Fighting Silence (On the Ropes #1)(74)

Being hungry for more was one thing, but I was so sick of groveling for the scraps life tossed at my feet. And just when I’d thought I had found my one chance to escape the dungeons of reality, my own f*cking body had sabotaged me.

I needed to get out of there. I pushed to my feet and tugged on some clothes, not even bothering with the shower.

I couldn’t let them see how much losing had shredded me. My whole body ached with disappointment; I didn’t need theirs as well. Flint would just try to fix it, Quarry would worry, and Eliza would have to save my ass once again. I was so sick of being a burden on all of them. I was barely a man anymore. I couldn’t even f*ck my own woman without having a goddamn nervous breakdown.

I just needed to leave. But as I caught sight of myself in the mirror, I realized that running would do me absolutely no good. There were no more windows.

“Fuck!” I yelled as I slammed my fist into my reflection. It shattered against my hand, and I wished like hell that I could do the same to life’s vendetta against me.

As predicted, Eliza came rushing in, ready to care for the broken patient who masqueraded as her fiancé.

“Are you okay?” she asked then lifted my hand to inspect my bloodied knuckles.

I snatched it out of her grasp. “Don’t f*cking baby me,” I growled. “I can’t handle it tonight. Just leave me alone.”

“Let’s just talk about it.”

“No. I don’t want an intervention tonight.” I snatched a towel off the ground and wrapped it around my knuckles. “I’m all maxed out on feeling like a bitch tonight without you making it worse.”

“Making it worse?” She tilted her head in confusion.

“Yes, worse. Just let me hang on to my own balls for the evening. I’ll be sure to return them first thing in the morning.”

“Wow. I didn’t know that helping you was the same as taking your balls. But you know what? Now that you mention it, maybe you’re right. I’ll be happy to stop trying to talk you down when you go into one of your full-blown tailspins. Would that stop you from being a broody * all the time?” She threw her hands out to the sides in frustration.

“A broody *, huh?”

“Yep. You’re always either pissed off, angry, or moping.” She flicked her fingers at me as she finished the sign.

“I just got knocked out because I can’t hear. I think I’ve got a right to feel that way.”

“So is that”—she pointed to the broken mirror—“about the fight? Or were you in here wallowing in bitterness and pity?”

I f*cking hated that she knew me so well.

“I have the right to be bitter!” I roared.

“No. You. Don’t!” She punctuated every single silent syllable. “You may not have chosen to lose your hearing, but you chose to be deaf.”

“Excuse me?”

She narrowed her eyes, but it wasn’t in the playful way that usually instigated one of our staring matches. It was actually a little frightening. Her hands started moving rapidly, but her lips didn’t accompany it. My sign language was usually only good enough to give me context clues on what their lips were saying. Without them both, though, I was worthless.

“I have no idea what you’re trying to sign.”

“That’s because you refuse to learn!” she screamed as she signed. Her face turned red from the exertion, but it hit my ears. It was probably only a single note of her voice, but I heard it.

It was both painful and invigorating.

I sucked in a breath, and a real, honest-to-God smile formed on my mouth for the first in months.

“And now you’re smiling. Fantastic.” She threw her hands up in the air and headed for the door.

“I miss your voice. I miss listening to you talk while I figure things out. Hell, I even miss Justin Timberlake right now, because that terrible CD was like the Eliza Reynolds soundtrack. I’d give anything to hear it right now.”

She turned around to face me with tears sparkling in her eyes. “Well, you know what? I just miss you.”

“Doodle, I . . .”

“This is temporary, Till. And it sucks really f*cking bad, but this was a decision you made. I understand why you chose this life, and I support you completely. But I can’t live with this miserable man you’ve become for the next ten years. Give me back my man. I’ll even take the boy if that’s all you have to give. But damn it, I’m struggling too and I really need Till right now.” Her chin quivered and it broke me.

“I’ll do better.” I signed awkwardly, walking toward her. “I’ll do better, I swear.” I looped my arms around her waist and pulled her against my chest. I didn’t know if she spoke any more, but her words played in my head.

She needed me, and I had been too wrapped up in my own shit to realize she was struggling too. It was time to man the f*ck up. I couldn’t do it for myself, but I damn sure could do it for Eliza.





“HOLY SHIT!” TILL JUMPED OFF the couch and was quickly followed by Flint and Quarry.

“Three . . . Four . . .” Flint counted, creeping closer to the TV.

“It’s over! It’s over!” Quarry screamed at the top of his lungs.

“Oh my God.” I covered my mouth.