Family Sins(89)

When the family came out of the church, Leigh didn’t get into a car but stayed and let them come to her. Because they were burying Stanton on family ground, most of the attendees would not be at the cemetery, so they swarmed around her, all sincere in their sorrow, too many people all saying the same thing: “We’re so sorry for your loss.”

As the widow, Leigh bore the brunt of so many kindhearted people not knowing when to stop talking, and accepted it with grace. Last night, during a heart-to-heart talk with God, it had finally hit her that she had to let go of the way Stanton had been taken from her. He was just as dead as if he’d died in a wreck or from a lingering disease. Other women bore the same loss, and with just as much grief. She wasn’t unique. She wasn’t special. Her loss wasn’t worse. She had to let go of the rage, because it was not her cross to bear.

Stanton’s sons, with Jesse among them, stood in their mother’s shadow, never very far away should the need to step in arise, tending to their own families while making sure she didn’t need to be rescued.

After a while Bowie had moved through the crowd, whispered in his mother’s ear and then led her away.

Now the hearse was on the way to the Youngblood property, where the body would be laid to rest. It was a silent trip on a narrow winding road, with only family and a few close friends as escorts.

Talia had a horrible sense of déjà vu. She’d been in this same car only a few days before, and here she was again, right behind the hearse.

Leigh had Jesse at her side. What none of them had expected was Jesse’s grasp of death. Despite all the things the war had taken away from him, Jesse still remembered his friends dying and was sad again for them as well as for his father.

It was close to noon by the time they arrived at the Youngblood home. At Leigh’s request, they got out at the back of the house. Bowie took Jesse and, together, they began directing people where to park.

Leigh went straight to the porch swing and sat down. It would take a while for everyone to get there, and then for the pallbearers to gather. The day was sweltering. Sweat was already beading on her upper lip as she leaned back and closed her eyes.

Talia was far more mobile now than she’d been on her arrival at the house, and she slipped past Leigh to go inside. Two of Leigh’s friends from church were in the kitchen. They had volunteered to stay at the house and accept the food that people kept bringing, and now they were busy heating up casseroles, and slicing cakes and pies. One long table out on the front porch held nothing but desserts. The entrees were inside, laid out on every table and surface imaginable. It was how sadness was marked in small communities. Feeding the grieving was a way of expressing condolences, and today was no exception.

“Could I have a cup of something cold for Leigh to drink?” Talia asked.

“I’ll get some lemonade,” one of the ladies said, and quickly returned with some in a paper cup.

“Thank you,” Talia said, and went back outside.

She sat down in the swing beside Leigh, and when Leigh opened her eyes, Talia handed her the cup.

Leigh took it and drank thirstily.

“That was so good,” she told Talia. “Thank you for thinking of me.”

“None of us can think of anything else,” Talia said. “My heart hurts for you.”

Leigh slipped her hand beneath Talia’s elbow, then set the swing in motion.

“I don’t remember a thing that the preacher said. Was it a good sermon?” Leigh asked.

“It was perfect,” Talia said.

Leigh nodded, but her gaze was focused on the Pharaoh brothers’ rig parked out by the cemetery. When all was said and done, they’d had to cover the casket. She’d already seen Stanton’s body dressed in his finest clothes inside it. She didn’t want to have to watch them cover him with six feet of West Virginia dirt, but life wasn’t about what you wanted; it was about what had to be done.

She reached over and clasped Talia’s hand.

“I am so terribly sorry for the pain and suffering you’ve endured, but very grateful that you were here with me these past few days. I know it must be especially difficult for you, since you just buried your father.”

“My father’s passing was a gift,” Talia said. “I grieved his loss years ago and wouldn’t wish him back the way he was for even a single second.”

Leigh nodded in understanding.

“You know, honey, I always wanted a daughter, and yet every time there was a new baby, it would turn out to be another little boy. Finally I settled with God and told Him, Thy will be done. Five boys turned out to be perfect. They grew up just fine and have since given me the daughters I always wanted.”

Talia held those words close in her heart.

“Thank you for that. It’s been a long time since I had a mother, so I’m grateful for your presence in my life.”

Leigh leaned over and kissed Talia’s cheek, then watched the growing number of cars driving into the yard, and saw Bowie directing them to park in rows. It wouldn’t be long now.

“Bowie was my firstborn, as you know. Mothers aren’t supposed to have favorites, and I don’t, but he’s so much like Stanton, except for that black hair, which he gets from me. If I squinted my eyes just right, I could believe it was the father and not the son I’m seeing.”

“We’ll come home far more often than he did before,” Talia said. “I promise.”