Exaltation (Insight #11)(6)
Emery could still remember how she felt when she read the file. It was euphoric. The air around her hummed. She often believed in signs and thought for sure this one came at her most desperate hour, the way all true miracles seem to do.
She made a last minute decision, one which told her she did not want to be attached to Duncan for the rest of her life. The surrogate was given a part of her and part of a mystery man. Even though she slept at ease the night the decision was made, she feared karma would catch up to her one day and something would take the child she had dreamed of away from her. So she prayed endlessly through every day that no complications would arise.
Months later she discovered she was beyond blessed. The surrogate was carrying twins. Her one shot at a small family had given her more than she could have ever hoped for.
Emery had strived in her life without rest, hoping one of her dreams would be birthed, all the while knowing life would not allow them both to stand comfortably side-by-side. Her twins were now three months old. She knew she was stubborn enough and clever enough to find a way to bring her new family with her on her adventures, and even imagined Thelma Ray visiting and playing with them across every continent.
She told herself her girls would have a broad education—they would see the world others only dreamed of.
Glancing at Thelma Ray reminded her of what she would be taking from them, the childhood she had, the simplicity that only comes once in a lifetime.
Right now she wanted to consult Thelma Ray’s cards. She wanted to know if she was holding back from this grant because, once again this would strap her to Duncan, or if she truly wanted to give simplicity to her girls.
The question was simple: a family with Duncan rich with education and culture? Or a life here, alone with her girls, along with the coven—which was not blood but she considered them to be.
Thelma Ray had a small TV tray before her. She was humming along with the hymn in her mind when she glanced up at Emery. Every day she told Emery that though she exhausted herself to embrace every part of every day, she had yet to live.
Emery carried a classic beauty Thelma had often admired, one which turned several heads—not that Emery would even bother to notice. Thelma Ray adored Emery’s independence but feared she would never let anyone inside. She had been that way since she lost her parents ten years before; she was seventeen then, just a child. Her daughters had awakened a different part of Emery, but Thelma Ray knew there was more to be seen.
Slowly Thelma dealt the cards, halting her humming as she read what was before her.
“What question did you just ask, child?” She tried to keep her voice calm and level but could not hide the tremble.
Emery had lost focus as Thelma Ray had dealt. Not good at all. At the very least she was disrespecting the magic at play. She couldn’t help it. She could hear the sports channel blaring in the den. She knew Duncan was sitting there with a beer in his hand, and she had let the thought linger that her daughters deserved more than his all-knowing condescending thoughts, which he managed to make sound like honey.
Duncan saw her beliefs as myths, found her to be delightfully cute, and was eager to show her all the ways she was wrong. She had no idea why she had not drawn the line yet.
The surrogate had long ago moved on with her life. There was no need to play a role for her anymore. So she didn’t understand why the universe granted her this opportunity, only to put him as an underlying clause. Your karma, she thought with a curse.
Duncan wasn’t fond of the children. He acted as if he barely noticed them, only mentioning them when he stated how grateful she should be that she had someone like him to take care of her.
As far as she was concerned, Duncan was far too easy to forget when he spent weeks on end traveling to conferences.
When he came home from his last conference she planned to tell him the girls were not his, hoping the revelation would finally push him away. That was two weeks ago. He mentioned the grant before she could get her well-rehearsed speech out.
“Can you deal again? Sorry.”
Thelma Ray let a moan rise from her throat. Her heart was thundering and her palms were sweating. She could swear spirits, more than usual, were in the air. Emery’s parents were there.
“No ma’am.”
Emery’s eyes grew wide. “What are you looking at?”
“A decision has already been made for you.”
Emery swallowed nervously, feeling her skin prickle with awareness. The sensation she had always thought she would feel one day.
“I don’t love him,” she pleaded silently to the energy she felt around her.
Her parents, when alive, were extremely old fashioned. Family came first and foremost. They believed the foundation must be solid. Which left Emery feeling guilty and blissful about the decisions she made to have a family.
She was able to make sure her girls had a part of her within them, which was important to her because she was an only child and felt shameful that her parent’s bloodline would die with her. She felt guilty she had never found someone who would love her and allow her to keep her independence at the same time. She feared right now that the spirits were telling her to stand by Duncan, that in order to have a family she needed him. Basically, a you asked for it, now deal with it kind of scenario.
“If you did, we’d be having issues right ‘bout now.”
“What do you see?” Emery asked again.
Thelma had dropped her gaze from her cards and her eyes were closed. She reached for Emery’s hands. Once she felt them gripped in the thick flesh of her own, a jolt of energy bolted through her, and she wasn’t quite sure if she should be excited for her little Emery or terrified.