Envious Moon(24)

“Hey,” I said.

“What are you doing here?”

“I came to visit.”

She looked around. “I’m working.”

“I needed to see you,” I said.

Having gotten their change and their cones, the family made for the exit. The two plain-faced girls folded their arms over their chests and I knew they were studying me but I was ignoring them. I looked at Hannah, who seemed tight to me. One of the girls said, “Hannah, you going to introduce us to your friend?”

I gazed at the one who spoke. She smiled at me and pulled on one of her bangs over and over. “I have to go,” Hannah said.

“You don’t look busy.”

She lowered her voice. “I have to go. I’ll see you later, okay?”

I nodded. “You’re embarrassed of me,” I said.

“No,” she whispered, shaking her head. “I just have to work.”

“You are,” I said. “Don’t worry, I won’t let them hear. But you’re embarrassed of me.”

She reached for my hand then, but I wasn’t having it. “No, Anthony,” she said.

Behind me the screen door opened and I turned to see several boys, twelve or thirteen years old, muscling their way into the store. The small space filled with their energy.

“Maybe I’ll see you later,” I said. “Maybe not.”

I spun and walked out the door. I didn’t pause to see if Hannah had followed me.





I did not go to the house that night. On the beach I leaned against the rock promontory and I watched the day turn into night. My anger left with the sun. Now I was just sad. I had shown her too much and too soon. I wondered if she would find me and I hoped that she would. I couldn’t stand it if she didn’t. I had revealed myself to her, and she needed to come to me.

Above me the last light bled from the sky. The tide rolled in. I smoked and I listened to it. And then Hannah came out of the shadows and stood over me where I sat and I didn’t look at her. My heart lifted but I didn’t want her to see this so I watched the tide.

“I’m sorry,” Hannah said.

“Sit down.”

She sat next to me and crossed her legs Indian-style. “I’m not embarrassed of you,” she said.

“No?”

“No. I’m not.”

“Could of fooled me,” I said.

“Those girls aren’t my friends.”

“I don’t care.”

“It’s a small town. I don’t like people knowing what I’m doing.”

“I shouldn’t have just shown up,” I said.

“I’m sorry,” she said again.

“It’s okay,” I said, and it was. I was just happy Hannah had come to find me. For the first time, I wasn’t chasing her anymore.

“Come here,” I said, and she inched closer to me on the sand. I put my arm around her and she moved into me and we kissed. We kissed for a while and then we stopped. The dark came completely and we sat next to each other and when we started kissing again, we didn’t stop. She rolled on top of me and on the bedroll her long hair swung in front of my face.

“We can if you want,” she said.

“Okay.”

“Do you have anything?”

“No.”

“Don’t come inside me.”

I had no idea what I was doing and when she first moved on top of me I mistook the expression on her face for pain. But then she smiled at me and I knew it was going to be fine.

“Wait for me,” Hannah said, and I didn’t know what this meant. I held her shoulders in my hands and she slid on top of me and when I pushed her away, she rolled back like a wave.

“Like that,” she said.

The night was black but I could see well enough to know when she closed her eyes. I thought that I should too but the truth was that I wanted to watch her face. It seemed as if every line on her skin, every tiny perfect freckle was there for me, because of me. I was suddenly aware of everything: the steady ebbing of the tide as it moved closer. The beach. The two of us, where we were joined. I tightened my hands on her shoulders, pressing down. She murmured yes and I gave in and shut my eyes and there was only Hannah, the softness of her skin underneath my palms.

After, when she had fallen into me and then rolled away, I wrapped my arms around her bare belly and I said, “I’m sorry.”

“For what?”

“I can do better.”

“It was perfect.”

She spun into me then and rested her head on my chest. We looked up at the new stars. I ran my hands through her hair. I felt like talking. I said, “I always want it to be like this.”

“Like what?”

“You in my arms.”

“You’re sweet.”

“I’m in love.”

She laughed at me. “Silly. It takes a long time to be in love.”

“No, it doesn’t.”

“How do you know?”

“I do.”

“Love at first sight?”

“Yeah,” I said, and I didn’t care if she knew it.

“Only in the movies,” she said.

“No,” I said. “Here. Now.”