Find Me Alastar(139)

Stop it.

His eyes search mine and I know that he knows.

“Hello.”

His deep husky accent makes me smile. “Hello, Twinkle.”

He stands next to the seat as if sensing my inner turmoil. I pat the chair next to me and he sits in silence, picking up my hand to take it in his.

I swallow the roughness in my throat because I honestly don’t know if I can make the words leave my lips. I can already feel the tears forming but I have to stop. I have to get through this.

I turn to him and kiss his hand that is in mine. “What a brave beautiful man you are.” I smile.

He raises a brow in question. “Are you okay, my love?” he asks.

I nod and my eyes hold his. “I can’t marry you today, Twinkle.”

His eyes stay fixed on mine. “Why?”

“I know about the curse,” I whisper as the pain starts to close over my throat

He frowns. “How?”

“I found a letter yesterday in the library that you wrote to me after my last death.”

“What letter? I didn’t write a letter.”

I smile softly. “Its okay, you may not remember writing it. But it is what it is.”

He frowns as he thinks.

I kiss the back of his hand. “You know how much I love you?”

He shakes his head. “Don’t,” he whispers.

“I can’t let you go through this again.” I smile through tears.

“Emmaline,” his voice croaks in panic. “What are you talking about?”

“You lose me in every life and yet you still find me.” Pain lances my chest as the reality of the situation hits home. “Why?” I whisper.

“I would search for you forever for even one day of your love.”

I screw up my face as the tears form. “I can’t do this to you, baby,” I whisper.

He pulls my face into his and we kiss gently through my tears.

“I can’t let you go through every life in fear,” I whisper. “I’m not doing this to you again.”

He starts to shake his head frantically. “No, no, no, Em.”

“We can break this curse, Alastar.” My eyes search his. His nostrils flare as he tries desperately to hold in his tears. “No, I can’t do it. I can’t let you go.”

I want to howl to the moon and he pulls our heads together so our foreheads touch.

“The plan that you had was for us to spend a life apart to try and break this curse?” I ask.

His eyes drop to the floor and he nods once.

“We are going to do it,” I whisper. “We have to try.” I shake my head. “I am leaving to go back to Australia this afternoon.”

His eyes fill with tears this time and I run my hand through his stubble as I stare into his beautiful face.

He pulls me into an embrace and we stay in each other’s arms for an extended time and my chest starts to wrack with tears.

He shakes his head angrily. “No.” He stands. “No. I’m not letting you go.”

“You have no choice.” I stand with renewed purpose. “The decision has been made.”

“By you.” he snaps.

I nod. “Yes.”

His eyes ignite with fury. “Why do you think I came back for Emmaline?”

I frown. “Because you couldn’t stay away,” I whisper.

He shakes his head. “No.”

I frown.

“I made a conscious decision to come back.”

I frown.

“I came to the realization. What point is life if you are constantly scared of dying?”

My eyes hold his.

“I don’t care how long you have. I only know that you are the reason I live.”

His bottom lip quivers. “And I will take any time I can have with you. Every day is a gift,” his voice cracks betraying his hurt.

“Alastar, I won’t put you through this.” I shake my head. “This is my choice. Fate has stepped in and handed me that letter. I was supposed to know this. I am supposed to act on this.”

“And what about Ester?” he yells, infuriated.

I frown and step back as my heart free falls from my chest.

“You are supposed to give birth to her. You have been drawing her for eight weeks. The wee child with the ringlets in your notepad is our daughter Ester.” He shakes his head in an outrage. “Why did she come to you if she was never meant to be born?”

I stare at him through my tears. “Ester needs her mother for more life than one. She will return to us next life,” I whisper through the lump in throat.

“What if you break it completely and we remember nothing?” he yells in a panic. “What if I never find you again?”

I screw up my face in pain. This had crossed my mind, too. “Then I will have peace knowing you are not anxious all the time, that you are not suffering and dreading the future.”

“Do not use me as an excuse.”

I stare at him and I kiss him softly on his lips, tasting my own salty tears. “Twinkle, I love you.”

His tortured eyes hold mine. “No, Em. Don’t do this. Please. I beg.” The tears run freely down his face.

I hold his cheeks in my hands as I try to calm him down, even though my heart is completely breaking. “Alastar, listen to me,” I whisper.