Enflame (Insight #6)(25)

My goal was to undo it, turn this loss into a gain. I didn’t want anyone beyond me and Landen to see Dane the way I saw him last night, and if Clarissa was in the same condition, that would only add salt to the open wound. Brady, Marc, and the others would go insane with rage.

I twirled my ring, wondering if I could somehow go back. Save them. Stop that bus.

No matter how much I focused on that thought, I could not open the door the looking glass was supposed to give me. That was beyond frustrating.

As my wandering thoughts drifted, I stretched out my senses. Hope piqued in me when I felt someone familiar: Nana. I carefully maneuvered my way out of Landen’s relaxed arms.

I was careful not to open the door all the way. I could see daylight beneath the frame. I didn’t want it to wake Landen. He still needed his rest.

I followed Nana’s emotion to the right, then further down the hall. The home opened into a humble kitchen. Nana and Saige were seated at a square cedar table.

“Why didn’t you wake me?” I said to Saige, interrupting their quiet conversation.

“You were asleep, and Guardian’s energy would not let me touch you.”

At first what she said didn’t register, then I realized she was referring to Landen. I knew that was his name in his first life, but I didn’t know that was the name by which she called him.

“What time is it?” I asked, noticing that the light seeping in from the windows looked weak, as if the day had aged.

“Time for you to take a shower and get something to eat,” Nana said, standing. I went to protest, but she went on. “Every time I see you and Charlie, I have to make you eat. It’s a shame, really. I’m too old to follow you through this universe. Respect your body, and it will protect you.”

Saige grinned sheepishly, clearly enjoying how at ease Nana was with me.

“Where is Evan?”

“At the movie set with his friend. Shower,” she said, handing me a small duffel bag that must have been sitting at her feet.

“Top of the stairs,” Saige added.

I gripped the bag and turned to follow the orders I was given, silently cursing them under my breath.

The floor in the old house creaked as I made my way to the stairs. As I climbed them, I felt odd breezes of cool air. I halted and looked all around me. I knew the energy was ghostly, but it was harmless. At least for now.

I wasn’t in the mood for a long, steaming shower, so I found myself rushing through the common bathroom task. More than once, I caught myself holding my breath when my thoughts would chase my dread. I was afraid to feel anything, to let my emotions hurt the city around me. I was going to have to find a place where I could think and feel in peace. The paranoia was suffocating my soul. That couldn’t be good.

Before I found Nana once again, I peeked in on Landen to find him resting calmly. I sighed before I went to the kitchen.

Nana was setting a large bowl of soup on the table next to the toasted sandwich that was already there.

“I think I need to go get my father. I want to make sure Landen is okay,” I announced into the room.

Saige was at the antique stove, stirring a large pot. “You need to learn to break your ties and merge with Guardian. He’s fine. He will rise with dusk, and that is best. The light will hurt his eyes for at least another day.”

“I have no reason to trust you,” I rebutted.

“You have no reason not to trust me either,” she threw back at me.

Nana cleared her throat, nonchalantly calling an end to our bickering. Saige turned the stove down, then made her way outside through the door to the left of the stove.

“Sit. It’s getting cold,” Nana said to me.

Finding comfort in her company, I muttered, “They hate me,” as I sat at her command.

“They don’t hate you,” she assured me as she took the seat across from me.

“Could have fooled me,” I said after I tasted the warm soup.

Nana leaned forward and let her chin rest on her aged hands. “They’re not your family. I admit they hold grudges, but grudges are temporary.”

I let my spoon rest and twirled my ring on my finger. The daylight dimmed immediately. “I just want to hit the ‘Restart’ button.”

Nana nodded for me to pick up my spoon again. Grudgingly, I complied, knowing that if I ate, she would help me.

“We only look back to learn from our mistakes, not undo them. They are a solid part of our being now.”

I glanced down. “They opened his eyes. He will know every time I strayed.”

“You didn’t stray. Sometimes lust blinds us.”

Hearing that word coming from such an innocent, older woman caused me to halt before I took another bite of the toasted sandwich in my hands.

“I have spent several hours with Saige. I’ve met Phoenix. The past was not entirely your fault. Landen tried to break the cycle of natural order when he became a Phoenix. That is the only reason he found you in the arms of another.”

“That’s what I don’t understand. The natural order should have had me in his arms with each life.”

“Sometimes we have to lose something to understand how precious it is. My grandson learned that lesson the hard way.”

“Draven,” I assumed.

Her stare confirmed it for me. “He was furious with us for moving away, but I knew that distance made him appreciate Charlie all the more. We came home to the states two years ago, and even though he only saw Charlie a few days out of each week and the summers, they had already fallen into a routine. They both thought the other would always be there, and that is good, but what is not good is falling so deeply into complacency that you forget to be grateful. He lost her when she forgot him. He had to find a way to open her heart, and because that lesson was firmly placed on his soul, he will think twice before he lets their love become comfortable.”