Fantasy of Fire (The Tainted Accords #3)(6)

“Your hesitations about my king are understandable, but ill-founded. His reasoning is objective and sound. Your judgment of the Tatum, however, is accurate.” I frown and glance up from the fire. He’ll think I’m biased. Supporting my king while tearing down the enemy would be how a loyal subject would reply. How wrong he is.

I search his face. “Maybe, against all odds, you’ll get through this undetected. But one day, whether the population grows too large for the Ire, or someone is sighted soaring, you’ll be discovered. You have the opportunity to garner favor with Glacium and, in time, with Osolis for helping to prevent this war,” I say. “Take control of how you’re discovered. Don’t wait until you’re chased into a corner.”

The words ring inside of me. Adox fades away as I realize the words I’ve uttered exactly describe my predicament with the veil. Will I wait until I’m backed into a corner to reveal who I truly am? Or will I take control? It’s strange, but the thought resounds deep within me in a way it has never done. Suddenly the path I must take is vivid and clear. I have a few seconds of clarity before I remember what I’m in the middle of.

I glance up at Adox, but he’s missed my heart-dropping epiphany. Instead, he’s mulling over my words. It gives me some tiny hope. Perhaps time is all he needed.

“The only flaw in this reasoning is that Osolis would become our temporary enemy until, in your perfect world, they were to recognize our actions as a service,” he says. “There is no way the current ruler will see our interference in a good light. Possibly the Tatuma, from what I am told, but she has little power and is currently in your king’s dungeons.”

I have to work hard so my expression doesn’t betray me. Is that what my mother is telling everyone?

I clear my dry throat. “If some kind of guarantee of the Ire’s future safety can be given from both Osolis and Glacium, will you help?” I breathe. His head tilts to the side, probably wondering if his ears are working properly.

“Such a thing would be impossible,” he says. The slightest uncertainty colors his words.

“But if it were?” I press.

He clasps his hands in front of him as he studies me, searching for a trap. I hold his gaze until my eyes begin to water.

“Then that could change everything,” he says. I beam at him. It’s not a promise, but it’s progress. There’s a muted thud from someone landing behind me. Isha is back.

“But,” Adox’s voice rises. “Until I have that very doubtful assurance, I will stick to my original answer. I will not risk my people’s lives. Not even to save one Bruma or Solati. My decision might make me immoral, it might even prove to be wrong, but I believe this decision is best for the Ire.”

“It is your decision to make,” I say. “And your choice to change it.”

His eyes narrow, but he hangs on to his composure. “I’ve decided to let you leave the Ire again. Mainly because I doubt that we could actually hold you here. Last time we tried, you dealt with my largest men … efficiently. I ask that you leave by early morning so you’re not sighted.”

My mouth dries. Only one night to make my own decision.

He stops in front of me and searches my face with weary brown eyes. “I know nothing can stop you from choosing to reveal our home to your king. I would kill you, but I fear this could start something the Ire could not finish. So I beg you not to disclose our whereabouts to anyone.”

I hold his gaze and nod, before turning back to the fire for some warmth. After a minute, someone sits beside me. I look up into green eyes.

The person landing was not Isha.

I study the handsome face next to me, again feeling that curious mix of attraction and regret. Regret, because I constantly feel like I’m hurting Hamish’s feelings. But the rest is harder to explain. Hamish wasn’t right for me. Once he might have been, but I wasn’t the same girl as before. Like Kedrick, there’s an openness and an innocence to Hamish, which I know will always prevent me from fully depending on him. I need someone who understands me. And more than that, I want someone who can handle my past and my future. Perhaps Hamish could do the first, but he’s proven on many occasions he might not be able to do the second. As attractive as he is, testing my feelings for him isn’t worth the gamble.

I’d also be fooling myself if I didn’t recognize that any eagerness to explore my feelings for Hamish would really be stemming from my need to forget Jovan.

The green eyes darken. “Really?” Hamish asks as I remain silent. “Nothing?”

I close my eyes and tilt my head back.

“Last I saw you, you were running off to save a friend.”

“Technically I didn’t run off,” I mutter. “I flew.” Hamish doesn’t appreciate the joke.

“And then we don’t hear from you for weeks! You never came back! For all we knew, you might have died out there!”

It did sound awful when he put like that. I had a terrible habit of forgetting my friends. A consequence of never having any friends and only needing to worry about myself. A scar.

“I’m sorry Hamish.” I turn to look at his hopeful face. It does affect me, but it doesn’t compare to how Jovan affects me—affected me.

“And then you come back here and make Adox angrier than I’ve ever seen him. What did you do?”