Don't Speak (A Modern Fairytale, #5)(22)

It was all bullshit.

But this was real. Real.

For no good reason at all, this girl he barely knew had given him something priceless.

And shit, what had he done? He’d pulled her flush against his cock like he’d die if they didn’t fuck. He cringed. No wonder she had freaked out.

“I didn’t know, Freckles. Sorry I got so . . . excited.”

She flicked a glance at him, and two spots of bright pink appeared in her cheeks, but she didn’t say anything.

He sighed, letting his breath out long and low as he ran a hand through his hair. “Did it, uh . . . did it meet your, uh, expectations? The kiss?”

“Yes,” she said, but she was still staring down at her hands, which were folded primly in her lap. “Except . . .”

He tensed. “Except . . .?”

“I thought it would just be mouths. And, well, tongues, maybe. Like in the movies. I didn’t know about the hands. Or your, um, chest pushing against my, um . . . you know. Or, um, your . . .” She glanced at his groin, and her cheeks blazed red as she pulled her bottom lip between her teeth. “I know what happens between men and women, in bed. I just . . . I didn’t know it all happened so fast once you started kissing.”

“Not every kiss is like that one,” he said, hoping to Christ it wouldn’t be the last they ever shared. “That one was . . . really good.”

“You know so much more than I do.” She groaned, looking up at him. “You must think I’m really stupid.”

“No!” he said, his voice low and serious. “No. I don’t think you’re stupid.” He finally risked touching her again, reaching for her hand and holding it gently between his. “Not at all.”

But you’re the most inexperienced girl I’ve ever met, and I’m not sure how I feel about that.

She took a deep breath but didn’t pull her hand away, and he was profoundly grateful to be allowed to hold her hand, which quickly and firmly settled his feelings about her inexperience: he didn’t care. She was like no one he’d ever met before. In a world where he felt like he’d seen it all, she felt fresh and new, and a fierce surge of protectiveness swelled within him for all that she hadn’t seen and didn’t know.

She chuckled softly. “I thought you needed to kiss for a real long time before you wanted to have sex.”

“Laire,” he said, waiting until she looked up at him, “can I be brutally honest with you?”

Her eyes widened nervously, but she nodded.

“Sometimes you don’t even need to kiss before wanting someone.” He grinned, threading his fingers through hers. “The truth is . . . I wanted you the second I laid eyes on you.”

Her sharp gasp made his balls tighten. “You did?”

“Yeah. Of course.”

“But . . . I didn’t even . . . I wasn’t trying to—”

“You didn’t have to do anything.” His grin grew into a wide smile, and he tilted his head to the side, utterly captivated by her innocence. With his free hand, he reached for a lock of her hair and pushed it behind her ear, cupping her cheek when she leaned into him. “You think I’m different? You’re different, darlin’. You’re beautiful and honest and interestin’, and you want to know the truth? The way you made me chase you down for a date was . . . I don’t know. I liked it. I’m attracted to you. Really attracted to you.”

“Yes.” Her face grew instantly grim again and leaned away from his touch. “I know.”

“Hold on now. That’s not a bad thing. It doesn’t mean . . .” Damn, but this was awkward. Didn’t she have a mother to explain these things to her? That kissing someone made you feel certain things, but that those things didn’t always lead to sex. Not immediately, anyway. He cleared his throat. “Laire, I can’t help it that I’m attracted to you. But that doesn’t mean I expect to have sex with you or that I’ll ever pressure you for more than you want to give. And to be clear, I’m not lookin’ for a wife or family. That’s not on my agenda right now. Hell, I’m in college. I’m years away from anythin’ like that.”

Her eyes nailed his as her lips parted in wonder. “Years?”

“Uh-huh.”

She grinned at him, all gloominess flying away from her face as quickly as it had landed there. “Years.”

“At least,” he said. “I need to go to college, then law school, find a job, work for a few years to establish myself. Then I’ll think about settlin’ down. I mean, someday, yes, I’d like to have a wife and family. But certainly not now.”

“But you’re twenty-one,” she said matter-of-factly, like everyone she knew thought about settling down at twenty-one, which was, well, weird.

“Where I come from, most people don’t get married right out of college. I doubt I’ll get married until my late twenties. Maybe even my thirties.”

“Wow. Ten years,” she murmured with wonder, leaning away from his hand to look up into his eyes. Her eyes sparkled with excitement when she added, “Because you have dreams for your life, and you want to make them come true first, before you settle down, right?”

Dreams? I don’t know about that. Erik had never really had his own dreams; his future had, more or less, been decided for him.