Fangs and Fennel (The Venom Trilogy #2)(50)

I smiled. “Not what it looks like from here, like you’re all backed up.”

“Potty humor, really?”

I shrugged, still fighting a grin. “I have a brother and a father. I know what constipation on a man looks like.”

“Look, are you going to be serious here? I have an idea,” he said.

I stared at the cupcakes as I ran my tongue over the roof of my mouth. “I think I have one too. You first.”

Ernie sat on the counter. “You have someone who knows the law inside and out, and he likes you.”

I shook my head. “Remo? The session is in the afternoon. Not as late as my first one. He won’t be awake yet.” I spooned the batter into cupcake molds, making sure to get the perfect amount.

“I mean Hephaestus. You said he is Smithy, right? So he knows the law, and he’s smart. And mean when he wants to be. You need someone downright mean on your side, someone who can stand up to Merlin.”

I slid the pan of cupcakes into the oven and started on the next one. “But I wouldn’t need him if Merlin didn’t show up, right?”

Ernie flew around so we were eye to eye. “What are you thinking?”

I batted my eyelashes at him. “What if I took Merlin a peace offering that happened to have a little venom in it? Just enough to make him sick? Too sick for court. I mean, it could be an accident, right? Will my venom work that way?”

Ernie’s jaw opened and closed several times. “Damn, that is . . .”

“Brilliant?” I offered.

“I was going to say wicked badass, but brilliant will do. And yes, we can make your venom work that way.” He chuckled. “You won’t need much at all. Put a drop into a cup, and then we can dilute it down with some kind of liquor.”

My theory was good, but making it happen was a little more difficult. I tried to pry one of my overlong fangs forward, but it stayed clamped to the roof of my mouth. I blew out a raspberry of frustration.

“Sure, they drop when I don’t want them to, but when I do want them around, they’re cemented to me,” I grumbled.

Ernie pursed his lips a moment before speaking. “What makes them drop?”

“Anger. Frustration.” Remo, something about Remo softened them up. Just his name floating through my mind loosened the hold my fangs seemed to have. I reached up and pulled one forward. A single drop of venom plopped into the glass cup I had under my mouth.

I let my fang go, and it snapped back into place.

“What did you think of? You weren’t angry.” Ernie had a smirk on his face. Like he already knew the answer. Maybe he did; he was the Greek version of Cupid.

“None of your beeswax.”

“Remo, huh? Or maybe Smithy now too?”

I whipped around, a wooden spoon in my hand. “Neither. I’m a married woman. I don’t think about things like that about other men, like that, you know that.”

The jumble of words was a mess of a defense.

“Hey, don’t be pointing weapons at me!” Ernie lifted both hands high above his head while he laughed.

“Stop it.”

“You’re deadly no matter what you’ve got in your hands.” He smiled. “I wonder how you’d do with an actual weapon instead of kitchen utensils if you got in a fight.”

I stared down at the drop of venom in the bottom of the glass. “If I dilute this with ouzo, you think that would work?” I reached above the sink and flipped the cupboard open. A variety of liqueurs and alcohol stared back at me. Ernie fluttered close.

“I thought you didn’t drink.”

“I don’t drink. They’re used in baking.”

“And the ouzo, why that one?”

I grabbed the bottle labeled as such and uncorked the Greek liquor. The faint licorice scent rolled up to my nose, and I immediately pulled back. “Seems fitting with everything that’s happened lately.”

I filled the glass with the drop of venom to the top with the ouzo. I gave it a quick stir with a spoon and then stopped. “With my venom this diluted, will it do anything at all?”

Ernie grimaced. “It won’t kill him, I know that much. As powerful as your venom is, you still would need a straight shot into his body with your fangs to pump enough in to kill him.”

I tapped the glass with the spoon. “But will this make him sick enough to not go into the courthouse?”

“Should. But I’m not taste testing for you.”

Pulling out cream cheese and icing sugar, I began to make the frosting. Butter, a splash of vanilla. And a quarter teaspoon of the ouzo mixture, just enough for a faint smell of licorice and fennel to fill the air.

Ernie stared down into the mixer as it whipped the concoction up. The timer dinged, I took the cupcakes out, and Ernie grabbed one and flew to the other side of the room. “I want one before you cover it with your nasty spit.”

I snorted. “I’m making a second batch of icing. I have to take these for dinner to my parents.”

“Groovy.” He rubbed his hands together with glee. “I missed out on your muffins, so I have lost time to make up with your other baked goods.”

As the cupcakes cooled, I set the first batch of frosting aside and started on the second. Then I threw some pecans, sugar, and butter into a pan, caramelizing them. I poured the nuts onto a piece of parchment paper to cool.