Dreamland (Riley Bloom #3)(39)

And, no offense, but you’ll need to start acting like a grown-up too. Which means no more outbursts or tantrums. The bottom line is, if anyone’s holding you back, Riley, it’s you.”

Ouch.

I’m not gonna lie, the words stung in a really big way. They also left me feeling really embarrassed,

mortified,

and

ashamed—mostly because I could recognize the truth when it was jumping up and down and waving before me.

“You can’t force it, Riley. You can’t achieve it in the way you’ve been trying. In the Here

& Now, there are no birthdays—you mature when you’re ready.”

I sighed. It’s pretty much exactly what Ever said during the dream, still I looked at him and said, “But you once told me that if I keep up the good work, then I’ll be able to transcend level one-point-five in no time!

Was that another lie too?”

“No.” He shook his head. “It wasn’t a lie.

That was and is one hundred percent true.

But the thing is, you used to care about the souls you crossed over. You may have put yourself at risk, you may have gone off on your own despite my warning you not to, but the Council was willing to overlook all of that because it was clear that you truly cared about seeing those poor souls move on. And while I’m sure you eventually started to care about Satchel too, if for no other reason than his story is pretty dang sad, I think we both know you were mostly in it for what you thought it would get you. Your motivation was selfish, Riley, and I’m sorry, but there’s no reward for that.”

I stared at my feet, remembering just what had sparked the whole thing. Not having any friends, seeing him with Jasmine—it didn’t seem selfish on the surface, but Bodhi was right. I’d only tried to help Satchel to benefit me.

“So that’s why my glow dimmed?” I asked.

I looked at him, my face clean and clear of all anger.

Bodhi dug his hands into his pockets, looking at me when he said, “It’s the same as turning thirteen. It’s not about achiev-ing—it’s about learning. You always see yourself as separate, like it’s you versus everyone else, and everyone else better watch out because you have something to prove. But the thing is, we don’t act alone Here, Riley. We work as a team—a community. A community you haven’t even tried to be a part of because you’re too busy looking for shortcuts and glory. And while your glow getting dimmer is not quite the punishment you see it as, mostly because there is no punishment Here, I’m sorry to say that, yes, your actions have caused your glow to regress. Though that’s not to say that you can’t get your glow on again.”

My body went shaky, my eyes started to sting, but instead of crying like a big, fat baby, I gave Buttercup a good, tight squeeze and then I let him go free.

Making my way toward the gate once again, when Bodhi reached out to slow me.

The feel of his fingers causing my whole body to tremble, making me feel all weird, like I had when I saw him with Jasmine.

“Riley—uh, I think there’s more we need to discuss …”

I looked at him, saw that big, unbearable discussion sitting right there in his eyes, causing me to shake my head and wave it away.

No way, José.

No way would we talk about him and Jasmine and whatever they meant to each other.

It was stupid.

Dumb. Dumb. Dumb.

He’d just turned fifteen. I was still twelve.

There was absolutely nothing to talk about.

I picked up the pace, finding my way to the other side of the gate. Knowing it probably wasn’t the most mature way to respond, but heck, it was better than a tantrum, and at least that was a start.

There was no doubt I still had a lot to learn. But there was also no doubt that I’d eventually get there. Sooner rather than later, that was for sure. I finally understood how it all worked.

Thanks to Balthazar, Ever, and Bodhi, the puzzle was complete—they had each donated a piece.

I had to channel my emotions—tend to the fire within so it wouldn’t blaze out of control.

I had to ask for help when I needed it, tackle only the assignments that were given to me, and instead of focusing on how I would benefit from convincing the lost souls to cross over—I had to focus on how crossing them over would benefit them.

I had to quit focusing on being eternally stuck as a flat-chested, twelve-year-old kid—and instead see myself as the mature and confident teen I wanted to be.

I had to be patient, be a good friend—I had to be happy being me.

Arranging those items in a neat little list in my head, I couldn’t help but smile at how good it felt to finally have a plan.

And even though I was still walking fast, there was no outrunning Bodhi when he was in one of his more determined moods.

He caught up to me, grasped my elbow again, and said, “Riley, listen, the other thing can wait, that’s fine. Though I do need to know if we can leave now, or if there’s anything you need to do first. Anyone you need to check in with, before we take off?” I looked at him, staring into those deep green eyes. “What do you mean? Are we going somewhere?”

Seeing the way his face broke into a smile as he picked up a stick, tossed it high into the air, laughing as Buttercup leaped into the sky and flew after it.

Turning to me, a ghost of a smile still haunting his lips when he said, “I spoke with Aurora. The Council is sending us to Italy.