinum-blond hair.

There were three young women sharing a small trailer, so their stuff was crammed everywhere. All of the drawers were overflowing, and the door to the closet could never completely close. Posters and pictures covered every inch of the wall. One of Seth’s shirts lay on the sofa that folded out into Carrie’s bed.