Forgiving Lies (Forgiving Lies #1)(101)
Even if Kash hadn’t left, there would be no sense in repeating what I was sure they already knew. That was the night and morning that brought everything crashing down. Kash and Mason had been undercover looking for a serial killer for the Carnation Murders while simultaneously keeping their lives from Candice and me, and making sure that Blake and the men he had stalking me couldn’t get close to me. Even with all that had happened between Blake and me, no one had been expecting him to be the murderer Kash and Mase had been looking for. And by the time the guys had found out, I was stuck in a studio apartment with him against my will. What happened later is what led to my body being permanently scarred before I could be saved.
But, Blake, well he had been insane, and smart . . . aren’t all the genius’ the crazy ones? He’d set it up so he wouldn’t do time for the crimes he’d committed, and he never would. Blake set up his own death, as well as Kash and Mason’s. I thank God every day that Mason had been wearing a bulletproof vest and Kash had turned at the last second so nothing major had been hit.
I found Kash outside pacing back and forth with his hands in his nearly black hair. When I stepped outside and shut the door behind me, he stopped pacing, and after a few seconds, turned to face me.
“I’ll never forgive myself for what he did—”
“Stop,” I begged and stepped up to him, wrapping my arms around his narrow waist. “Just stop. You can’t keep doing this to yourself.”
“Rachel, I let all that happen to you!”
I had to blink back tears when I brought my left hand up to his right shoulder, then down a little onto his chest. Even through the shirt, I could feel the scarred skin from the gunshot wounds. “Then I let this happen to you,” I murmured and stared, fixated on my fingers as they lightly brushed against the fabric covering the scars.
He brushed strands of hair away from my face, and held my hair back. “No you didn’t, this had nothing to do with you.”
“It’s only fair; if what happened to me is your fault, then what happened to you is mine.”
A low growl built up in the back of his throat. “I was supposed to be protecting you, and I—”
I crushed my mouth to his to stop whatever he had been about to say, and waited until I felt his body relax beneath my fingertips. “It wasn’t your fault, and it wasn’t mine. We can’t keep doing this, Kash. We’re moving on with our lives and we’re moving on from what happened. Okay?”
He stayed silent as his gray eyes bounced back and forth between mine.
“No more blaming yourself,” I pleaded and kissed him softly again before letting my forehead rest against his.
“Fine.” He sighed heavily after another minute. “I’m sorry about their questions. They weren’t supposed to ask you anything about it. Mason and I told them that at least a dozen times.”
“Really it’s fine, they deserve to know. It’s a weird situation all around, and I had more information that they wanted . . . I’m sure they still want more details. But the details I have won’t change anything for them.”
Kash got silent again before pressing his lips to my forehead. “You’re amazing for reliving that . . . and you handled it well. But don’t feel like you need to answer their questions. Mase and I have answered enough. And that’s not what tonight was about. They’re like my second family, and they’ve been dying to meet you for months.”
“I like them. They’re really nice, and Maddie is hilarious. Another girl that doesn’t put up with your shit is great in my book.”
He laughed when I pushed against his toned stomach. “I’m sorry for getting frustrated.”
I took a few steps back and grabbed his hand to pull him with me. “Don’t be, let’s just go back in there and enjoy the rest of the night. Deal?”
He drew me back to his body and kissed me firmly. “Deal.”