Edge of Midnight (McClouds & Friends #4)(66)

She closed her eyes, and tried to remember the sequence, the wording. “He told me that he saw me in his rifle scope that day that I met Kev,” she said. “He recognized me from a TV interview I did when the bookstore opened. That’s how he found me. He saw Kev give me that sketchbook. He wants the tapes. What tapes?”

He shook his head. “Kev mentioned tapes in his note. He must have coded the information into his sketches, but he coded it too well. He overestimated us. We couldn’t crack it. We tried. For months.”

“Where is that notebook now?” Liv asked.

Sean rolled onto his back. “My brothers ripped out the pictures and framed them. Davy said he’d be damned if he’d waste Kev’s last sketches. I didn’t take any. Can’t even stand to look at them when I go to visit. Those guys are made of tougher stuff than me.”

She kissed his hard belly. “You’re plenty tough.”

He grunted. “You should see my brother Davy. Talk about tough.”

She frowned. “Is he the one who gave you those bruises?”

“Oh, don’t blame him. I provoked him on purpose,” Sean said absently. “Davy’s a pain in the ass, like any McCloud, but he’s great. You’ll like him. And Margot, his wife, is fabulous. You’re going to love her. Con’s wife, Erin, too. I can’t wait for you to meet all of them.”

That gave her a warm, tingling glow in her chest.

“Tell me again exactly what Kev said to you,” Sean said.

“Not much,” she said regretfully. “That he was being chased. That some guys wanted to kill him. He scribbled that coded note, and told me to take it to you and run like hell, or they’d get me too. Scared me half to death.” She shrugged. “That’s all. I wish I could help you more.”

He nodded, his eyes miles away as his brain crunched data.

“What was in Kev’s note?” she asked. “I’ve wondered for fifteen years.”

Sean’s gaze flickered away. He let out a sigh, as if he were bracing himself. “It said if you didn’t disappear that night, you were dead meat.”

She stared at his averted face. The silence in the room swelled, as his meaning sank in. “Wait. You mean to tell me the horrible things you said were to drive me away? You did that deliberately? To protect me?”

He nodded. She slid off the bed, onto legs that would barely hold her. Stared at him as if she’d never seen him before.

“That’s not possible.” Her voice shook. “You’re kidding.”

He shook his head.

Fury, grief, built up inside her like steam. She covered her shaking mouth. “You bastard! How could you do that to me?”

“I don’t know.” His voice was flat. “Still don’t. It almost killed me.”

She lunged towards him, and slapped his face. He barely flinched.

“For fifteen years I thought it was just a crazy f*ck-up,” he said. “But if I hadn’t done it, T-Rex would have killed you. You’re alive, right? I have that much satisfaction. I did the right thing.”

“The right thing?” Her voice cracked with outrage. “Did it occur to you for one second to tell me what was going on? Did it occur to you to trust me? It didn’t cross that thick rock that passes for your mind?”

He shook his head. “You would have resisted. You wouldn’t have wanted to leave me in the lockup. You might not even have believed me. I made an executive decision. But I hated hurting you.”

“An executive decision. To totally destroy me, emotionally.” She let out a peal of hysterical laughter. “Wow. Cool as a cucumber.”

“It was the only way I could be sure you got on that plane,” he said. “I was locked up, Liv. I couldn’t protect you. There was no one to call for help. Davy was in Iraq. Con was on a stakeout somewhere. Kev was in trouble. The police were already pissed at me. I did what I had to do. And for the first time in fifteen years, I can stand by that decision.”

She pressed her hand against her face, like it might fall off. “It never occurred to you to contact me after?” she whispered.

“Only every single f*cking minute of my life,” he said savagely. “First I thought it was safer not to get near you, while we were puzzling it out. Convincing ourselves that Kev had gone nuts was a long, gradual process. I looked for you after, but you were in Europe. Then I ended up going into the military. I looked for you when I was on leave. I saw you, once. You were out with some guy you were seeing. In Boston.”

“Oh, God.” She covered her face, shaking her head.

“I followed you around for a while, like your standard obsessed maniac,” he went on. “Then I got embarrassed at myself, and left.”

“Without ever contacting me,” she whispered.

He shook his head. “Didn’t seem right. To freak you out, disrupt your life, after years had already gone by. I figured you’d be furious. That you hated my guts. And that you’d hate them even more when I explained what I’d done. Surprise, surprise. Looks like I was right.”

She couldn’t get her quivering throat to calm down. “My whole life, my parents have jerked me around. When I met you, I thought, finally someone who’s straight with me. How ironic. When it comes to lying and manipulating, you give my mother a run for her money.”