Dungeon Games (Masters and Mercenaries #6.5)(42)

Derek frowned and turned around. “Why the hell would you worry about me?”

“Karina’s going to be okay in the end because if you break her heart, she’s going to go to her friends and she’ll cry it out and lean on them. You will go back into your shell and pretend nothing is wrong. You’ll go right back to the club and keep searching for your dream cipher and we’re all praying you don’t find her, though there is a bet that one day you’ll show up with a blow-up doll from Japan and the two of you will be very happy.”

“Fuck you, McKay.”

Alex held up his hands. “I’m being honest with you.”

He was sick of this argument. “I don’t understand how knowing what I want makes me the bad guy here. I know what didn’t work. I know I don’t want to go through that again. I don’t want to put anyone through that again.”

“Karina isn’t Maia,” Alex said softly. “Not even close.”

“Yeah, well, Maia wasn’t f*cking Maia when I married her. What do you know about Karina’s arrest record?”

He shook his head. “I know that Ian likely has the whole story but if he hasn’t told me then I don’t need to know.”

“How can you say that?”

“Because I trust him. At the end of the day, I trust her, too. She’s proven herself to me. Look, I don’t have to know every single thing about a person to know who she is. I know all the facts about Eve. I know every single thing that’s happened to her. I know her stories, and there is a core to that woman that I won’t ever truly understand. She’s a beautiful mystery. We’ve been in bad places, but somehow we figured a way to grow together. Everyone changes. The key is to love her enough to change with her. If you get this dream sub who mindlessly obeys you, you’ll never change at all. You’ll never change for her, never truly sacrifice, and then you will never really love her.”

Did Alex think that hadn’t gone through his head? He’d been over and over it and he’d decided Karina was another one of life’s traps. He would love her, worship her, and she would be okay with that until she found something better. Or worse. She would expect him to join her corral of former lovers. “I tried the love thing before. It didn’t work.”

Alex chuckled but it was a frustrated sound. “Because it wasn’t love. Not really. You were a kid when you married Maia, and then you were pretty much broken and you still haven’t put yourself back together. If you think this perfect sub of yours is going to be the one to do it, you’re smoking something a cop shouldn’t smoke. Karina is smart and strong and if you play your cards right, she’ll be a partner to you. Not like Maia was. You’re judging marriages by your own. Maia is an out of control top who likes to play at being submissive. Karina is a sub in desperate need of a Master who loves and appreciates her strengths and protects her from her weaknesses.”

“From what I can tell, Karina has no weaknesses.” It bugged him. Beyond the dust bunnies she allowed free range of her place, she was perfect. She could handle him physically. Her clients seemed to think she walked on water. Everyone loved Karina. She didn’t really need him.

“Oh, watch her. Stop looking at the surface and get to the real woman underneath. Take off your poop-colored glasses and see things as they really are. If you do, you might figure out that the perfect sub has been standing in front of you all along. And that’s all I’m going to say.”

He sighed with relief. At least the detectives under his command never tried to give him love advice. “Thank god.”

Alex laughed, this time a purely happy sound. “You’ll be on my side of the table one day if you’re lucky and some sad sack just like you is going to need advice. And you’ll give it to him. Take care of her.”

Alex started for the door, and Derek tried really hard to let him go. Really hard. “Alex?”

“Yep?”

“How do I handle the jealousy?” It burned through his gut. It was wrong because god knew he’d been with plenty of women, but what Maia had done to him had left a hole a mile wide that he wasn’t sure how to fill in. Maybe everyone was right and he was interested in a twenty-four seven relationship because he thought it would make him safe.

He wanted Karina. It was time to be honest with himself. He didn’t want to walk away, but he wasn’t sure he could stay.

“Why would you be jealous?”

Was the man going to make him say it? “Look, I know it’s normal to have casual sex when you don’t have a permanent partner. I’ve done it myself so it makes me the bad guy to say this, but it bugs me that Karina hangs out with the guys so much.”

Alex shrugged. “She works with us, man. Are you jealous because she used to play with Liam?”

“And Sean a couple of years back, and now it’s Simon. I know she’s played with Ian.” He kind of hated every single man who had ever touched her. This was why he shouldn’t get too close to her. She made him feel things he never wanted to feel again.

“Yes. Ian still scenes with her when she needs a partner. Charlotte understands Karina’s needs and encourages Ian to work with her. Look, I don’t know why, but Karina needs to scene a couple of times a week. There’s nothing more to it. If you would top her, I think you would find as long as you were around she wouldn’t want anyone but you.”