Everlasting (The Immortals #6)(54)

Only then wil we be free to move on.

Only then wil we get our true happily ever after. Otherwise, I’ve no doubt another glaring obstacle wil just find a way to present itself, and on it wil go, for evermore.

I take a deep breath, but find I don’t real y need it. It’s like I can feel that purple glow radiating inside me once again. I’ve never felt more sure of myself.

“There is something else I’d rather have.” My eyes meet Lotus’s, the two of us holding the look for what feels like a very long time. “I want to fulfil my destiny. I want to complete my journey,” I say, my voice solid, steady, more certain than ever. “I want to complete the task I was born to do.”

I can hear Damen beside me, his sudden intake of breath, and I know without looking that it’s partly due to my words, and partly due to the fact that the ingredients have now disappeared.

But I don’t look. For the moment anyway, my gaze stays on Lotus. Seeing her standing before me, granting me a curt nod along with a slowly curving smile when she says, “As you wish.”





chapter twenty-seven


Long after Lotus has left we remain quiet. Damen lost in thoughts of outrage and blame, while I prepare for the moment when I’l have to explain. The silence broken when he looks at me and says, “Ever, how could you?” Four simple words that cut to the bone, but then, they were meant to. He shakes his head, squints, tries to make sense of it.

“How could you do that?” he adds. “How could you just throw it al away? Seriously. You’re going to have to explain it to me because it just doesn’t make any sense. Al this time, you’ve been blaming yourself for our inability to be together. Al this time you’ve been blaming yourself for Roman’s tricking you. Even after I explained, even after I told you that by making me drink you actual y ended up saving my life and sparing my soul from getting trapped in the Shadowland, you were stil convinced you were at fault, to the point where your sole focus was reserved for obtaining the antidote. So desperate to get your hands on it you were wil ing to delve into things that put you at great risk. And now, now that you final y succeed in getting the one thing you’ve been searching for al of this time—you choose to throw it al away so you can go on some crazy old lady’s journey to look for some tree that, I’m sorry to say, does not exist!” He looks at me, hands flexing by his sides, gaze fil ed with al the words he held back.

“And so, what I need from you now, what I need from you more than anything, is to answer the why. Why would you do that? What could you possibly have been thinking?”

I stare at my feet, al owing his words to flow through me, to loop around in my brain, to repeat over and over again, but even though I heard the question, even though I know he waits for an answer, I’m stil stuck on the phrase: Some tree. He cal ed it some tree.

He questioned its very existence.

And I’m amazed he can’t see it. Amazed he can’t understand that it’s the tree, not the antidote that offers real and lasting salvation.

That it’s the only way to reverse our physical immortality.

The tree is our one and only chance to change everything.

But then, maybe he does understand.

Maybe he understands al too wel .

And maybe that’s why he’s so dead set against it.

“You’re right.” I lift my gaze to find his. “This whole time I have felt responsible. I have been beating myself up with the guilt. I have been so consumed with remorse that I dabbled in magick I had no business dabbling in. I even tried to make deals with people I should’ve stayed away from. I was so fil ed with self-loathing and blame, I was so desperate to reverse what I’d done, that I was wil ing to take whatever risk necessary in order to make it up to you—to make it up to us. I was wil ing to do whatever was needed to ensure that we could be together in the way that we want, until my whole world revolved around getting my hands on the antidote—

at the expense of everything else. But now I know just how wrong and misguided that was. Now I know that instead of focusing solely on getting the antidote, I should’ve been focused on sparing our souls.”

He swal ows, squirms, hears the truth of my words, I can see it in the flash in his eyes, but it’s gone in an instant. His resolve hardening until he’s more unwil ing than ever to see my side, which only convinces me to continue.

“Damen, please hear me out. I know that on the surface at least, my decision probably looks pretty crazy, but it goes so much deeper than that. It’s like

—I final y get it. I final y real y and truly get it. If it weren’t Roman insisting on keeping us apart, it would’ve been something else. The reason we can’t be together is because the universe won’t al ow it. Our karma won’t al ow it. Or at least not until we do what it takes to right this huge glaring wrong that you’ve made. Not until we change the course of our lives—the course of our souls—by returning them to the way they were always meant to be. You said so yourself, way back before we even started this journey, you freely admitted that what we are isn’t journey, you freely admitted that what we are isn’t natural or right. That we aren’t living the lives that nature intended—that we’ve wrongly chosen physical immortality over the immortality of the soul. Those are your words, Damen, not mine. You also freely admitted that it’s cost us both dearly, that it’s the reason we keep facing al of these insurmountable obstacles, the reason why we’re thwarted at every turn in a way we can’t seem to overcome. You said it’s why Jude keeps showing up and getting in the way of our happiness. That without his even realizing it, he’s playing out his own destiny of trying to keep us from reliving the mistakes of our past.” I look at him, determined to make him see it, determined to break through to him, my voice gaining in pitch until it’s practical y squeaking. “Don’t you see what a huge opportunity this is? It’s a very real chance for us to truly be together forever in the way we were intended. It’s a chance for me to final y seize the destiny I was born for. The same destiny I’ve been cal ed on for several lives now, and I’m final y ready and wil ing to embrace it. I just hope you’l find a way to embrace it along with me.”