Freeks(38)
Gabe followed me behind the curtain, pushing me back until I was pressed against the cold metal wall of the trailer. His mouth was on mine, kissing more ferociously than he had before. One of his hands slid up my shirt, his fiery fingers pressing into my side as he held me, and I wrapped my arms around his neck.
The feel of his body—firm and hot—pressing against me, mixed with the feel of the metal—cold and unyielding—pressed against my back. He felt so hungry, and I wanted him to devour me. I wanted to consume him, to feel him on every inch of my flesh—
—then I felt an icy dagger piercing my heart. A brief agony tore through me, and my chest felt frozen, with the cold blasting through me.
“Mara?” Gabe sounded breathless and panicked.
I blinked as the cold subsided, and his hand was on my cheek, gently forcing me to look up at him. Even in the shadows of the trailer, his dark golden eyes seemed to glow as they searched my face.
“Are you okay?” Gabe asked, and I managed to nod. “What happened? You just … froze up.”
“I don’t know.” I lowered my eyes, because I couldn’t explain it.
“I’m sorry if I was being too aggressive.” His voice was low and pained.
“No, no. It wasn’t that.” I smiled weakly at him and took his hand. “I liked that. I like kissing you.”
He smiled crookedly. “I like kissing you too.”
“Good. I’m glad that’s settled, then.”
“Maybe we should get out there and get some air.” Gabe motioned toward the exit behind him.
He stepped back then and bumped right into a crate, sending it clattering to the floor. He bent down, scrambling to pick everything up.
“Hey! Nobody’s allowed back here!” Luka barked, and he pushed back through a curtain. He must’ve been in the back, getting ready to take over and give Damon a break. But then he saw me and confusion spread out on his face. “Mara? What are you…”
Then his eyes darted to Gabe, and Luka’s eyes widened with realization.
Gabe had straightened up, giving up on cleaning the mess, then motioned between Luka and me. “You two know each other?”
“Shit. I’m sorry,” Luka apologized, but it was too late. My secret was out.
20. the fool
“Let’s talk outside,” I told Gabe with my head bowed. He tried to take my hand, but I pulled away and walked ahead of him.
Outside the darkness of the trailer, the lights felt blinding, and I blinked as I waited for my eyes to adjust.
“What’s going on?” Gabe asked, but I kept walking ahead of him, wanting to get as far away from the bright sounds and flashing lights and curious eyes as I could. “Mara!”
I stopped then, just on the other side of the booths and tents. My back was to the carnival, and I could see the campsite through the chain-link fence. I could just about make out the shape of my old Winnebago, the dusty trailer I’d called home for the past several years, and my mind flashed onto the beautiful mansion that Gabe lived in.
“Mara, if I did something wrong, you can tell me,” Gabe said. “If you want me to slow things down, I can. I just—”
“You didn’t do anything wrong,” I said, and I turned to face him. It wasn’t cold, but I wrapped my arms around myself.
“Was that guy your boyfriend?” he asked tentatively.
I shook my head. “No. It’s nothing like that.”
He relaxed then—the lines of his body slacking—and let out a breath. “Then what’s going on?”
“That guy was my coworker.” I motioned to the midway. “I work here.” Then I pointed to the Winnebago. “And I live there.”
“You…” His brow furrowed, deep creases stretching out in his smooth skin above dark eyebrows. “You travel with the carnival?”
“That’s right.” I smiled bitterly. “I’m a carnie, and I work with a freak show.”
He looked at me, and I felt the shift in his gaze as he tried to search out what I did in the freak show. What thing made me a freak.
And I couldn’t talk to him anymore. I couldn’t bear the thought of hateful words coming from his lips, the same lips I could still taste on mine. I’d heard all the insults before, and they shouldn’t hurt, but they still did, and so far Gabe had been nothing but sweet to me. I didn’t want to tarnish that memory by hearing him call me something that could never be taken back.
“And I shouldn’t even be out with you.” I started to back away, toward the fence. “I have work I should be doing, so I really don’t even have time to see you.”
“Mara,” Gabe began.
“Don’t worry. I’ll be gone next Sunday, and you won’t ever have to see me again.”
“Mara,” he repeated, and took a step toward me, so I turned and started running.
I didn’t really have anywhere to go, so I ran until I found the gap in the fence, and I slid through it. The pointed edges scraped my skin, but I didn’t care. I kept running until I got to my Winnebago, and I never looked back.
Once I was inside, I leaned against the counter and struggled to catch my breath and slow the racing of my heart. Gabe and I hadn’t known each other that long, but I liked him, and it hurt knowing I wouldn’t be able to see him again.