Envious Moon(33)

I looked over at him. “You going to help me or not?”

“Aren’t they keeping track of you or something? They’ll find you in two minutes.”

I showed Victor my ankle then. “I’ll just cut it off. By the time they get here, I’ll be gone.”

“You’ve lost it.”

“I have to do this.”

“What am I supposed to tell them? That I give you my car?”

“Nah,” I said. “When they find out, tell them I just took it. That I knew where you kept your keys. You had no idea.”

Victor didn’t respond to this right away. We both drank again from our beer and we looked to the street and where the streetlights cast their yellow light. The air already smelled a little of fall. I finished my cigarette and I knew I didn’t have to say anything else, that Victor was going to give me the car, because he was my brother and I had told him what I needed to do. I was going to find her and he was not going to get in the way.





Victor did two things for me the following night. First, he left his old Chevy sedan in front of my house. And second, on the front bench seat, was a map of New England and on it he had drawn in red a line from Galilee, Rhode Island to Lincoln, Connecticut. He had done exactly what I asked him to do. Gone to the library and found out where her school, Miss Watson’s, was. And brought me the directions to find it.

I waited until midnight, smoking in my bedroom window. My oilskin bag was already packed, as it had been when I left for the island. I had no idea how long it would take the police to respond when I cut the bracelet. There would not be many cars on the road this time of night and that was a risk. Though I thought it would be easier to go in the dark. I thought they would take longer to get here. Besides, they didn’t have any reason to think I’d be in a car. They’d probably check my skiff first, and by that time, I might have already crossed state lines.

Before I left, I stopped for a moment in front of Berta’s room. The door was slightly ajar and I could see her on the bed. She often slept like she was in a coffin, on her back, her short arms crossed on her chest. She was like this tonight and I stood in silence and watched the slow rise and fall of her breath. This was going to hurt her, my doing this, and I knew that in no time at all a pounding on the door would awaken her. Then the house would be full of state police. It broke my heart to do this to her, but I no longer felt like I had a choice.



I made my way down the stairs and then to the front door. I walked out and into the night. In the front yard, I stopped and looked up through the trees to the sky. It was overcast and there was no starlight or moonlight, just a low black ceiling. I put my bag on the ground and unzipped it and took out my fishing knife. I got down on one knee and I put the blade under the bracelet. The knife was sharp and it took one quick tug and it was off. I stood and tossed it over my shoulder and ran for the car.

I put my bag on the seat and turned the ignition and it started right up and I drove off through the still neighborhood. There was a shortcut that would take me on back roads out toward Route 1 and I took this, wanting to stay away from the harbor and the obvious routes.

I drove past the small darkened houses, many of them with skiffs in the driveways, fishing equipment on the lawns. I drove quickly but not too quickly and soon I reached the state highway and I turned onto it and I was the only car. I drove north, away from the coast. I kept looking in my rearview mirror but there was nothing. Then, from in front of me, I saw them coming at me, two state troopers, lights flashing. They passed by me, heading toward Galilee, and I breathed in deep when we passed, looking back to see if they were turning around, but they did not.

Soon I reached Route 1 and there were other cars out here and I relaxed a little bit. I stayed around the speed limit. Victor’s car was a hunk of junk, but it had a valid inspection sticker and everything essential worked. There was a good deal of rust around the wheels and the upholstery on the backseat was all torn up. But it drove okay as long as you didn’t try to go too fast. Then the wheel shook underneath your fingers and it felt like it was tough to control.

My goal that night was to get out of Rhode Island. It sounds funny to say it now, but I had never been out of Rhode Island before. Unless you count on a boat, in which case I had almost been to Greenland.

I reached Providence an hour later and cars were whizzing by me on either side now. Victor’s radio didn’t work so the only sound was the highway, the engine, the other cars. I felt my mood brightening in a way it had not since I had last seen Hannah. I was moving again and there was something freeing about taking action, being in control of things. I had the car and the road and I could make my own decisions. And I was coming to find Hannah. This was the most important thing of all.





At two in the morning, I crossed into Connecticut on Route 6. First there was a sign that said leaving Rhode Island and then another welcoming me to Connecticut. I went through the center of a few small towns, deserted at this time of night, and then into a pine forest. I had the window down as I smoked and the air was silent and still and cool. The sky had cleared as I moved inland and a half-moon showed between drifting clouds above. I was the only car on the road and for a moment I thought about killing my headlights, rolling down the other windows, and becoming as much a part of the night as I could.

I slept in a small state park, driving the car down a narrow tree-lined road to a parking area that looked abandoned. I put the car in the far corner under the cover of large pines. With the dark car and the shadows it would have been hard to see unless you shined a headlight right on it. Now that I was no longer driving, I was bone-tired. I laid my bedroll out on the backseat of the car and used the rest of my bag as a pillow. I kicked off my boots and tried to get comfortable. The space was too small for my limbs but for the first time in a while, I had no trouble sleeping. I don’t even remember slipping under. One moment I was looking through the back window at the trees and the sky and the next thing I knew bright sunlight rained down on me. It was a dreamless night and that was how tired I was. The day came before I knew it.