Exaltation (Insight #11)(35)

“What?” she whispered.

“You love me?” Jamison asked, as his blue eyes shifted to a shade of molten gray.

He’d never asked her directly. He’d heard her whisper it in a fit of passion but it wasn’t something either of them said in passing.

Emery felt her eyes water. She had loved him since she was seventeen. She’d struggled with the idea then, and even more so now. Wasn’t sure if it was his power, his status, his faultless body, those chiseled angelic features, or if it was his soul.

The only soul she had ever spoken to about any of her feelings for him with was Thelma Ray, and all she said was ‘child, when you love a man you love it all, the good, the bad, the ugly, his blessings and his demons.’

Emery sucked in a deep breath. “I always have.”

She watched for his response, prepared to judge it. She judged everything about him, always looking for doubt. She hated herself for doing it but she did. She couldn’t read his expression; it was placid, almost cold.

“And you love our girls?” Jamison said in the same tone.

“How is that a question?” Emery said, blushing with anger.

“How is it a question? How is it not? You love me, you love them, but you keep this family divided.”

“I keep it in balance,” Emery snapped back.

“You call this balance?”

“What has gotten into you?” Emery retorted, with a furrow of her brow.

“I want to know why. Why are we still doing this?”

“The girls need you.”

“The girls. Not you,” Jamison said as his stare shifted over her.

“Stop twisting my words.”

“Why, Emery? Explain this to me. I don’t want to hear the same excuses you’ve given before. The girls are young women, and most of the coven is very aware of what they are destined to become.”

Emery jerked her glance away and balled her fist. “It’s still for the girls. Now more than ever.”

Jamison let out a curse as he leaned forward on his knees and hung his head. “You’re impossible.”

“Me?” Emery said, gaining her nerve. “I’m a teacher. I’m a mother of twins, who apparently are fated for more than I would want. I’m simple. You, you’re not.”

Jamison glanced up, surprised he had gotten so much out of her, that many words, that much emotion.

“It’s for the girls,” Emery said again. “Raven’s mother is a deity, something you were before you became a witch. She needs uninterrupted time with you. You have to help her focus on what’s coming, explain her heritage to her.”

“Raven’s mother was a host,” Jamison said evenly, without emotion.

Emery pounded her hands on the counter. “You see what I mean? How can you say that—she gave you a child?”

“I was there, Emery.”

Emery threw her hands in the air before she began her rant. “You told me all about it, Jamison, I listened. I listen to everything you say. You said the woman blinded you with lust, said she was told by the Creator to make you a father, and she did.”

Jamison just stared.

“What’s going to stop her from coming back? What happens when she does? Will lust steal you once more?”

Jamison clenched his jaw. He’d answered this before, too. There was no more Raine. She was gone. He had even looked for her to prove to Emery there was nothing between them. Gone.

“Fine,” Emery said, reading the answer on his face. “What about the next one? You said the lust between Escorts—the fever—is impossible to fight. What if some other Escort floats on down here and decides to have a good time with you?”

“How can you accuse and convict me of a crime I have not and will not commit?”

Emery shook her head. “I’m protecting myself.”

“And you’re hurting our girls by doing so.” He slowly searched her eyes. “You’re hurting me.”

Emery rocked back as if his words had slapped her.

“River,” Jamison said. “Why didn’t you tell me how upset she was?”

Emery glanced away.

“She’s mine. You can argue with me all you want about how she became mine. How it was supposed to be anonymous, but that argument became superficial the moment I told you I was the father and you still kept me in their lives. I could have protected them as they grew up without them knowing who I was. I told you that. I gave you that choice. It was the hardest decision I have ever made, but I gave you that choice.”

Emery looked deep in his eyes as hers welled. A statement like that coming from Jamison meant something. She only knew of a fraction of the choices he’d made that lead him to where he was today, and none of them were easy. They couldn’t be. Too many people depended on him. Too many fates were at play.

“She’s seeking her father because she wants to understand her gifts,” Emery said with a tremble in her voice.

“That’s not the only reason,” Jamison said quietly.

“It’s the reason she gave me.”

“It’s the one you wanted to hear,” Jamison lifted his chin. “They already see us as a family, Emery. I don’t want to hide this from them anymore. The last thing we need is for them to get upset and pull away from us right when their battles are to begin—when they need us the most.”