Find Me Alastar(96)

“You okay?” He gently brushes my hair behind my shoulders.

I swallow the shameful lump in my throat. I desperately wish I didn’t come over here and make a scene that day. What was I thinking?

I nod. “Yes. I’m just thinking about last time I was here.”

His eyes hold mine. “Don’t.”

“Don’t what?”

“Let’s not go over that. It was a horrible day.”

“Why would you leave me here alone when I was so obviously upset,” I blurt out, unable to hold my tongue.

“Because I knew if I stayed, I would not have been able to do what I had to do.”

My eyes hold his. “What is it that you had to do, Alastar?” He shakes his head in annoyance. “Can we not?”

He walks into the kitchen to avoid this conversation and flicks on the kettle. He holds a tea bag up in the air and I nod. I know I shouldn’t keep going over that day but it’s damn hard not to.

He stays silent.

A burning question has been sizzling in my brain and I just can’t let it go, no matter how hard I try.

“I need to ask you something, Twinkle, and I want you to know before you answer it that it is totally okay if you do. It will change nothing between us.”

He looks up from his tea making duties.

“Do you have a mental health issue?” I ask softly.

His eyes hold mine as if shocked that I just asked that out loud. “Maybe.” He murmurs as his eyes go back to his tea bag dunking in our cups.

“Diagnosis?” I ask. I need to know what I’m dealing with here.

His eyes meet mine, and he smiles a broad, beautiful smile. “There is no diagnosis, Emmaline. I just get antsy sometimes when things are out of order or if I am stressed.”

What does that mean? My mind starts to run a million miles per minute. “So, last time I was here it was worse than normal.”

He nods again as if annoyed with me for noticing. “And?” he replies, his eyes not meeting mine.

“What were you stressed about?”

He snaps his eyes up and frowns. “You can’t be serious?”

Oh shit, was that out of line to ask that? I give a nervous nod.

“After the week we spent together, do you really think I was happy about letting you go?” He raises a brow in question.

I bite my bottom lip as I think. Come to think of it, I was pretty stressed then, too.

“So, it’s just when you get stressed that it acts up?”

“Yes. If it’s a problem…” He snaps annoyed.

“It’s not… not a problem,” I stammer as guilt fills me for bringing this up. “Its just, you mentioned at the awards dinner that you had been focused on the dark result.” He frowns.

“And…” I swallow nervously as I speak way too fast to try and cover up my reasoning. “If you suffer from depression, I would like to know about it.”

My eyes search his for a black and white answer.

“What if I do?” he asks.

I shake my head. “It doesn’t matter, but at least I will be aware of it.” I hesitate. “That’s all. It changes nothing between us. It doesn’t change who you are.”

He smirks and hands me my tea. “Thank you, that’s good to know. But no, I don’t have depression or a mental health issue.”

I smirk.

“Yet.” He widens his eyes to accentuate his point. “Although, you may have been sent here to drive me completely insane.”

I smile into my tea as I blow on it. If only he knew that he has already driven me around the twist. I sit down at the bench next to him and we drink our tea.

“So, what have you been doing while we were apart?” he asks.

I shrug. “Umm, going out.” I smirk. “A lot of drinking.” His eyes hold mine as I see something cross his face, a question.

“What is it?” I ask.

He frowns. “What do you mean?”

“What question did you want to just ask me?” “Have you…?” He hesitates and blows into his tea.

“Have I what?”

“Been with anyone.”

I screw up my face. “You must be joking.” He looks at me blankly.

I smile broadly. “No.” I frown. Hang on a second. “Why, have you?”

He shakes his head. “No, I haven’t.” Relief fills me and I drink my tea. “Oh, and I have been drawing and writing a bit.”

“Drawing? What kind of drawing?” He frowns.

I shrug like a silly school girl. “I don’t know, just random stuff. The drawings aren’t very good, but I have never wanted to do anything like this before. I’m kind of enjoying it, actually.”

He smiles into his drink.

“What have you been doing?” I ask.

“Working and...” His face lights up. “I have something to show you.” He stands and grabs my hand, leading me through the house and up the stairs until we arrive at his bedroom. We walk in and I stop dead in my tracks.

Holy Fuck.

A huge vision of myself is staring down at me from above his bed. The painting of the beautiful woman has now been replaced by a painting of me. My eyes turn to Alastar as he stares lovingly up at the portrait.