Fighting Shadows (On the Ropes #2)(34)

FOR THE NEXT THREE WEEKS, Ash became part of my daily routine. Every day, she either showed up at my apartment after I got out of class or I would pick her up on my way home.

We hadn’t worked our way up to sex yet. Or really anything below the waist. And it was getting harder and harder—literally. I’d had blue balls more in those weeks than I’d ever experienced in my life. I didn’t press her though. We were having fun—something my life had been seriously lacking for a long time.

I didn’t have the money to take her out on big dates, but she didn’t seem to care that we usually drove around aimlessly or talked and made out on my couch. She just acted like she wanted to be around me. Which, in turn, made me desperate to be around her. She made me laugh, and while I had no idea what I did for her, I was selfish enough that I didn’t care. I just needed her to keep coming back.

She never did stop stealing my wallet, but I started to enjoy trying to catch her in the act. She’d always straddle my lap and kiss me apologetically. This usually ended with me missing my watch or my phone, but I wouldn’t have traded those moments with her for all of my possessions in the world. And that was probably a good thing, because gradually, they all started disappearing anyway. At first, it was random T-shirts and the occasional hoodie, but then she worked her way up to my books. Every day when Ash left, I would notice an empty hole on one of my shelves. I had no idea when she took them or why she didn’t just ask, but I didn’t actually care. By the next day, it was back and a different one was missing.

Until one day, I guessed she found what she was looking for.

Somewhere around the two-week mark, my absolute favorite book, A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius by Dave Eggers, had vanished. I’d checked every day to see if she had returned it, but it hadn’t made its way back to its spot on my shelf.

“You planning to bring my book back?” I asked as we were lying in the grass outside my apartment. It was actually a small patch of weeds between two buildings, but Ash loved to lie there and stare up at the stars, and though transferring myself from the ground back to my wheelchair was difficult and sometimes embarrassing, I quickly learned to love it too.

“What book?” she asked innocently, twiddling her thumbs that were folded over her stomach.

I had known for a while that Ash was odd, but I’d never met a woman who wasn’t a cuddler. Sure, she touched me and kissed me, but she always moved away when she was done. I couldn’t tell if she liked her space or if she just didn’t realize there was another option.

“The one you stole.” I quirked a knowing eyebrow.

Her lips twitched before she looked back up at the stars. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Right,” I said following her gaze.

A few unbelievably comfortable moments of silence passed before I spoke again.

“So, where’s your mom?”

“She killed herself when I was five,” she answered nonchalantly.

“Shit,” I breathed, pulling an arm from under my head to take one of her hands.

“Yeah. I don’t remember her,” she said without elaborating, so I decided to once again change the subject.

“Was Q at your dad’s when you left?”

“No. He went to the gym. Debbie was pissed, but giving a damn is pretty low on Quarry’s list of cares.”

I laughed at her assessment.

“Hey, can I ask you a question?” she asked, pulling her hand away.

“Yeah. Go for it.”

“What’s your problem with Till and Eliza? Quarry told me they basically raised you guys and how you got shot and stuff, but why don’t you talk to them or anything now?”

I let out a loud huff. Of course she would ask that question. The one question I honestly didn’t have an answer to. Well, I did—but it wasn’t one I wanted to explain to her.

“I don’t know. Just some family shit, I guess.”

“Are they, like, total *s?” She pushed up on her elbows and turned to look at me. It was the oddest thing I had ever seen. She appeared downright hopeful.

I tilted my head curiously. “Not at all.”

“Did they, like, hit you and stuff when you were growing up?”

“What? No way!”

“Oh,” she said, deflated, as she reclined again.

“What gave you that idea?”

She sighed. “I don’t know. Q always talks about them. He mentioned that you avoid them at all costs. So I was thinking maybe they were pricks and Quarry just didn’t see it yet.”

“No. Till’s . . .” I started, but the words lodged in my throat. “Great. He’s like a father to me.”

“Is Eliza a bitch? I know you don’t like her very much.”

I barked out a laugh. “What? Why do you think that?”

“I don’t know. You get all weird and cranky when Q mentions her.”

I looked away.

The moments that followed would later become one of my biggest regrets with Ash. No matter how many times I’d try to rationalize my actions that night, they’d never add up. The only thing I’d figured was that Ash always made things lighter for me. Gravity didn’t keep me pinned to my wheelchair when I was with her. She freed me, and back then—when it came to Eliza—I needed that more than anything else.