Fighting Shadows (On the Ropes #2)(60)

Fisting the front of my shirt, she pulled me even closer as she glided her tongue against mine. I shifted her to the edge of the counter until my cock found her denim-covered core.

“You have no f*cking idea how hard I got watching you claim me,” I mumbled into her mouth, rolling my hips against hers.

She leaned away to talk. “If I’m going to try with you, then Eliza—”

I shifted my weight to one side then caught the back of her head, forcing her mouth against mine. Her hands roamed my chest.

“Changed my mind. We’re not trying. We’re doing.”

She smiled and reached down to the button on her jeans. “I won’t argue.”

“No. I’m talking about us. This time yesterday, you were running from me, and not five minutes ago, you were ready to mount me in the middle of the kitchen just so Eliza knew that I was yours.”

“You are mine,” she added defensively.

I smirked. “It’s good to know we agree. Which is exactly why we’re doing instead of trying.”

She gently stroked my cock. “Whatever. I don’t want to talk about this anymore.”

I swayed out of her reach. “Too bad. I gave you last night. Now, you’re talking to me.”

“Oh God.” She started to shift off the counter.

I blocked her. “Hear me out.”

“I don’t want to hear you out! Not about her. I’m sorry. I know she’s your family and all, but part of the reason I left in the first place is because I’ll never be Eliza. Never.”

“You are absolutely right.”

Her mouth gaped open in shock.

“I was a f*cking fool when I told you I was in love with Eliza. And not because it broke us up. I was a fool because it was a load of shit.” Using her chin, I tipped back her head, forcing her gaze to lock with mine. “I was never in love with her—at least, not in the way I thought. But it wasn’t until I fell for you that I realized that.”

She rolled her eyes, but I kept going.

“Ash, I was really f*cked up back then. Even before the accident, I was angry about everything. Life was a struggle. Every single day was an absolute fight. Before my mom left, I would wake up in the middle of the night and clean the house because I was panicked that social services was going to show up. Till moved out when I was twelve. Sure, he came back and took care of us as much as he could, but on a daily basis, I was a seventh-grader raising a seven-year-old. I was terrified I was going to f*ck something up and lose the little stability I actually had. Then, when Eliza entered our lives, she took a lot of that responsibility off my shoulders. She and Till gave me real security for the first time in my entire life. I was desperate to hold on to that feeling no matter what. And somewhere along the way, I confused that desperation with love.” I stopped talking and held her empty stare, begging her to truly hear my confession. I needed her to understand why I had acted the way I had. Maybe then we could start over without the shadows of the past fracturing the possibility of a future.

Finally, after several beats, she shyly admitted, “That’s how you made me feel.”

“Ash—”

“You made me feel safe and secure.” She looked back up, squaring her shoulders and fearlessly meeting my gaze. “You know, you don’t understand my life, either, Flint. I didn’t exactly have it easy. My father used to send me out on the streets to hustle. Sometimes they were nice guys who were clueless as to what the hell I was doing. But sometimes they weren’t. I got caught lifting a wallet once. The guy threw me down, kicked me in the ribs, and then spit on me before he walked away. It wasn’t anything huge. I ended up with a busted lip and a bruised side. It was mainly my self-worth that took the brunt of the attack, but my own father inflicted those wounds. When I got back to the pickup location, he gave me a ten-minute lecture on how I hadn’t brought him back enough money. He couldn’t have cared less that I had been hurt.”

“Son of a bitch,” I cursed. Kissing her forehead, I plotted Ray Mabie’s death all over again.

“That day when you tried to save me from Max meant more to me than you could ever imagine. I think I fell in love with you right then. Not because of who you were, but because of how you made me feel. After that, I opened myself up to you, which made everything you said to me that much harder. I could have dealt with that shit from anyone in the world—anyone but you. I trusted you, and look what it got me.”

“I am so f*cking sorry, Ash. That day was like the perfect storm of triggers for both of us, because when I found out how old you were, I panicked all over again. You were sixteen.”

Her eyes turned angry as she snapped, “I’m only nineteen now.”

“Bullshit. You’re not nineteen any more than I am twenty-two. Ash, you didn’t spend the last three years partying it up. You were hanging out with elderly ladies and cooking lunch at a homeless shelter. We’ve both experienced enough life to last an eternity. I’m really ready to just sit back, relax, and enjoy it.” I dropped my forehead to hers. “Preferably with you.”

It was meant to be a reassuring statement, but it seemed to set her on fire.

She suddenly jumped to her feet, knocking me to the side before I caught my balance. “I don’t know how to be with anyone! It’s been me my whole life, Flint. Just me. Even when I was with my dad, I was still alone.” She began pacing the room. “And now, you show up and not only want me to be with you, but live in your perfect house with your perfectly labeled cabinets. I don’t fit in this life! I can’t be your happy little wife in your happy little home.”