Don't Get Caught(29)
From the tower, Stranko shouts a final and pointless, “Clear the field!”
But from high overhead, Brent begins taking pictures on this beautiful fall day of one thousand students proudly representing the school in their gold Asheville High T-shirts, everyone strategically arranged to form the largest, most anatomically correct boner the world has ever seen.
Chapter 11
Monday, the first day of homecoming week, ends with an announcement ordering all students to the auditorium for a mandatory meeting. Mrs. B, Stranko, and Officer Hale are already there, standing in the middle of the stage waiting for everyone. The five of us sit together near the back, no longer worrying about the old rule about not being seen together. Screw worrying about someone, somehow, connecting us to Stranko’s phone and the boner pic. We’re untouchable. I mean, did you see the aerial photo? Because over a million people have viewed it on H8box, not to mention the local news and even a few worldwide outlets crediting the picture to the Chaos Club, courtesy of Wheeler adding the club’s name to the picture. Yes, the Water Tower Five have gone global, just like Ellie predicted.
But even though the whole attempted-kiss debacle was almost a month ago, I still feel weird around her. How can I not? I always make sure there’s at least one other Water Tower Fiver between us as a buffer. Today, I’m lucky that we’re on opposite ends with Wheeler in the middle, crowing about his fake Chaos Club website that went live last night.
“Go ahead and admit it. I’m a genius, right?” he says.
“Yeah, man, it’s awesome. You have a future in counterfeiting,” I say.
Like Malone’s Chaos Club business cards, Wheeler’s version of the official website is close to an exact knockoff. He’s got the same pictures, history, contact email, timeline, and even a complicated slideshow—everything that would make a visitor to the site believe they were at the actual site. But if you look extra closely, you can see Wheeler’s followed Malone’s lead and included on each page the small white water tower with a five in the middle. And his final addition? A mock write-up explaining how the Chaos Club tricked the student body into producing the now-viral massive erection picture.
“But do you fully appreciate the finer points I added? I mean, come on, if this doesn’t piss off the Chaos Club, nothing will.”
He’s right about that. Included is:
1. A paragraph in the bio bragging that the club funds its pranks through fencing stolen items.
2. Pictures shot through bedroom windows of people in various stages of undress.
3. A photoshopped picture of Stranko in his underwear cavorting in the woods in the moonlight.
4. A video of a guy in a hockey mask with a voice distorter, antagonizing the Asheville cops and school administrators, ending his rant with, “The Chaos Club is unstoppable, bitches.”
Like I said, it’s awesome, if not highly disturbing.
“Where did you learn how to do all this?” Ellie asks Wheeler.
“H8box. It’s like the best teacher in the world. You can learn anything there.”
“Who’s the guy in the mask?” Malone asks.
“A H8box friend. He lives in St. Louis, so no one can ever link this to him.”
“And the stalking pictures?”
“Lifted from other sites. Do you like the one with Stranko?”
“I’ve got to give you credit on that one,” Malone says. “Great photoshopping. You should work for the CIA.”
“Yeah, he’s going to freak,” Adleta says. “The cops will probably show up.”
“Don’t tease me, dude,” Wheeler says. “Stranko getting braced by the cops is like my greatest fantasy. But I didn’t even show you the best part yet—pick a search engine, any search engine, and type in Chaos Club.”
On my phone, I start with the big search engines first like Google, Bing, and Yahoo, before moving on to lesser-known ones like DuckDuckGo and Dogpile. On each, Wheeler’s Chaos Club site is the top return.
“How did you do that?” Malone says.
“Trade secret,” Wheeler says. “So say it, everyone, I’m a…”
“Genius, Wheeler,” we all say. “You’re a genius.”
“Now just imagine what you could do if you tried in school,” Malone adds.
“Okay, let’s not get ahead of ourselves.”
As the remaining students trickle in and find a seat, Mrs. B taps the microphone and waits for quiet before starting.
“I hope all of you have had a good start to homecoming week. A special thanks to StuGo for decorating the halls.”
When we all entered the building today, the halls were filled with balloons, streamers, and posters. They barely survived the morning, and by the end of lunch, all of it was down. Now the hall floors resemble Times Square after New Year’s Eve.
“And speaking of StuGo and decorations, I can’t wait to see what they do with the gym for the dance this Saturday. I hope to see everyone there.”
If Mrs. B’s truly hoping for my attendance, she’s going to be disappointed. There’s zero chance of me asking anyone to the dance. One rejection a semester is my limit, thank you very much.
“Now,” Mrs. B says, “I’m sure most of you have noticed that our beloved Zippy the Eagle statue has been taken away for a makeover. I don’t know about you, but I will miss seeing him out there each morning. The good news is that this year marks the seventy-fifth anniversary of this school district. An end-of-the-year celebration marking this occasion is in the planning stages, and I’m happy to say that is when Zippy will make his return. The board office is hoping for student input, so anyone interested in joining the planning committee should come see me.”